This is probably the most sexist thing I will ever write in my life, but I'm doing this as a favor to all the ladies out there who are constantly assuming the role of wallflower or wing woman.
Wanna get play?
Well, you never will if you're constantly covering yourself in "cool stuff" that does nothing for your figure.
Granted, you're trying to attract that particular guy, you know, the smart, bookish type with a bit of facial hair, but let's be real. He's a guy. He wants to see some T&A, and your Salvation Army sweater is seriously blocking the goods.
Here is my top seven list of no-no clothes (I mean, these may work on some people, but for most of us regular gals, it probably won't...sorry).
1. Smock dresses: These dresses have a stitching that cuts across the boob-area, so that means only one thing: if you've got big boobs, this will have a mumu effect and you'll end up looking like a potato sack. You could try giving yourself some shape with a cute little belt, but I still wouldn't wear this out to a club.
2. Big T-shirts with skinny jeans: If you want to showcase the tatas or the ace, this is really not a good look to go with. This look makes your body seem very top-heavy. Also, it kind of makes you look like you're a 7th grader wearing a men's size Slipknot shirt from Hot Topic -- not a very sophisticated look for a lady on the lookout.
3. Oversize bags: I hate this trend, because it's so impractical, which by default, makes you look impractical. What do you need to carry besides a cell phone and some Chapstick? Oversize bags, especially the big, shiny patent leather-types, may be hobo-chic, but it also hides half of your body when you're walking around.
4. High-waisted pants, both skinny and wide leg: If you're a petite girl, be very careful with this, because proportion-wise, it tends to look like fabric is swallowing your body whole. It's also very costume-y, so it's hard to make it work in an everyday environment outside of a concert or a club.
5. Round, 80s-style plastic eyeglasses: You want a guy that is bookish, right? Well, he doesn't want a girl that is bookish. This does nothing for your face, and will literally obliterate every ounce of sex appeal in your body.
6. Scarves:Don't get me wrong, I love scarves to death, but when girls overdo the scarf thing by using scarves that are too chunky or big and blankety, it looks awful. Not only do scarves cover the boobage, it can again, get too costume-y (depending on the way you're wearing it, you can look like an extra in a Western film or Lassie). If you're wearing it inappropriately, it also has the same effect wearing sunglasses indoors might: douchbag-esque.
7. Fedoras: Speaking of inappropriate, I can't really think of a situation where a fedora might be a good idea. Maybe if you were vacationing in Cuba (highly unlikely) and smoking a cigar. Maybe. Ladies, just stay away from this one. It's just not a good idea all around.
That's it.
Your turn now.
God loves a cheerful giver.
In regards to #4:
TRANSLATION-High waisted jeans make your ass look long. That's not a good look. Fashion be damned, it's very unattractive.
#5:
Thank you. That is a really, really unflattering look for a lot of people, male or female. If you're not nearsighted or farsighted, you shouldn't be wearing glasses. I didn't go through the hell of elementary, middle school and high school for nothing. Stop stealing our thunder!
#7:
If you're not Justin Timberlake, take that monkey shit off, you're embarrasing us.
as I am reading this I am wearing extra wide high waisted pants, a scarf that could easily make for a tent and my bag is so big it won't fit into my apartment. I am also 6'1" so its all proportional (or so I tell myself)
Having said that I will never wear a fedora or a smock dress or a big t-shirt with anything.
As a side not, in addition to these, personally, I think uggs are worse than any of the things above.
Is this some sort of joke?
Seriously, I have won over many a guy, including my current boyfriend, in the wardrobe of huge tee shirt, leggings, and high ass heels. It doesn't obliterate my body. Actually, the proportions are quite nice on everyone, because skinny pants + too skinny top + heels is almost an insta recipe for slut.
Are you trying to say that little Audrey Hepburn in her high-waisted pants looked bad? Swallowed? Costumey? Anything but classic and chic?
I'd never follow a list of fashion rules, let alone this one. Break them. All.
I agree with this.
Oh wait I misread the title I thought it said: "Trendy Women Women Should Stop Wearing Clothes. NOW!"
