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all photos: Dakota Fine
all words: Jeff Jetton

Dakota called me on Wednesday and asked if I wanted to report on the Scripps’ National Spelling Bee Finals on Thursday night.  I told him that I tried to get press credentials before and had trouble, but if he could arrange it, I’d totally be into it.  So he did.

I don’t really know how to explain what the hell happened.  My roommate Marissa and I got our press credentials and walked downstairs into the grand ballroom at the Grand Hyatt and within two minutes we were swarmed by security guards and asked to leave.  They confiscated our credentials and told us we were not allowed anywhere near the premises.  I hadn’t even had a chance to do anything wrong.

Now, I will admit when I’m wrong.  In fact I totally deserved to get kicked out of the Montgomery County Fair two years ago.   But, seriously, we hadn’t done anything to deserve it this time.  I tried to make nice with the security guard and asked to speak with someone from the Bee but then two DC cops showed up and made it VERY clear that we weren’t welcome.

The security guard spoke with somebody at the Media Relations desk who said that apparently brightestyoungthings.com wasn’t a qualified media outlet and we weren’t allowed to be there.  I begged to differ and as I was driving away, placed a call to Corrie Loeffler, the cute girl who ran the joint, and she somehow managed to reinstate our passes with some much appreciated apologies.  I was going to give a harsh retelling of the story with someone that Marissa and I dubbed the Bee Nazi as the main antagonist, but really it was just a misunderstanding and all is forgiven.  (Note: these reenactment pictures were taken after the Bee was over with some very cooperative undercover cops that were really good sports)

I really am amazed that we were thrown out of the National Spelling Bee by security guards AND uniformed police officers, though.

Anyways, the Bee.  As I’m sitting here writing this I’m watching the Bee on Sports Center.  Sports Center?  Fine with me, but it just seems like the dudes who are watching ESPN at 1:36AM are not the same people who should be watching 13 year-old girls spell ‘thyrocervical’.  But what do I know?

Autograph seekers were everywhere.  These kids are rockstars to the 8-year old nerd set.  I have to admire the fanboys who filled up the entire journal with the signatures of spelling champions.  I wonder if there will ever be a Beckett Guide to Spelling Bee memorabilia.  I mean, it’s on ESPN for Christ’s sake.

This is your runner up.  He’s got a moustache.  And he’s really awkward.  Homeschooled.  But learning to play guitar.  I have a feeling he will join some sort of angular, art-punk band in college and turn out just fine.  Somebody send him some Q and Not U and Pit Er Pat cd’s, please!

I wanted this kid to win.  She was funny and had great personality:

Nope, not Cale.  Actually one of the contestants shoes.  But really, I can’t imagine Cale NOT buying these after he sees this post.

More freakin’ autographs.  I felt like I was at ComicCon or the Adult Video Awards or something.  These kids could not get enough of each others’ signatures.

The crowd favorite.  This kid was ALL OVER Sports Center.  He seriously got a 1-minute standing ovation when he spelled out.  I don’t know his name, but he was definitely the most popular kid there and I feel great things to come from him.

Spelling: exciting!

Really Exciting!

The hand tablet thingy.  A few of the kids would write the word on their hand with their finger before they spelled it.  They should ban this next year.  It slows down the Bee and it feels a little like cheating.  Plus it gives you insight into how weird and programmed to spell some of these kids really are.

Tom Bergeron and Dr. Jill Biden chilling at the Bee.  Is she considered ‘the Second Lady’?  Not sure the actual term, but I kind of got a strange feeling that Tom Bergeron was way too into her.  Dakota actually caught a snap of her security asking him to please stop leering creepily:

At least, that was my interpretation of the photo.  A quick ‘woah Bundy’ before the Finals began:

Autograph hounds are a little more skeevy when they are 45-year old men.  Not sure what was going on here:

For all you hipsters out there, I did have the pleasure of sitting next to the mother and grandmother of the only kid from Brooklyn.  His name is Thomas J. Harkins and he really wants to be in a NASCAR movie and drive racecars.  He is also scalping some Mets tickets if anyone is looking for some.  This kid is going to be the King of Brooklyn someday.

And yes, from kicked out of the National Spelling Bee to congratulating the winner, Kavya Shivashankar, personally, it was a rollercoaster of a night.

Her winning word was ‘Laodicean’ and I have to admit that her robotic way of spelling each word out on her hand and asking every possible question about each word even though she clearly already knew the word and spelling bugged the hell out of me.  That being said, she was a gracious winner and seems like a genuinely nice kid.  Congratulations, Kavya!

The night ended in the bar with a quick chat with Tom Bergeron (of Hollywood Squares, America’s Funniest Home Videos and Dancing With The Stars fame) and the blonde reporter who was interviewing most of the contestants.

And for some reason there were protesters outside of the Bee earlier in the day.  I have absolutely no idea what they were protesting:

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