"I would make love to you, but I'm simply starving," said the young blonde stud. I'd found this unreconstructed piece of ass in a darkened corner of the Berkeley Cafe - Raleigh, NC's misleadingly-named hot spot for youth, fashion, and independent music culture.
"Well, that's easily solved..." I winked. I moved to pull down my control-top tights. "I've got something for you to eat right here - "
"No, no, no..." my lover explained, pushing me away. "I'm in the mood for something breakfast-y."
"Well, don't worry," I cooed, hiking up my sparkling dress. "I've got some sausage for you right here - "
"No, no, no..." my beau replied. "Maybe I'm in the mood for something lunch-y."
"Well, no need to fret," I winked, pulling down my panties. "I've got a hot dog somewhere around here you'd might like a bite of - "
"No, no, no..." my macho man protested. "Maybe I want something dinner-y."
"Well, I've got your number," I smiled. "That is, if you like a pork - "
"Ah, God!" my suitor exclaimed. "Don't you get it? I'm not hungry in a sexy, I'm-hungry-for-dick kind of way. I'm just hungry."
"Um, okay," I offered. "That's easily remedied. What would you like to eat?"
"I don't know," my friend-with-benefits said. "Raleigh doesn't have many dining options."
"What about sushi?" I suggested.
"Sushi?" my lover laughed. "Do you see an ocean around here?"
"Hmm," I considered. "What about French?"
"In this town?" my beau queried. "Raleigh isn't known for foie gras."
"Well, how about Indian?" I suggested. "Or Mexican? Or Thai? Or Greek? Or Italian? Or French-Creole?"
"No, no, no, " my lover sighed. "At this hour, there's only Denny's."
"Well, to Denny's then!" I exclaimed. "And, afterwards, to your apartment!"
"I hate Denny's," my lover glumly. "But we must put sustenance before libido."
"Ugh," I sighed. "The needs of mere mortals!"
Previously in Tangents:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 11/2: PHOTOS: TAXLO Halloween (feat. Chain Gang of 1974)
- 10/10: #OccupyWallStreet
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
- 7/20: PHOTOS: Artscape
- 7/19: Miho Hatori's Guide to New York City
- 4/11: Cirque Du Soleil: Totem (A Review)
- 12/29: War, Reenacted
- 12/29: What in Hell is Slaughterama?!?
God loves a cheerful giver.
I'm kind of blown away at how bad this is.
Your feelings are shared by many i believe. these could really nauseate anyone. The whole effect is multilayered though and is the perfect way to purge the morning after a heavy night of drinking.
1) First, there is the rampant use of homoerotic allusions.
If not feeling queasy from this, there is:
2) The obfuscation of the entire entry, as it is written like a 5th grader who just discovered what a thesaurus is.
Not going to purge that chili half smoke and PBR yet ????????
3) Just scroll down to the bottom of the entry for a beautiful picture of....well i dont know what that is...some kind of skullhead wig eyeliner thing, and it has a goatee.
Bonus Round:
Combine #1 and 3. VOM!