Serious tip: I think you went a little overboard on the Hot Chicks Should Show Off They Titties For Dudes" angle. I'm a huge fan of both ass and titties, (well mostly ass, but I digress) yet that's not the reason women shouldn't wear clothes that don't fit or that make them look misshapen.
It's the same reason hipster boys who have maybe a little too much junk in the trunk should not wear skinny jeans that make their thighs look like summer sausage.
People should wear clothes that look good on them, not that look good in magazines. No need for the misogyny. Though I'm always down for a cold refreshing bowl of misanthropy in the morning!
And alyssa, I speak for many redblooded American dudes when I say: Audrey Hepburn may look classic and chic, but she is not who I want to date. Give me a Lana Turner or Liz Taylor anytime.
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/style/hats-on/
now i don't know what to think.
Pedro - go back in your hole.
I agree with some of this, but mostly agree that most women can't dress for shit. Dudes can't either though. However girls, if you are going to wear heels? Please practice walking in them a lot. Nothing is more unsexy than hearing a girl clip clop and stumble around while trying to walk in heels.
Maddox spoke about the Smock dress, too: "I don't know what this style is called since every retailer comes up with their own "clever" name for it, so I'm just going to call them tit curtains because they look like curtains draped over your tits. You might as well be wearing a burka. It's one giant formless piece of cloth draped around your waist. There's a reason pregnant women wear clothes like this, and it's because it usually looks good on them in lieu of a beekeeper outfit. You're not pregnant, so cut that shit out.
What boggles my mind about tit curtains is that it's becoming trendy, right up there with Castro hats. I don't get it. If I had boobs, the last thing I'd want to do with them is cover them up with curtains, though I'd probably eventually cover them with curtains when I'd exhausted everything else (oil, soap, other boobs, my hands, the lid of a photocopy machine, the mouths of other lesbians, etc). Quit disrespecting your chest hams. "
Michael, I would, but she's making me some eggs right now. Also she says when you get home you're grounded.
I think that people should wear whatever they want as long as it looks good on them, and as long as they balance a staunch deemphasis of something with an emphasis of something else.
For example:
A tent dress (or "tit curtains") can be belted to show off a cute little waist. And it can be short - really, really short, and worn with heels, to make one's legs look extra long. Still ultra sexy.
Guys, I hate to break it to you, but oh! Not all girls dress in your favor and feel comfortable objectifying their bodies on a daily basis.
Miuccia Prada says something like "The sexier you dress, the less sex you'll have."
Has anyone here flipped through those Nylon guide to style books that occasional sit on the racks @ Urban Outfitters? Isn't incredible how everyone's starting to look the same?
The only thing worse than uggs are runny eggs.
I think that dressing has far less to do with trends and far more to do with personal style. I wear a scarf with EVERYTHING. I also never match. But I like what i wear and hopefully that comes off to other people. Confidence is sexy. I mean, so is someone with a bangin' body... but cover that body in shit and you look like shit.
That said.. is you are short, skirts should fall right above the knee. If you have big boobs, wear a slight v in the neck. If you have long legs... well damn you, cause I am jealous!
@Michael: LOL at tit curtains.
as for #5, "You want a guy that is bookish, right? Well, he doesn’t want a girl that is bookish."
Speaking as a bookish type myself, this is flat wrong. I love bookish girls--as in girls that actually read books--plus, a lot of guys really like bookish-looking girls. What smart guy wants to date a nitwit?
I don't think anyone here believes that women should dress to please men. But if something looks bad, it looks bad. Sunglasses that consume your entire face, UGGs, ill fitting jeans, these are things that are just plain WRONG.
1. I'm with Svetlana on the Uggs. Especially when girls wear them with mini skirts. Your feet are warm, the rest of you is barely dressed, it makes no sense.
2. If a guy is going to pass me up because I am too "bookish", then he most likely sucks. The end.
Oh man, I am very very very against the idea of being anti-Fedora. It is a very classic hat style, and will always be a "do" for people that can wear it properly. That being said, some people are 'hat people', some are not.
