Teenagers, the rodonculously hip to the bone trio of French youths is coming to DC (and the Black Cat) next Wednesday (May 7th) to play some music and support their well received, and permanently ingrained in our brain debut record “Reality Check”
To celebrate their arrival to this nation’s capital, the kind folks over at Beggars/Matador are offering up a super deluxe “Teenagers” gift package including:
a pair of tickets to give away +
Teenagers T-shirt +
Reality Check CD +
Teenagers badges
and a set of “Love No” tricolore 7″ singles on red/white/blue vinyl
Pretty Jazzy No?
So to win, just leave a comment involving some sort of a gruesome teenage aged story and the one that makes me simultanously laugh and cry will win.
Easy.
Peasy.
Do it.
Extra motivation RIGHT HERE:
She’s a cheerleader, she’s a virgin, and she’s really tan
Oh yeah - those kids have filthy mouths by the way!
May 2, 2008 at 11:52 amwhen i was fourteen, my first BF wanted me to give him my first BJ…. and i, of course, was clueless. so i bought a bunch of books (sex tips for straight women from gay men, etc) and magazines (cosmo, etc) and did the only thing i knew how to do - i studied up.
unfortunately, i have a rather sensitive gag reflex (though years of practice have somewhat lessened it). so when the big moment came, i actually vommed a little bit! and it landed on his stomach!! luckily, it was very watery and i guess he was into what i was doing because he didn’t seem to notice. so i just wiped it off and kept going - though with a little less attempted deep throat action!
May 2, 2008 at 1:11 pmsomeone should double bill the french teenies with smoosh.
May 2, 2008 at 5:49 pmI AM a teenager, for real. And I’m going to prom. That’s gruesome, right?
May 3, 2008 at 11:40 amsince were on the topic of sex and what not. When i was 15 and was with my first serious girlfriend we decided that it’d be a good idea to have sex outside. Granted both of our houses were occupied that day as well, but we were adventurous. We walked around her whole neighborhood and decided it’d be a good idea on a playground. She had a long skirt on and i just had jeans. So we get started and everything is going fine, all of a sudden she goes oh my god oh my god oh my god. I’m thinking uh oh did i do something wrong? but it actually turns out a little kid had taken to his afternoon playtime, sitting literally two feet next to us, this kid had to be about seven, he had a little toy dump truck and was vroom vroom while my girlfriend and i were in the throes of passion, if you wanted to call it that. I hardly think a quickie counts as (passionate love) but some may beg to differ. Well, as you can imagine the predicament were in, halfway in between the nasty and some kid shows up, she having a little more sense suggests we leave. I on the other hand had plans of my own, not only did i convince her it was ok to keep on going we both started talking to the kid. The little kid had no idea what was going on and were both trying to keep a straight face but obviously had difficulty. The result was something like this “wanna play fire truck” *in the mid moan* “no”, “are you hurting her”? Needless to say we got the hell out as soon as possible. I dont think im doing things on a playground anytime soon.
May 3, 2008 at 2:27 pmlast night i went to the relaunch party at artomatic and, gracefully, ended up puking outside all over my crushed velvet yellow hotpants. but its cool cause the color of my puke and the hotpants matched. i felt especially lady like.
May 4, 2008 at 12:03 pmSo, for highschool spirit week, they had a pajama day. I figured, at 15, that I’d go along with the theme and wear my boxers to school.
But did they suspend me? no. Did they throw me a pair of pants? No. They give me in school suspension, where I sat, for about six hours, in the coldest room ever, in my boxers. And then, the 300 pound (at least) afro and chops sporting vice principal lectured me on how he slept in the nude, but that didn’t mean that he could just show up naked because it was spirit week.
Oh, and then there was one time while in the (very loosely policed) creative writing class, I somehow managed to arrange myself - I’m skinny - so that I was writing on the seat of my chair with my torso between the metal poles that attached the back of the chair to the seat of the chair. I’m not sure if this is explained clearly, but the long and the short of it is that and got stuck and I had to be escorted down the halls to the main custodial office to have him take a hacksaw to the chair to get it off of me.
Oh, and then there was the time that I went swimming, put my shirt on, put my draws on, put my socks and shoes on, and then walked back without any pants.
Also, I really like the teenagers, and their remixes of Bonafied Lovin and It’s The Beat actually bring me to tears.
Tickets, please?
May 5, 2008 at 10:02 amWell, I was gay and going to prom with one of my last friends that thought I was straight (and this was in a small town in the most southern and conservative part of Missouri). We didn’t dance and she ditched me half way through the night for someone else. I was left alone to pine over my basketball star crush. Rush ahead to five years later, she just had her first child with a 45 year old man that just so happens to be the father of my sisters first child. Beat that bitches.
May 5, 2008 at 11:34 pmI was about 16 years old and it was the fourth of July. Luckily, my friend’s parents were out of town and he decided to have a party at their pool. We had been beer bonging St. Ides mixed with Triple Sec all afternoon, which you can imagine right away was a recipe for disaster. It led to fantastic times for many of us, but an uneasy stomach for one unlucky lass.
We had our eye on eachother all afternoon and decided to consumate our interests behind my friends father’s shed. After a sweaty makeout session in the grass she decided to relieve my teenage boner. She decided to give me a blowjob underneath the fireworks (for what probably only lasted about a minute and a half). After swallowing my newly fertile teenage love juice, she proceeded to spew the st. ides and triple sec mixture all over my crotch.
She was called Vomit Head for the rest of her high school career and I had to return to the party with a lap full of barf.
May 6, 2008 at 5:14 pmI never went to high school parties during high school because my group of friends thought going to chipotle, a movie, and getting home until slightly after midnight was the description of a CRAZY night. Anyways the one time my good friend who was trying to catch up after I returned from my germany trip said we should try to check one out. I got really excited about the idea and convinced my sister to cover for me for an hour or two and then pick me up. [This was on my mom's birthday] So by the time we got there and people had brought the Natty light or whatever was the beer of choice I had less than an hour left so I decided to chug 6 or 7 beers because how drunk could I get? REALLY DRUNK is the answer. I decided to ask every guy at the party to make out with me on my way out.
My sister took me to 7-11 to get a slurpee to help in the sobering up process and I fell head first out of the van. Then we went to Wendy’s where I refused to get anything other than a spicy chicken sandwich. I ran into my room and passed out only to wake up in a pile of vomit. My mom was so scared that she freaked and asked for an immediate explanation. The only thing I could think of was to go along with the cover up story of going to Silver Dinner and so I said that and then added that some waiter let me order beer.
Now the only part that I am still embarassed about to this day is that she dragged me to Silver Dinner at 2 in the morning to point out which waiter served me. I still couldn’t walk, was covered in vomit, and was crying. Obviously there was no waiter to point out so we left and I didnt go back for the rest of the summer. I still laugh/blush every time I enter the place and I have a feeling they still remember me as that drunk girl who is unable to come up with a decent lie.
May 7, 2008 at 2:03 am
I will cover “Reality Check” in the ol’ design column next week.
May 2, 2008 at 11:50 am