In this time of floods in the Midwest, skyrocketing gas prices, global warming, a weakening dollar, and endless war in the Middle East, one threat towers over all the rest: zombie invasion.
But fear not. Vicky, proprietor of the excellent blog Pterodactyls, has created three questions to help you prepare for combat during such a catastrophe:
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon.
2. One song blasting on the speakers.
3. One famous person to fight alongside you.
Weapon can be real or fictional; you may assume endless ammo if applicable. Person can be real or fictional.
Vicky’s answers were:
1. A 2×4 with a couple of nails in it
2. “Ping Island,” Mark Mothersbaugh (from The Life Aquatic)
3. Dirk Gently
Patrick of Ra Ra Rasputin says:
1. Aluminum baseball bat
2. “The Magnificent Seven,” the Clash
3. Penelope Cruz
and I say:
1. Razor-sharp samurai sword
2. a really good recording of “Ride of the Valkyries”
3. Sigourney Weaver circa 1986, preferably wielding a big fucking machine gun and flame thrower at the same time
…and now, what do YOU say? List your answers below.
Nothing delights me more than a question about zombies.
1) M4 Carbine
2) Interpol – “PDA”
3) Bill Murray (complete with proton pack a la Ghostbusters)
1. I can’t decide between the Chanel Rocket Launcher:
http://gizmodo.com/387600/that-chanel-rocket-launcher-is-so-iraq-spring-2007
or the Louis Vuitton Chainsaw:
http://gizmodo.com/387600/that-chanel-rocket-launcher-is-so-iraq-spring-2007
2. The Unicorns – Sea Ghost
3. Sienna Miller, preferably with the outfit and arsenal of the Baroness from the upcoming G.I. Joe flick.
June 25, 2008 at 5:48 pm1. m4 carbine, agreed, but the acog scope is a must, with deep penetration bullets for shooting through cinder block… with personalized skull and crossbones stock.
2. black steel in the hour of chaos
3. william wallace
Weapon – This is tough, but I’m going to stay in the realm of reality. I’m going w/the H&K MP5. Multiple firing modes, lightweight, easy to find ammo.
Song – 1812 Overture, Any song that requires cannons is A+ in my book.
Celeb – Bruce Campbell, seriously…who’s had more experience w/the living dead?
June 25, 2008 at 7:24 pm1. Gravity Gun
2. Cerrone – “Supernature”
3. Snake Plissken
1.) Automatic crossbow with combustible arrows
2.) T.I. – What You Know
3.) Bruce Willis
1) Slow zombies: sword or baseball bat, the better to smash the brain. Fast zombies: AK-47, 7.62mm to keep them far away from me.
2) Journey – “Don’t Stop Believin’”. To keep the spirits up slash it’s the greatest song of all time.
3) Sophia Bush or Rachel Bilson or Anne Hathaway. Hot brunettes will be clutch in the post-zombie apocalyptic wasteland.
June 26, 2008 at 6:00 am1. Benelli M4 Super 90 combat shotgun
2. SebastiAn, “Dog”
3. Either Asia Argento or US Department of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Steve Preston
1. “AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherf#$%er in the room, accept no substitutes.”
2. Liars “Plaster Casts of Everything”
3. Good call, Rob. It’s all about Bruce Campbell.
I can’t believe no one is seconding Kitty Corner Shot.
I changed my music choice to Beethoven’s Appassionata.
June 26, 2008 at 9:41 amactually, the kitty corner shot is awesome, but for your only weapon? i didn’t read far enough… does it adjust to shoot straight on as well? i was thinking of changing mine to street sweeper (or riot gun) since we have unlimited ammo.
June 26, 2008 at 10:03 amYes it shoots straight as well.
Can I change it to an AC-130 gunship though? A gunship with 20mm cannons shooting at 3000 rounds per minute, it has a 155mm howitzer sticking out the side, and can fly in complete blackout conditions. PLUS you can just fly to where ever the zombies aren’t.
June 26, 2008 at 10:13 amwhat the fuck? why not try TALKING to a zombie before you just blow his or her brains out.
ZDL. zombie defense league.
June 26, 2008 at 11:25 amZombies give good head.
June 26, 2008 at 12:20 pmAndy wins. What You Know by TI is the correct answer, and so is Bruce Willis (circa Die Hard I, I’m assuming). Crossbow is decent, but the other two answers are so right on that dude still takes it. Honorable mention to Jian for referencing Sienna Miller as Baroness.
June 26, 2008 at 12:30 pmBruce Willis would piddle in his pants if he saw a zombie. The correct answer is Shaun from Shaun of the dead, but since he’s not a real person, I still stay with Ghengis.
June 26, 2008 at 1:04 pmactually, judge jesse, i win. always. now go get your fuckin’ shine box.
and the best answer for having someone with you in MYYYYY stinky ass opinion was Valhalla. it doesn’t have to be a real person.
June 26, 2008 at 1:56 pmValhalla’s. answer.
June 26, 2008 at 1:57 pm1. The gun from the game Contra with the Spread power-up.
2. Theme song to the original Assault on Precinct 13 by John Carpenter.
3. Charlemagne: King of the Franks.
i can’t believe so many people are talking about using a firearm … if we’re talking about a big-time invasion, firearms are pretty much out of the question
you’ll need a Monk’s Spade or a Lobo (what’s good enough for the armed forces in world war z is good enough for me)
and the song would definitely be MIA “Paper Planes”
June 26, 2008 at 8:50 pmIt occurs to me that zombie parts might get stuck on the rusty nails, rendering my weapon ineffective. I would like to replace it with a Dalek, I think that counts as a weapon (and not a person).
June 26, 2008 at 10:01 pmUpon even further reflection, I’m using this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRjygiXdfEY&feature=related
Don’t need no music as I’ll hear the sweet sound of zombies exploding.
June 26, 2008 at 10:27 pm1. an uzi
2. helter skelter
3. eliza dushku
we would fucking destroy some zombies.
June 28, 2008 at 7:30 pm1. Ak-47
2. Bass Hunter ShUT tHE FuCk uP
3. CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!
1.heavy bolter (from warhammer 40k
2.High way to hell by ACDC
3.Warmaster Hourous (From warhammer 40k )
1: Weapon. Kitty corner shot (google it)
June 25, 2008 at 5:02 pm2: Either Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead, or Beethoven’s 7th Symphony
3: I was going to say Temujin as I just saw Mongol, but realized he really wasn’t a great fighter, but he was a good strategist and he was tenacious as fuck, ok. Temujin (Genghis Khan).