The Post-Apocalyptic Project Runway Recap

September 11, 2008 by Svetlana  Send to a Friend

I will freely admit that by the time Project Runway rolled around on Bravo last night I had already eaten a pile of fried crab rangoon, drank a gallon of polka dot riesling (I was still alive, I had to celebrate) and watched DVRed episodes of “Gossip Girl” (back to Manhattan and awesome) and “90210″ (still in LA, and with nowhere near enough of the “beautiful porcelain man-child” as Rebekah likes to call Ty Collins, in it).

So, my mind maybe was blurry but I remember all that mattered, plus my roommate and my best friend (both of whom went to art school with me and are known for both their talent as well as their wine-fueled-acidity-of-tongue) were on hand to keep this boat captained.

Anyway…back on point:

In this (post-apocalyptic) episode, all the eliminated designers returned, got paired (astrologically!) with the remaining designers and were sent out to create “an avant-garde garment inspired by your partner’s zodiac sign”. Which, the majority of them translated as “ugly”.

Now, let me go on a little diatribe here: theoretically, this was supposed to be everyone’s dream project. Designers ALWAYS, ALWAYS complain about being stifled by norms and rules and needs to conform to the market. They ALWAYS ALWAYS say things like “if I could just do whatever I wanted…”.

Well, now they let them do whatever they wanted and IT WAS A TRAIN WRECK.

Avant-garde in fashion, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, by definition should be something that while new, and groundbreaking still allows for that glimmer of light in which you can see how it can slowly and patiently be filtered down to couture then ready-to-wear then to department stores.

BUT IT HAS TO HAVE AN IDEA BEHIND IT.

Just throwing things on top of things does not make it edgy.

It makes it ugly.

Anyhoo, minor sewing drama aside (Tim calling Kenley’s outfit “very Glenda the good witch” being a highlight for me) they take them and their (ugly, non-inspirational dresses) to a party, where they hang out with all the people we loved from previous seasons (Daniel! Christian! Jay! Laura!-why did you have to leave us?) where they hobnob, Heidi grabs model’s boobs for good measure and I get bored and kind of space out.

So then I thought, thank God this is over, lets eliminate some people (this episode 2 GET BOOTED, as the contestants got informed via oversized envelopes) BUT NO… we end up being subjected to A RUNWAY.

I thought the party was the runway. I thought wrong.

Obviously the producers saw how dull, dull, dull this season’s contestants are and cut the “drama in the work room” portion in half and doubled up on nostalgia and judging (the previous contestants get to pick a winner AND the judges get to pick a winner).

Anyhoo, the RUNWAY IS A DISASTER.

Haley gasped. KC snickered. I almost died when I saw the fabric Terri used for her dress (Stretchy, cheap gold lame knit type thing that looks like something you stole from someone who still believes in Sparkler motion).

The judges were at least nicely mean (Nina was back! Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein was quietly stern! Michael Kors was fully embracing his bitchy-jewish-aunt side and Heidi is becoming less patient with them every week)

When they said “WE HAVE A HARD DECISION TO MAKE” Haley screamed: “NO YOU DON’T! THERE ARE ONLY 2 DRESSES THAT ARE NOT DISGUSTING! EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD GO HOME!”

Well tough luck, still a few weeks to go.

Anyway, Jerell won. Rightfully so, even if he had that horrifyingly boring girl Jenifer as his helper.

Leanne (as aided by Emily, and forming a super power rangers troupe of adorable indie girl couture) came up second, and rightfully so.

As for the elimination it was inevitable: Blayne (and his circus peanut face) and his “pooping fabric”  S&M (Stella was helping so there were some leatha belts involved) bonanza were sent home

peanut face no more:

as was the Terri (& Keith of the “rattail and wet chicken” fame) hot mess of bad cutting, bad fabric, bad everything.

As I said:

and Suede finally got mocked for the 3rd person jive talk and Joe somehow made something that looked OK, and Korto was solid BUT can we just spend a second looking at the thing that should have had Kenley packing her bags faster than you can say “tugboat”?

The fabric AND the pattern is gruesome.

The cut is so exaggerated it is predictable.

The skirt is the worst thing I’ve seen all season, and as you know I’ve seen some stuff. And the girl looks like a giant plaid bug. The whole thing is almost as annoying as her laugh.

UGH.

Next week: now that EVERYONE even remotely crazy is eliminated, can we spend an episode just hanging out with the judges? Please?

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