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Halloween is HERE. Fine – it’s actually here tomorrow, but it falling on a weekend presents not one but TWO nights worth of costume opportunities. Just like last year (and the year before that), we’ve SCIENTIFICALLY TESTED 4 easy-to-throw-together outfits that all equal last-minute Halloween SUCCESS. Our 2007 spread was all about the ladies; 2008 was for the guys; this year we mind-melded and came up with the best of both worlds: because left to their own devices, GIRLS WILL BE BOYS…

THAT’S JUST LIKE, YOUR OPINION, MAN.
At first glance THE DUDE looks like the easiest costume ever – an old bathrobe, a gnar v-neck, sunglasses and Jesus sandals are all sitting in your closet in some form or another – it’s the ETHOS that’s hard to nail. To accurately portray the laziest man in all of Los Angeles County you’re going to have to lay back, take it easy, and throw ambition to the wind. Get in the mindset with a highball glass and a full night’s supply of White Russians, a Creedence cassette, and a healthy ambivalence for the man. To you, EVERYDAY is Saturday – workweek? PSSSHHHHHHT. Last time you had a steady paycheck was as a roadie for the Metallica SPEED OF SOUND TOUR. Bunch of assholes. This aggression will not stand, man.

WE GOT FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! WE GOT FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!
Wayne and Garth are probably the most righteous BFFS ever – just like you and yours. While it would HELP if you guys owned and operated a totally excellent cable access show out of Aurora, Illinois, don’t worry if you’ve only got REALLY CHEAP WIGS and an ungodly pile of middle school jeans. You’ll make do. Add plenty of joe-jobs (I mean, nothing you’d call a career – let’s put it this way: you’ve got an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets), solid affection for Stan Mikita’s jelly donuts, and a serious predilection for partytime. There’s no better bonding experience than a COUPLES COSTUME, and from here on out you guys will totally be there for each other, even when you’re incredibly humongoid giant stars; when you’re in your hanging-out-with-Ravi Shankar phases; when you’re in your carbohydrate, sequin-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet-phases. You’d be mental not to. ZANG. GAME ON.

NOTHING IS OVER. NOTHING IS EVER OVER.
The most difficult part of any Rambo costume is deciding WHICH Rambo to give to the world. First Blood Pt. II, mud-wall Rambo? TOO MESSY. Rambo IV, snake-handling Rambo? TOO MANY SNAKES. Old Rambo? TOO OLD. We went with THE ESSENCE of John J – and you should too. Just check in with Trautman, tie on a red headband, grab an army jacket and a gigantic gun or knife, and take to the woods. To survive a war, you gotta become war. TRUTH.

ROLL CREDITS.
Photographs: Alfonso Rosales (alfonso.rosales@gmail.com)
Styling: Morgan Hungerford
Becca Gourley as THE DUDE
Alexandra Verville as GARTH ALGAR
Morgan Hungerford as WAYNE CAMPBELL
Jessica Sheridan as JOHN J. RAMBO
THE DUDE’s hair by Rebekah Calo
THE DUDE’s makeup by Akemi Kanakazi (akemi@tastyandfreshness.com)
Special Effects: Erik Loften
Creative Consultant: Mitchell West
OH THANK YOU: Svetlana Legetic, Rory Sheridan, Andrew Herndon.

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