I am not a mall person.
I am usually good for about 30 minutes and then I need to get out. Unless you take me to the candy store, then I am good for about 35 minutes. Last week I had to suck it up and head out to Pentagon City to buy a birthday gift for a friend.
You know what I noticed?
There is some really good stuff at the mall.
Too bad it is just always entirely too crowded to shop at a leisurely pace.
You know what else I noticed?
Cosmetics got expensive! Seriously, we are talking $30 eye shadow and $50 moisturizer. So, I have decided to share some of my super-top- secret-hush-hush beauty secrets with you.
Proceed with caution…
Diorshow mascara is great. It is super black, goes on thick, but not clumpy, and makes it look like you have eyelashes for days. It is also $24. But recently I discovered Maybelline Colossal Lash mascara. One word… AMAZING. And it is only $6.99 at CVS.
When it comes to a good face scrub, there are few things better than Bliss Facial Polish. But I can’t always justify the $30 price that comes with it. New solution… mix brown sugar with honey and apply to your face. It is super gently, moisturizes and leaves your skin all glowy. It doesn’t taste too bad either.
Have a pimple? You can go to Blue Mercury and buy Dermalogica Overnight Clearing Gel for $40 or you can go buy a bottle of aspirin, crush it up, mix with water to form a paste, and apply overnight. In the morning it is gone. Honest, try it.
But if for some reason that pimple is still red when you wake up, put some Visine on a q-tip and apply to the problem area. It will sap the red out for a solid three hours, then you need to reapply.
And you know those oil blotting papers that you can get at Mac ($12.50) or from Clean and Clear for about $5? Well, I have a secret for you. They are made with basically the same fibers that toilet seat covers are made with (the things you learn in fashion school!). So next time it is hot and humid and you are in need, just dip into the bathroom and rip off a piece of seat cover.
It’s really not as gross as it sounds.
That’s all I got for now…
Actually this is a pretty informative article. I wish I were a woman, I’d print it out and hang it in my bathroom.
August 21, 2008 at 2:11 pmtypo in the first sentence. No good
no’ if you’re Sco’ash.
Can I get my two minutes back
hell, I’ll give you 10 minutes if you promise to choke on a dick. Go ahead and write about it when you’re done too.
first, thanks for this post. i hadn’t heard about the pimple quick fix and the other info is also nice!
second (rant), i’m so tired of the lousy debbie-downers that comment on here. i wish you’d spread your unhappiness elsewhere.
August 21, 2008 at 2:14 pmIt’s ok if you don’t like it… just don’t be a dick about it. Bad for your karma, my man.
(ps… if you write about your dog’s balls, definitely include some pictures. Love a good visual)
August 21, 2008 at 2:21 pmDear author (Meg),
Don’t let that dude shake your confidence. There’s plenty of good/new-to-most info in here to warrant this post.
And, dude, typos are pretty much meaningless. People who don’t (and/or can’t) read past them are even less important.
Best,
YSL
P.S. I have no idea what oil blotting papers are, but I just stole a fat stack of seat covers from the handicapped bathroom just in case.
August 21, 2008 at 2:44 pmThanks YSL!
I am a wealth of random facts… useless or not.
if you need me i’ll be cutting up toilet seat covers into neat little face-sized rectangles in the conference room!! thanks meg!
August 21, 2008 at 2:51 pmI’ve also heard that crushing up aspirin and adding it to honey is a good face scrub.
August 21, 2008 at 3:18 pmwhat about golden showers for clearing up acne?
August 21, 2008 at 3:24 pmI thought the golden showers worked best for athelete’s foot or something. Isn’t what Madge advocates?
August 21, 2008 at 3:29 pmoh oh. also. i’m obsessed with the Origins ‘Get Down’ face scrub. And it’s only like $18 .. as for just straight up face wash, the Philosophy Purity tops my list there. So cleannnnnn
August 21, 2008 at 3:31 pmif you get stung by an electric eel peeing on it (or being peed on) is the way to go.
for acne also good: toothpaste and mustard.
not together though.
Brown sugar + olive oil (or any oil, I suppose) makes a good moisturizing scrub for dry skin . Not so tasty, though. Also Milania is a good, reasonably priced drugstore brand for nail polish. Better coverage than Wet ‘N’ Wild without the expense of a more reputable brand.
August 21, 2008 at 3:33 pmtoothpaste is absolutely good for getting rid of acne (cuz it dries the area out bigtime). i never heard mustard, though. weird.
August 21, 2008 at 3:39 pmIf you’re into wearing faux lashes (which I am. double set please!) after you apply the adhesive hit it with a little heat from a blow dryer before applying. They will stay on all night even after the most intense dance party.
August 21, 2008 at 3:41 pmAimee - “any oil” is not the same as olive oil. Olive oil is good, most other oils are bad.