In the end, it comes down to having that spark of style being able to pull off many of the items listed above. Some people CAN pull them off and look hip as hell. The problem is that, with many of these fringe items being so in at the moment, everyone gets the idea that it's form them.
What it comes down to - wear what your personal style dictates, but keep your figure in mind in the process and keep it flattering. And too much trendy mixed together in one outfit is painful, don't live by trends!
P.S. - Someone needs to do this same list for the boys. I tend to see just as many 'WTF' moments with the men's fashions around here.
8. Track suits. They are pretty much pajamas in disguise.
9. Tights. They make you look like you are headed to jazzercise.
10. Leg warmers. Just don't. Even if you are heading to see an 80s cover band.
11. Tees with cutesy shit like "Korea's Got Seoul". Otherwise I am going to star wearing my "Korea's Got Dry Cleaners and Liquor Store Opeartors" wife beater.
12. Labeled bags. Kate Spade, LV, Prada, Gucci, Dooney & Bourke, etc. etc. etc.
Last Friday on U street I saw 1 out of 5 girls wearing these leggings. I won't judge on whether or not these are stylish, but the city has been oversaturated with this particular garment. Black shiny leggings are becoming as exciting as khaki cargo shorts. So to save yourself from fashion obscurity, buy and wear these sparingly.
i HATE labeled bags.
why would you want to be a walking advertisement for anything let alone dooney & bourke?
Oh and I freaking love those leggings w/an just linked to.
I've owned a pair since last year when they first showed up and ended my lifelong hate of leggings in one swift swoop.
But you have to be careful what you wear them with.
George, I will fight to the death in defense of tights. Tights are like day-long hugs for your legs. And they are cute.
Unless you are talking about ladies wearing neon yellow tights with a leotard and sweatbands, I can't equate tights with Jazzercise.
If you're against tights, what do you suggest we girls wear under dresses in cold weather? Bare legs and Uggs? No. Just no.
Tights forever and ever, amen.
You raise a good point about the tights, but only in a utilitarian sense. But I do see girls wear them with the ballet kinda shoes and get the impression they are en route to rehearsal! A scene out of A Chorus Line!
Whoa, hold on there. That girl-in-leggings-and-ballet-shoes-on-her-way-to-rehearsal look is hot, hot, hot.
On only a small portion of the chix at large, lad.
Pedro - you should try some Honey Bunches of Oats with that misanthropy.
PS. I bought the "Korea’s Got Seoul" t-shirt for a girl once
high waisted jeans just make hipsters think it's okay to buy those mom jeans from the thrift store, and those moms that wear them feel like it's okay.
anything high waisted should be worn by people with flat stomachs, otherwise you get the, as my friend calls it, the "kangaroo pouch effect".
and i agree about them being unflattering to the ass. and if you have a short torso you should steer clear of them also.
I love it when Michael bitches about girls not being able to walk in heels. i shouldn't say bitches, he's just speaking the truth. i love seeing girls in heels who can't walk in them, but they think they're sexy anyway. hilarious.
and tit curtains, lame. i mean, i don't necessarily flaunt my titties, but i don't cover them up with curtains either. those curtains are almost always worn by girls with skinny legs, no ass, a belly and bad boobs.
and most people don't know how to dress their bodies. it's sad, really.
also, my favorites of all of these are the ill-fitting kncockoffs from forever 21. awful.
almost as awful as the fake already awful label bags.
and huge bags are horrible for one's posture and can cause back/shoulder/neck issues. their really just a bad idea. i wish more girls would properly wear messenger bags. if worn properly they can distribute the weight evenly. but for some reason people wear them like shoulder bags down by their hips a lot of the time. i do not understand it.
wtf, scarves are great. how could this even be considered?
the range of height described by the term "high wasted" is pretty significant. I think pants where you can tuck shirts in or hold your bits from popping out after too much chinese food should be the law. And they are not costume-y unless you are the unfortunate soul who bought the jeans with the waist that buttons up to your rack.
big t-shirts with skinny jeans are great, dood.
this is a strange article. it is just someone's one-sided personal opinion who seems to not actually pay attention to anything.
