Brightest Young Things

"Oooh, baby, I want to take you like Santa Anna took the Alamo," I crooned to my Texan lover. We nestled in an a private nook of San Antonio's ArtPace Museum where, under fine works of postmodern American art, bands are regularly brought to rock.

"Oh, yeah, baby," my beau replied. "Overthrow me. Occupy my territory."

"I want to slide into you just like Davy Crockett slid into his coonskin cap," I extemporized. "That is, before he was slain at the hands of the Mexican Army on March 6, 1836."

"Oh!" my macho man exclaimed. "Remember the Alamo, and remember to work my shaft!"

"Darling," I continued, "I'm going to fuck you to death - a death more glorious than David Bowie who, as per Wikipedia, was a nineteenth-century American pioneer and soldier who played a prominent role in the Texas Revolution that culminated in his death at the Battle of the Alamo."

My young buck abruptly pulled away. "Did you just say 'David Bowie?'" he inquired.

"Of course," I explained. "David Bowie - the legendary inventor of the Bowie knife - portrayed by Richard Widmark in the 1960 film The Alamo. This film also featured John Wayne as Davy Crockett."

"You don't mean David Bowie," the stud insisted. "You mean Jim Bowie."

"What?" I cried, incredulous. "Didn't Jim Bowie produce Lou Reed's breakthrough 1972 effort Transformer featuring the popular composition 'Walk on the Wild Side?'"

"No," my beau replied. "That was David Bowie, a.k.a. Ziggy Stardust, a.k.a. the Thin White Duke, leader of the Spiders from Mars, and the star of the 1986 film Labyrinth, Jennifer Connelly's breakthrough."

"But didn't Jim Bowie date the supermodel Iman?" I inquired.

"No, that was David Bowie," my lover said, sighing. "David BOUGH-IE equals English pop star. Jim BOOEY equals American frontiersman. Your continued confusion of David Bowie and Jim Bowie isn't just a buzzkill, but is an insult to me as both a lover of glam rock and as a native Texan."

"Don't even get me started on Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett," I offered.

Previously on...

Previously in Tangents:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 11/2: PHOTOS: TAXLO Halloween (feat. Chain Gang of 1974)
• 10/10: #OccupyWallStreet
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
• 7/20: PHOTOS: Artscape
• 7/19: Miho Hatori's Guide to New York City
• 4/11: Cirque Du Soleil: Totem (A Review)
• 12/29: War, Reenacted
• 12/29: What in Hell is Slaughterama?!?