Except for baby oil because it’s made from babies.
August 21, 2008 at 3:50 pmyes to baby oil!! esp. the new shits that come in gel form. slather that baby on your legs and its like presto! sex!
August 21, 2008 at 4:01 pmWhat’s the point of the brown sugar? Just as an abrasive?
August 21, 2008 at 4:25 pmMichael - thanks for the tip :)
g is for giraffe - yes, and it’s cheaper (unit price wise) than packaged exfoliants. and you can put it in your sweet potatoes.
August 21, 2008 at 5:26 pmthe ancient greeks used olive oil to bathe with - rub it all over and use a little c-shaped bronze device to scrape the oil (and sweat and dirt) off.
August 21, 2008 at 5:31 pmlemon juice, honey and sugar make a great foot scrub.
yougurt (plain, but you could probably use any kind) is and oatmeal make a great hydrating mask.
i’ve heard about asprin and when i’m out of my spot gel, i use toothpaste, for acne, but mustard? really? svet diid grow up in serbia.
hmm… - most of these tips can be found in cosmo or marie claire, as in this article is mostly directed at women. i’m assuming your male.
i’m also assuming that michael likes this article because its along the same lines as his shaving article.
August 21, 2008 at 5:41 pmalso, baby oil removes wax really well. i mean body wax, i don’t know about candle wax, but my bet would be no.
not only does it remove it though, it also helps to calm the skin.
August 21, 2008 at 5:42 pmThe honey/brown sugar idea sounds great. Or maybe I’ll just put that in my tea.
August 21, 2008 at 6:08 pmDon’t forget -
MAC concealer lasts me over a year. It’s fantastic. You just brush it on any blemish - it’s thick and tacky so it stays on all day esp. if you use their foundation and Fix It (fixative for your face, ha ha, crazy & weird i know but it works!) but you don’t have to - you can use it alone and at $20 it’s worth it. Have one of their cosmotola ladies gists help you pick the color because there are three hues: warm, neutral and cool and you dont want to get it wrong…
cheers. ash.
Also I like Neutragena for face scrubs and washes because they’re relatively cheap (compare to l’occitane for example) and any glycerine based soap is going to be really clean and gentle on your face. Any unscented moisturizer (lubriderm, eucerin, etc) from the drugstore can help you stay moisturized, it doesnt have to be any one kind as long as you use one. That’s why the proactive products work–clinique has the same system. They’re not really selling you a product but an *idea*. The idea is this - wash your face, then use a tonic or astringent if you need to and put the moisture back in with moisturizer. We do the same thing to our hair by cleaning it first with shampoo and getting all the oils out and then putting the moisture and oils back in wth conditioners and tonics (I happen to love Bumble and Bumble TONIC personally).
August 21, 2008 at 6:18 pm(Hair tonics go in wet hair as leave in rinses after you shampoo and condition). Blow or air dry. Redken makes a good one with a heat protectant if you want to blow dry - it’s called Redken Smooth Down Heat Glide - Redken tends to be more expensive than bumble and bumble but still if it works for you go for it. You basically have to experiment and know your hair type, everyones hair will react differently…I usually ask my hair stylist what products she uses., but again these products (usually Redken, Pureology, Aveda) aren’t cheap unless on Sale. Some of the bigger Pureology bottled shampoos are worth it even at $55 for 33 oz. , because you only need to use a tiny amount and will last over a year. But the conditioners tend to run out faster.
August 21, 2008 at 6:23 pmToothpaste, left on overnight will dry out the pussy gooey ones (YUK!)
Lemon Juice (for the balls out crowd) - hurts like a beyotch but works to dry em up. Put it on a Q tip. I only do this when I get one of those gross pimples in my ears because I really canNOT stand them.
August 21, 2008 at 6:26 pmwhat’s cheaper is my dad’s skin care line
lasts longer than other products on the market
and shows you results in one month
he takes before and after pictures to prove it
his Optimal Solution TM cleanser and toner in the morning
with his Optimal Solution TM sunscreen all day
then cleanser and toner at night
sleep with Retin A on
wash and repeat
the sunscreen protects you
and the Retin A combats even mild acne
while exfoliating the skin and removing the top layer
to expose rejuvenated younger skin cells below
he has to see you in person to prescribe the Retin A
make sure it works for you
otherwise he’d be selling the entire program online
raking it in
works for me
and i rarely wear makeup
http://www.rejuvenationcenter.com/procedures/non-surgical/optimal-solution.php
before and after pictures coming soon
good god, lily! if you have any DIY tips, we’d love to hear them, because we’re poor and our daddies aren’t plastic surgeons who give us products for free.
