Tim Gunn Took My Virginity

July 23, 2008 by John  Send to a Friend

“Why they gotta make the black girl make a dress out of kale?” was my immediate response to watching my first episode (ever) of Project Runway. During last week’s season premier, the fashion reality show had challenged its contestants to construct outfits out of supermarket items. The black girl in question, Liberian-born designer Korto Momolu, had chosen to employ a clear culinary stereotype of African American cooking.

I started to complain about the cliché typecasting of network reality shows. “It happens all the time. I have one friend who was a producer on The Real World and…”

“Sshhh!” was the quick and universal reaction from my friends.

Being that my first Project Runway party coincided with my first Project Runway episode, I was grossly ignorant of the viewing etiquette.

First, if you are to watch Project Runway, you must watch it at a party. Its production provokes involuntary audible reactions like “Oh, girl didn’t!” and “His dress is ugly, but he’s cute so he’s got to stay!” This bouquet is best appreciated when allowed to breath in an open room - filled with friends who can mock you for your point of view.

Early American patriotism compelled citizens to gather in town halls to swell discussion of important issues. Who would of thought that it would be a German, clothed as Heidi Klum, who would rekindle this forgotten New World tradition of neighborly debate?

Second, there is no talking during Project Runway except at commercial breaks. Sure, you’re permitted to comment if you can pull off a truly-great Tim Gunn impersonation or dryly catty observation (”From the looks of him, do you think its that contestant’s addiction to crystal meth or tanning beds that will do him in first?”). However, if you need to ask what ‘cutting on the bias’ means or why there is so much product placement in each episode, then you’re only welcome to “shut the hell up.”

These rules are strictly enforced. I’m afraid that if I make one more wrong move I will be voted off of the party.

Despite my recent social flailing, I managed to snag a repeat invitation to a friend’s viewing party for this week’s episode. However, I’m still not sure if I will except.

I am hesitant because of my past faux pas. But more so, I’m undecided because I’ve discovered that - as a gay man - telling guys this week that “I watched my first Project Runway episode ever!” makes me come off as both endearing and shadowed in aloof masculinity. “What?! You poor soul. That’s adorable. Come sit by me and let me educate you,” is the typical response.

Its been a great pick-up line. I’ve become every gay man’s dream fix-up project. “You don’t know him like I do,” they turn and tell their wary friends. “I can change him. I can!”

Attending another Project Runway party will automatically move me from an adorably out-of-touch-with-gay-culture type of guy to just another typical gay guy. I forfeit my street cred. I say “auf Wiedersehen” to numerous pick-up opportunities (the fact that I know Klum’s signature line might already mean that its too late).

I’m happy to rejoin my friends for another Project Runway party. But by losing my most valuable social voucher, I think they now share in an obligation to get me laid. Make it work.

Project Runway
on Bravo
Wednesday, July 23
9:00pm Eastern

For more information, visit www.ProjectRunway.com

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