(the big fake glasses are getting a bit old and the fedora comment i can agree with. but these are only annoying when people wear them only because others are, and without respect to their own personal style.)
kangaroo pouch effect, a.k.a. the fupa.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FUPA
AGH! that's grosser than the roo-pouch.
"it is just someone’s one-sided personal opinion who seems to not actually pay attention to anything"
Isn't that the point of blog entries? I think her observations are pretty dead-on.
Scarves are so done.
FAKE GLASSES = LAME.
and here's why.
Wearing glasses means that you suffer from some sort of visual impairment. Wearing fake glasses, in my opinion, is as distasteful and offensive faking a limp and carrying a can because it "looks cool."
As mentioned earlier, I got teased a lot as a kid. I always got called Urkel. I suppose things a little better now, as I once was compared to Kyp Malone from TV On the Radio (Minus the beard and the gut). But yea, I'm still bitter.
So to all you fake glasses wearing cats out there, stop wearing them jawns. Y'all haven't earned it. Stop frontin' like you can't see, because at the end of the day, you don't have to wear these things when its raining.
i agree with patrick, fake glasses are stupid. wtf is a jawn, though? i take it you mean joint and you are trying to spell it like you say it.
also, "scarves are so done" is a silly statement, gt. scarves are not always necessarily worn for fashion. that's alomost like saying that gloves are done. my take on scarves as far as fashion is concerned, however, is that they look cute on girls and stupid on guys. just an opinion.
lindso, so you're against low-rise jeans too? i can sympathize with that. those can be equally unattractive and if your ass is hanging out then that's just gross/tacky/etc. mid-rise for all!
(though i do wear lowrise jean, they don't really look that low on me because i have a very short torso, they still hold all my "bits" and if i want i can tuck shirts in)
This article actually does a good job of calling out all the things that women think look good on women - as opposed to clothes that men find attractive on women. Scarves are at the very top of that list. Any man would rather you not wear them. Honest. Same thing with big glasses - don't hide those pretty eyes. Despite common beliefs, we actually do look at your face first (most of the time and depending on which way you are facing and whether you can see us looking...)
All of these things actually detract from what you really look like and while I understand playing a little dress up these all go overboard. I don't hate Uggs, but will always take a pair of calf covering leather boots over them when given the chance.
thank you for that last bit, john.
uggs are to boots as track suits are pajamas.
technically this write-up is just your average Cosmo-girl "how to get dudes to sleep with you" article.
/
I personally don't care what dudes think is attractive. That could explain why i'm still single.
Oh wait, i still don't care.
How can scarves be "done?" EVER? I can see the obvious "don't" factor in what appears to be a two-dollar Ikea rag rug Sienna Miller is wearing up there, but that's just not even a scarf. It's a rug. Normal scarves are classic. Nothing is going to keep your neck warm like a scarf.
fake glasses can be fun every once in a while as long as you don't take yourself too seriously. if wearing fake ray bans makes you happy, hey! also, a big t-shirt with skinny jeans or tights can look nice, especially with a belt at the waist. but i pretty much wholeheartedly agree with everything else on this list.
Mom Jeans = my boner failing.
Malaka and Amanda, what do you have against the female gender, girlfriends?!
Who cares if girls wanna walk in heels they can't walk in?
or scarves that are too big?
We're all just little babies trying to make it in a tough world!
I say, take a tablet of acid and surround yourself with beautiful people and things.
And, then head down to the Black Cat and realize how much you truly love all the hipsters and their charmingly mistaken fashion choices and no so genuine apathy!!
It's a beautiful universe!
Love,
Josh
this whole time i thought lindso was a dude. more specifically, a dude that i know and am friends with. boy, was i ever wrong. stay single, lindso. trust me on this.
again - fake glasses or "attitude" glasses are fucking re-tar-ded. if you wear them, please go directly to a mirror, look at yourself with them on, and promptly punch yourself in the face. thank you.
michael = funny
josh = weird
can we clear up the difference between tights and leggings?
tights/stockings/panty-hose - all the same thing, transparent, not pants.
leggings are pants, but barely.