August 21, 2008 at 8:30 pmlily, are you serious? like *seriously* serious? because you sound like you’re making an infomercial.
i think dr. freud might have something to say about your comment as well. (queue creepy music)
August 21, 2008 at 10:50 pmwell i’m trying to save you money on products that may not work and don’t have a prove it, before and after picture proposal, for success
and if you asked nice, i’m sure we could get you a discount
sometimes being politically astute and non-bashing can be advantageous for your self interest
and what exactly would dr. freud contribute to what i had to say?
August 22, 2008 at 1:36 amthis is going to sound crazy, but i just use whatever soap is white and cheap. i lather it up a bit, put it on my face, and use (this is the crazy part) one of those green scrubby pads that you would typically use for dishes (but cut into fourths, otherwise it’s just too big). it exfoliates and deep cleans like no other.
my dad was a marine, he taught me this. when he was in the service they “weren’t allowed to have pimples.” he’s old.
August 22, 2008 at 8:34 amI use whatever soap wasn’t tested on cute bunny rabbit eyes or is made with the hides and skins of cows and pigs(gelatin).
I’m such a softee.
Neutrogena is tested on turtles and baby peeps.
I’ll eat the fuck out of a burger but don’t think that some dumb animal should be held in a cage and have mascara rubbed in its eyeballs to see if they will explode or not, much less have perfumes sprayed up its nose or fingernail polish poured in its ear canals or down its throat to see how long it takes to die. If you aren’t a fucking moron then you will agree.
http://www.thevegetariansite.com/ethics_test.htm
August 22, 2008 at 10:02 ami typically use dove or ivory. stuff with dye irritates my skin. i suppose i should be more animal-test conscience.
the stuff amish people make works pretty good too, but i’m pretty sure that’s made from pig fat.
August 22, 2008 at 11:15 amMy eye doctor had to talk me into this, but baby shampoo works great for removing eye makeup. Cheaper and less irritating than some of the fancy brands.
August 22, 2008 at 11:16 ami love baby lotion (johnson’s) for mosturizing and for removins makeup. just rub it on your face, work a little on your lashes, and wipe with a damp washcloth. voila!
August 22, 2008 at 11:22 amMy nana boils aloe and then soaks cotton pads in it. Her skin glows at 90… it is ridiculous. It also works great for puffy eyes. Just make sure to keep the aloe in the fridge, or else it gets pretty nasty.
August 22, 2008 at 11:25 amdo you mean keep the aloe by itself in the fridge after boiling it? or the aloe soaked pads in the fridge?
August 22, 2008 at 11:31 amsoak the pads in the aloe and keep in the fridge. It will last for about a week.
August 22, 2008 at 11:35 ambest body soak ever: two cups baking soda, two cups epsom salt in hot bath water. soak about 30 minutes. your skin seriously feels amazing.
also soaking new nylons in salt helps to prevent runs.
August 22, 2008 at 11:46 amCotton pads aside - for puffy eyes, resting some chamomile tea bags (post steeping) on them works wonders too.
August 22, 2008 at 12:33 pmwet or dry teabags?
August 22, 2008 at 1:37 pmPost (after) steeping (soaking in hot water).
August 22, 2008 at 1:38 pmthanks.
August 22, 2008 at 1:56 pmthanks michael for pointing out the horrifyingly revolting truth about neutragena. I’ve switched over to Alba (no animal testing in their pineapple enzyme face scrubs and washes - not cheap at $12 each but not insanely exp. either-easily avail at CVS unlike Lush lovely bathbombs). Still i like all this DIY stuff. Keep on keeping on. . .
September 2, 2008 at 6:42 pmSmash, you had me at “dry out the pussy”
September 2, 2008 at 7:41 pmhydrogen peroxide also takes out red wine and blood. even after it has dried. Amazing.
September 2, 2008 at 9:08 pmok, this posting is old but just discovered it and have lots of tips (if anyone’s still reading):
-organic apple cider vinegar diluted as a toner is ammaaazing or rinsed through hair to get rid of build up. its also supposed to do good things for your skin if you drink it diluted daily.
-a little baking soda mixed with your facial cleanser cleans you out gently and is good for most skin types because its ph neutral and ever so slighty gritty like microdermabrasion
-a little vaseline on your eyelashes at night conditions them and makes them so soft and they curl better because they’re not so brittle after too many years of mascara. also on lips to moisturize. can take off eye make up too
-body scrubs made with sugar and extra virgin olive oil and youve never felt so soft
-crush 4 aspirin (uncoated) add a little water and few drops of honey. leave on for 15 minutes and your pores will thank you
September 16, 2008 at 10:27 pmCale,
ha.
good one. i didnt’ even realize i did that.
yuk. that’s kind of gross, you know.
Gutter minded, you are.
Can I get my two minutes back? Seriously. Can I write an article about taking my dog to the vet to get his balls removed? I’m sure BYT readers are dying to hear about it. BTW, typo in the first sentence. No good.
August 21, 2008 at 2:07 pm