Charmed: A Night at the Roller Derby

June 19, 2008 by John Foster  Send to a Friend

My seven year-old daughter’s going nuts, bouncing up and down in her seat with the biggest smile on her face – bigger than at the Hannah Montana movie – bigger than opening birthday presents. What could bring such joy to her that she would seem about to burst with excitement? Why it is the one and only Flo Shizzle who has just added five points to her Junkyard Doll’s ever-growing tally at the Charm City Rollergirls match we are enjoying immensely. Shizzle doesn’t just pass opponents and rack up the points as much as she stylishly glides by and plays to the crowd. In an event jam-packed with mega-sized personalities, she exudes star power of the highest order. It is the kind of charm that draws in a crowd that ranges from kids my daughter’s age to grey-haired and grizzled grandpas. The median age seems to be over educated (and over inked) thirtysomethings that makes the crowd mirror the more flamboyant participants in a special way.

Having grown up watching the Los Angeles Thunderbirds tear through the competition (in a succinct hour format) all through the late 70s and early 80s, I have a definite affinity for the colorful nature of the sport. When new clubs started a revitalization of the sport several years ago it was little surprise that Baltimore was a fertile ground. Home to a plethora of tough and funky sweethearts of all ages; the city has a long tradition in its feminine “charms.”

My father grew up right next to Memorial Stadium in a tough mixed race neighborhood where the Orioles had a row house they would put minor league call ups in. His tales of delight of playing stickball in the streets with soon to be starters for the O’s tickle me every time and would almost make me forget to lock the car doors when we drove by the old house. Baltimore is very much a city of neighborhoods and once you have a taste of acceptance from one you start to understand why the residents feel such a special bond with the city. Charm City Rollergirls is not just a little athletic competition with crazy uniforms. It is a celebration of Baltimore past and present.

Calling the Du Burns Arena it’s home starting this season, you can see the fresh nightlife all over Canton as it shakes off its working-class roots, but you can also park across the street at the Department of Public Works lot and see a man covered in feral city cats as he feeds the lot of them. When you throw in the endless supply of PBR and the amazing Dangerous Pie Company’s collection of slices inside, you have the makings of a perfect evening if you dare journey up I-95. When you walk in and are confronted with a gentleman wearing a dress with a blazing hot pink beehive and dark ray bans, banging an over-sized wrench on everything in sight – you know you have come to the right place.

Our very own Nicole skates for the Mobtown Mods and was the one who tipped me to all the fun being had without me (and on skates no less!) My daughter was very interested in having a rooting interest in the games, so we cheered on the Mods (naturally) and then chose the Junkyard Dolls based on their uniforms being hot pink – how can you go wrong? In the end, they were wise decisions, however randomly chosen. The Mods built an early lead and then held on for a narrow victory, only secured with a big stop in the final 30 seconds, sending the Night Terrors to the loss column. The excitement level is further enhanced by the announcing team that is being broadcast into the arena, (and fully decked out in shiny purple and natty pink on their Laurel and Hardy frames.) Cracking corny one-liners and enticing the crowd into a slightly tipsy version of the wave, makes everyone smile.

We set out to take in the full experience, so with that in mind we make our way on to the “field” surrounding the track. You can set up chairs around the edge and if you are lucky get a lap full of rollergirl at some point in the evening! With my little girl rocking and rolling on my shoulders (a classic alternative soundtrack pumps throughout the matches) we got right next to the action. It gave it a fun feel practically sitting on the bench with the ladies and helped to explain the rules of the game.

For the second half we took a seat in the stands, where watching the action play out is optimal so you can see the approaching jammers and also people watch in the middle of your colorful surroundings. It became obvious that putting our love and devotion into the Dolls piggybank was a sage investment as they set about thrashing Shizzle’s former team, the Speed Regime. Complimented by the quick and sneaky Killer Kitten in her fishnets, the longest legs on skates in Ella Fitz-Peril, the stellar defense of Dolly Rocket and Coach Ballbricker (great ponytails pulled through her helmet!) it seems as if the Regime never even stood a chance.

Not only do they win the game, but when Ella Fitz-Peril does a reverse worm during a break in the action I do believe that tall drink of water has won my heart as well!

Soon the ladies are icing various bumps and bruises with cold beers and the rest of us have eaten the place out of burgers and dogs (give yourselves a hand! They implore on the PA when announcing the feat) and sweet sweet pie – it is time to go. It is Baltimore after all and we want to see if the catman is still there to say goodnight to.

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