I don't have anything against the female gender. I just wonder when I see how much effort people put into looking a certain way and they manage to look ridiculous. that goes for boys and girls. People can dress how they want, I'm still going to have fun sitting in the back of the cat with someone pointing out how ridiculous they look, because that is what sort of vain and shallow person I am.
I don't dress particularly well, but I also don't usually take longer that ten minutes to get ready for anything, ever (thats doesn't include shower time). If people are going to spend some much time on how they look they should use that time to dress well for their bodies.
"some much"
so much.
doh.
Not gonna lie, I kind of hate this post!!
Someone should tell the Black Cat cowboy to give it up. Man what a douche.
who is this lindso dude that you speak of! perhaps he would also have opinions of high wasted pants or the importance of scarves?!
he would, actually.
see you're absolutely fucking right
nobody should be dressing to impress anyone else
especially not a guy
when you dress well for your body in combination with dressing confidently for yourself and for no one else, guys crawl at your feet
and if they don't, fuck them, they aren't worth it
Someone should tell Victoria's Secret that women don't dress for dudes so they can start the process of Bankruptcy.
Michael, every girl who has half a brain knows how important underwear are in determining your attitude for the day. It has nothing to do with guys. days when i'm wearing my pretty knickers are typically better than days when i'm wearing standard cotton, no matter who sees them.
oh jesus christ almighty. this is getting fucking retarded.
You so crazy! Girls have one pair of underwear/lingerie/whatever that they wear on the off chance someone else might see them. The rest is all for themselves or to enhance the clothes on the outside (thongs and pushups aren't for the fellas.) Plus Victoria's Secret promotes an attitude but mostly sells shitloads of simple panties and jammies.
ok, you are both right on some counts and you are also both dead wrong. don't think for one second that MOST women haven't bought lingerie SPECIFICALLY for a man (or men). you're crazy. unless the ones who have told me they got stuff at VS specifically for me were full of shit. i think not. and i have also heard girls talking about getting shit "for their man", too. please. buying it just for themselves. psshhh.
pushups aren't for the fellas? yes, john, they are.
thongs are the devil.
push-up bras are the devil's assistant.
seamless calvin klein (which btw is also the fashion industry standard for all the models arriving at shows) is where its at. pretty, small, comfortable, non-flossing, non-prodding.
AMEN.
men are forever fawning over my ugly glasses
well to each their own. i know men that couldn't care less, and i know guys who love lingerie. i've certainly worn some on certain occasions for a guy, but most of the time i just wear it for me.
i guess i was wrong in saying that it affects girls' attitudes, apparently just mine.
john: only one pair? that is sad. underthings can be sexy AND enhance what you're wearing and make you feel better.
it's like wearing heels when you clean or something. girls should always feel sexy no matter what they're doing. i think.
For my part I have no opinion on lingerie. Does nothing for me at all.
Hell I don't even own underwear for myself. Commando, baby.
Those hats aren't fedoras and these are all pictures of celebrities. Fedoras on women, cocked at a nice angle, look super cute. Have to disagree with there.
I'm also a little sad that this only focuses on women. Can we lay off women as being the bearers of poor fashion like it's their job to do well in this department? I think women have enough laid at their feet, as is.
that's an entire different thread. but commando is certainly something everyone should give a go.
ps glasses makes you sexy
Im a guy and I think a lot of these things are sexy OK?!
I wear Ray-Ban Wayfarer's because I'm (extremely) nearsighted, and it irks me to no end when I see people with the fake Wayfarer glasses. I got mine because my parents won't let me get contacts (I'm 15!) so I was like 'If I have to wear glasses, they might as well be cool". Unfortunately, people who don't know that think I'm a poseur.
I love how guys who read ByT are telling women what they look good in & think any women over age 13 cares.
Don't wear tights! Scarves shoud go! so funny! The impression I get is that, if you posting here, you'd prolly fuck anything that looked your way. That's just my impression!
I just have to say that I agree with Alyssa here.
This list was an opinion, this I know, but tell me you know what real fashion is!