Brightest Young Things

Day 1: Downtown Disney
Day 2 Part I: Animal Kingdom
Day 3: Magic Kingdom

For my birthday this year my girlfriend Amy took me on a surprise whirlwind trip to Walt Disney World. There is something about being in Disney World that, for lack of a less obvious word, is magical. This is a trip I think everyone needs to do if you a) haven't been or b) haven't been in many years. a) was the case for Amy, and b) was the case for me. Growing up with relatives in Orlando certainly had its perks. What I offer you below is an account of my Disney adventure that I hope will aide you in planning yours.

Look for cheap package deals at:
http://wdwinfo.com/

And here is a good guide on the best time to go to Disney:
http://travelwithkids.about.com/cs/disneyworld/a/whenvisitwdw.htm

And one more:
http://www.wdisneyw.co.uk/when.html

Sunday Part II

Epcot is soooo weird dude.  Like, it’s about the future, but it’s this outdated version of the future from the 80s and there is this creepy Willy Wonka character and dragon mascot that I guess has been phased out, and then there are all these country themed areas like Norway (but not Australia) with educational films.  It doesn’t make any sense.  Who thought this park would be a success?  Yet it is the third most visited amusement park in the US, and the sixth in the world.  And I love it so hard. I mean, behold the majesty:

As we arrive we are greeted by the sight of Spaceship Earth, Epcot’s iconic “golf ball” structure. Unlike Cindarella’s Castle and the Tree of Life, you actually get to ride around inside this one!  What incredible wonders await you inside this geodesic sphere you ask? Well a slow moving animatronic tour or the history of communication of course! I was preparing Amy for inevitable hilarity that would ensue when nearing the end of the ride they would announce something along the lines of “some day people will talk to each other using… a COMPUTER MACHINE!” and have like animatronic businessmen oohing and ahhing over a fax or whatever. But no, Spaceship Earth has been updated, or in Disney-speak, "re-imagined".  As we start our journey we are greeted by some of the familiar old-school animatronics (what up printing press?), but Judi Dench has taken over narration duties from Walter Cronkite, there are fancy computer screens in each car, an updated script with some new scenes, and no Tomorrow's Child song. One of the coolest new parts is when they snap a pic of you at the beginning of the ride, and then at the end give you a little choose your own adventure story where they stick your faces on some Jetsons style animation.  It’s an impressive little slice of technology, and they even let you email the animation to yourself after the ride, so my initial disappointment of outdated future predictions quickly faded.

still keeping it retro with 70s afro computer lady

We get dropped off in a room with some high tech video games, play around for a bit, and continue our journey into Future World.  Future World is a bit confusing in it's layout, it’s just sort of vomited all over the place in these various pavilions with vague names housing attractions with suspiciously short descriptions.  So just start walking around randomly until you run into something interesting.

We stopped in one of the two Innoventions pavilions, which are sort of like big city science museums.  They are a little boring but don’t miss Segway Central where you get to ride one of the new models.  The controls are now even more intuitive, you simply pull the handlebar left or right to turn instead of twisting a handle.  Cale love Segway!  The guy in charge told us we didn’t look happy, we said we were but it had just been a long day and liquid stimulation was in order.  He said Epcot really stood for Every Person Comes Out Tired.  Indeed.

We aimlessly wander to the next pavilion called The Land, and hop on the Living with the Land attraction.  Amy notices that it’s a boat ride and starts to get sweaty palms reminding me me about the 2 hour puke fest on that jet boat to Capri that I told her she’d be fine on. The one where you barfed all over those people swimming? Yeah, that one. I guarantee her that this is the most un-thrilling ride in the history of amusement parks.   I lied, I had no idea what it was, but this was Epcot we were talking about so I couldn't be far off.  I was right.  Here is an attraction at a park that hosts 11 million guests a year (about the same amount that actually live in Norway), where you sit on a boat that’s anchored to a track and goes 2 miles per hour through greenhouses as you learn about new technologies in agriculture.  Epcot!!!

In The Land pavilion (I love saying that) there was a relatively new hang gliding simulator (ported from Disney Land) where you fly over California, but the wait was an hour and we still needed that caffeine, so we skipped it.  Looked promising though.  Started to regret trying to cram both parks into one day as I looked at how much more there was to do, including some new actual ride rides like the Test Track, which is Disney’s fastest ride to date, and Mission: Space, which simulates a rocket launch by G forcing your ass in a centrifuge.  A less vomit inducing, tamer version of the ride was added after a couple people died (no joke!).  Anyway, both are worthy excursions if you’ve had your fill of learnin’ bout stuffts.

Sadly Captain EO (read my piece on that here) was not returning to Epcot for another couple months, so our only option was Honey I Shrunk the Audience, which we (obvi) agreed to skip.  Eff you to whoever thought that franchise would be less dated than EO.

Amy was getting antsy to check out the World Showcase, the second half of Epcot, and I was too. Plus we had dinner reservations in Tokyo. We bid Future World farewell and started our world tour in Mexico.  The World Showcase is a series of country themed areas in a ring around a lake.  At each stop there are restaurants, scaled down versions of famous monuments, shops, exhibits, etc.  And most importantly, country specific booze at each stop, a godsend to fathers everywhere.  Sure, there is something gross about middle America thinking they don't actually need to go to Paris because they've been to Epcot, but whatever, it's still fun as hell to take the tour and it makes for good photos.

Def stop inside the Mesoamerican pyramid in Mexico which creates the illusion that you're outside once again looking at a Mesoamerican pyramid.  I want a fake outdoor room in my house so bad.

Norway has some goofy shops with viking gear plus the Maelstrom boat ride attraction.

authentic

China has a pretty cool short film that is projected around you in 360 degrees plus be on the look out for the acrobat shows.

showing off at the China gift stand, what's up with that puppet?

More beer options in Germany and Italy, and then you get to America, which had this big stage where... wait for it... Davy Jones of The Monkees was playing!  I kid you not!  I mean, I was always a Micky Dolenz fan, but still!  With super lame studio musicians!  And he was way old and made really bad jokes and they did The Monkees Theme reggae style!  It was awful/awesome!  We skipped out after Pleasant Valley Sunday and headed to Japan.

Pro tip - make your dinner reservations online before you go to Epcot, it saved us like 45 min waiting on a table. We went to the sushi restaurant in Japan (one of three eating options, including a hibachi one that I remember being obsessed with as a kid) and it was pretty good. Not too expensive and decent quality. There is a great shop with tons of Japanese candy and manga. I got Men's Pocky and Seasonal Winter Pocky, both solid choices.  Too fat lesbian comic book fans there just to see Davy Jones kept trying to start conversations with us to prove their knowledge of various Japanese candy brands.

More beer and food options as you wind your way through Morocco (especially well done), France, UK, and finally Canada. If you time it right, like I did (of course), you'll finish up your day in Canada right as Illuminations starts, the nightly (!) fireworks and laser show. With a few beers in you and a long day of park activity under your belt, it's a perfect ending to sit back and let your eyeballs soak in massive fireballs, huge lasers spewing out of the America Pavilion (USA! USA!), a giant floating earth covered in TV screens, and an ass load of fireworks, fountains, and pyrotechnics. Once it's over, b line it through Future World and be one of the first ones in line for the buses.

Today was a good day.

Day 1: Downtown Disney
Day 2 Part I: Animal Kingdom
Day 3: Magic Kingdom

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 4/19: HAPPY National High Five Day!
• 4/17: Hangin' Tough with The D.C. Rollergirls
• 2/24: BYT Archives: Geek It Out
• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...