A dedicated crew of photo journalists, cultural critics, performance artists, art lovers and hangers-on descended on the greater Miami area last week to cover the world's most vulgar and decadent festival, Miami Art Basel.

all photos: Dakota Fine
all words: Adrian Parsons and Libby

Q. Why did we do it? A. Mostly we did it for you. And to bask in the money! the masterpieces! the celebrities! the champagne! the beauty! the horror!

The humidity and the glamor are excessive; the amount art and parties are extensive. Just like SXSW, it's impossible to see everything or go to every party and impossible not to have some degree of a nervous breakdown.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Art Basel let me break it down in numbers:

Art Basel Miami Beach = 2,500 artists represented by 250 of the world's leading galleries from 33 countries during a five-day span at the Miami Beach Convention Center, attended by over 61,000 people. But please don't limit yourself to the stable of established galleries and artists that is the convention center. In addition to Art Basel there are 19 satellite fairs (including NADA, Scope, Photo Miami, Art Whino and many more) dominated by up-and-coming galleries and artists that fall on various points of the talent spectrum.

Okay, so... one of the SUPER awesome things about Art Basel Miami is that a lot of people we know from around DC also descend upon Miami, and it's a giant party with your friends. Now, I know it might not look that way from the images immediately below, but really this lounge was put together by the Corcoran for the NADA Art Fair (one of Art Basel's numerous satellite art fairs). It was called the "Corcoran Lounge" and it featured Corcoran grad work -- the design work of DC native Marc Ross' acrylic furniture and the sculpture work of Akemi Maegawa's little teardrop dumplings inside/underneath the tables. You can find out more about this installation here... the following are a smattering of images from NADA. -DF

So just Imagine MOST OF THE ENTIRE ART WORLD showing, buying, sometimes sleeping and usually always partying in an area no bigger than 2 squares miles.

Things are bound to get weird.

And who knows weird better than Adrian Parsons, Dakota and I?

Libby's Highlights:

• Adrian's performance piece Droid w/ Philippa Hughes on the roof of the Gansevoort South Beach where featured Adrian dressed in a motorcycle helmet with a live feed of Philippa over his face while smoking a cigar and weirding out pool lounge lizards.

• Checking out the Miami-based design collective Friends With You pop up store in the Miami Design District where I scored an awesome print and a coloring book.

• BYTing the Design District (documented by Kristin Guiter of the Corcoran).

• Ragnar Kjartansson's video installation at the MOCA "On the Reach of Realism" exhibition entitled GOD: Sorrow Conquers Happiness. At 30 minutes long Ragnar sings the same phrase "sorrow conquers happiness" over and over, playing with themes repetition and endurance in performance. Apparently Ragnar is an Icelandic electro pop-star-cum-art star darling of the 2009 Venice Biennale. SWOON.

• Trendspotting ungulates. There were 30+ variations of hoofed animals covered in diamonds and/or dipped in precious metal.

• Design Miami where I saw John McEnroe scoping out Maarten Baas pieces AND this gold plated gun by Israeli artist Ayala Serfaty. God is good.

But Art Basel week isn't just about art, it's about parties and famous people.

Famous People Sighted:

• John McEnroe (adorable)
• Val Kilmer (fat)
• Russel Simmons (nerdy)

Live Performances and Parties Crashed:

• Baltimore's Cullen Stallin capturing Peaches dressed up like a carpet monster

• Adrian getting up in Justice's face

[vimeo]http://www.vimeo.com/8036924[/vimeo]

• Finding the hippest most anti-commercial underground satellite art fair with Adrian.

[vimeo]http://www.vimeo.com/8048710[/vimeo]

Eeek! The parties. It's not enough that your on the roof 50 stories tall of some luxury hotel partying, the toilets have to look and feel like this?!? Art Basel Miami beach features more installations than any one person could possibly count and the art never stops. The art is the party, the party is the art. And partying with art people, well I guess you're just bound to come across at least one or two cross-dressing dudes wearing fanny packs and carrying a Ray Ban gift bag he got from some other party... man, I wish I had snagged me one of those. Gift bags at Art Basel Miami are certainly things to be coveted. -DF

I mean, WTF is going on in this picture?!? I took it, and I couldn't even tell you. -DF

The following images of art come from the Scope Art Fair, another of the satellite fairs.

The image below if the library is one of Jean-François Rauzier who calls his work "Les Hyperphotos." Not a great name for sure, but what can you do? He's French. On the other hand, his SUPER surreal, Dali-esque fantasy photo masterpieces are stunningly imaginative and HUGE. You can literally fall into these photographs. The one below was made from some famous library in Paris with one floor of stacks, but he went ahead an illustrated like seven more. This giant-awesome photograph sold at the Scope Art Fair for a measely $28,000. Boo hoo. -DF

Metallic chromed-out sculptures everywhere... seriously, it's getting old. Although, cheeseburger sculptures of any kind will always be acceptable anywhere. I approve.

Also, Miami skies before and after rainstorms, not to be missed, definitely one of my highlights. But not only that, the beach! I mean, you go from one champagne sipping art fair to another and when you wanna take a break, oh yeah, lest I forget, it's 80 degrees in December and the water is beautiful and oh, about 5 blocks away. -DF

The following art fair images are from the official Art Basel Miami Beach Art Fair (the grand-daddy of them all). Now this is where the heavy hitters come to shop. Notice the giant Picasso right as you come through the main entrance. Yeah, any one in the market from some priceless shit in a guilded frame? Cool, well if you're not interested in the Picasso's we understand there's some more priceless Miro's for you to drool over just on the other side of that wall. -DF

Just a note about the photograph directly below. I is the work of Andreas Gursky, German-born photographer and a student of the great Hilla and Bernd Becher. This dude is the cat's meow of the fine art photography world as evidenced by the exorbitant fees he reeps for his works. According to wikipedia, and in this instance I'm pretty sure they've got it right because it's a pretty well known fact, Andreas Gursky holds the record for highest price paid for a single photograph at an art auction (Sotheby's in London, in case you were wondering) and that price came out to a completely ASTOUNDING 1.7 million pounds, or 3.3 million American dollars. For fuck's sake. Spread the cheese, Gursky.

This particular image is of an apartment building in Sao Paolo, Brazil and is actually two photographs taken of the front and back of the same building and then juxtaposed together. This is what the man running this booth told me, to my surprise, I did not know Gursky did any post-production digital manipulation, but maybe he does? The photos themselves are taken with large format film and then transfered to digital and printed on tow EXTREMELY large pieces of paper with are later seemlessly fused together. Phew, what an ordeal. Oh, and the price tag on this one? I was told by the gallery manager is sold for a measely 380,000 Euro. -DF

Costume Play: Basel Fashions

Lastly, I just needed to leave you all with a bit of fashion. Art Basel does it right, lemme tell you. There is so much fashion and so much to look at, I wish I had gotten more, but let's just say it's like fishing with a hand grenade. Everywhere you look is some amazing outfit/person/lifestyle... awesome. -DF

In conclusion: We wish it was Art Basel every day, everywhere.

Previously in Tangents:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 11/2: PHOTOS: TAXLO Halloween (feat. Chain Gang of 1974)
• 10/10: #OccupyWallStreet
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
• 7/20: PHOTOS: Artscape
• 7/19: Miho Hatori's Guide to New York City
• 4/11: Cirque Du Soleil: Totem (A Review)
• 12/29: War, Reenacted
• 12/29: What in Hell is Slaughterama?!?