PHOTOS BY:
Sexy Fitsum (See full set here)
and
Dakota Fine (See full set here)
The beauty of SHORTS lies in the fact that it is a school night dance party, at a teeny bar that doesn’t necessarily host dance parties (RIFF RAFF being an exception that proves the rule) and yet it still gets everyone insanely excited about being half naked, rubbing against other half naked people, dancing on bars, and collectively freaking to “TWO PRINCES” (yes, you read that one right).
Last Thursday’s edition had the added (dis)advantage of it being pouring monsoon style outside, but that really only resulted in a more captive and already slippery when wet audience.
PHOTOS AHOY (some a teeny bit NSFW, but then, that’s what makes all the best photo sets “best”)
and then DAKOTA:
Anyone who makes some comment like ‘look at all the scene whore coked out hipsters’ is secretly wishing they went to this party. When is this gonna happen on a weekend? I’m getting old.
May 12, 2008 at 12:49 pmwhy wasn’t this labeled NSFW??? i just got fired!
the guy holding the pbr looks like he is in an enzyte commercial.
May 12, 2008 at 1:01 pmCale - not secretly wishing I went to this party. At all.
May 12, 2008 at 1:06 pmCondoms. All I say is condoms, people. D.C.’s bad enough.
May 12, 2008 at 1:15 pmshorts is tight
May 12, 2008 at 1:27 pmtight shorts are even better.
May 12, 2008 at 1:32 pmPBR > Enzyte
Shorts > Every other party
May 12, 2008 at 1:41 pmps…who is the hater michael? reveal yourself. what is your diet that makes you hate so much? lots of trans fats? saturated fats? too many preservatives?
May 12, 2008 at 1:42 pmyup - Enzyte/PBR was me. I take enzyte. LOTS of it. And Cialis. I dissolve it in a shooter glass full of Jager, then pour it in a can of PBR. It’s a little cocktail I call a Raging Hard-On.
Add that to Spin Doctors and you immediately have to change your pants.
May 12, 2008 at 1:50 pmRyan - everyone knows who I am. I write for here and I go out a lot. And I don’t hate everything, I just hate really stupid things and demand better parties than this atrocity.
My parties have style.
May 12, 2008 at 1:59 pmgive me example of style.
and by everyone, you mean EVERYONE right? well i had no idea, so your implication is VERY self centered. tone it down on the style bro.
May 12, 2008 at 2:13 pmI didn’t think Dakota was old enough to be seeing nipples…
May 12, 2008 at 2:13 pmRyan - I’m sure you do.
Style? My 20’s party for one. My upcoming party at the RnR and H St for two.
Shorts is a gimmick, that’s it. But hey, you like it. I don’t. Big deal, I was just repying to Cale’s insinuation. I don’t have to like what you like, you don’t have to like what I like, and so on.
Cheers.
May 12, 2008 at 2:20 pmnevermind, dont respond. you may be above atrocities such as shorts, but im above bloguments. we will just agree to disagree.
May 12, 2008 at 2:20 pmthe only reason i read comments anymore is to see who is going to get into an argument with michael.
cale: i second that. these need to be on the weekends.
May 12, 2008 at 2:30 pmAmanda - I live by Svetlana’s adage: Comments are content.
May 12, 2008 at 2:41 pmi suppose.
but i still get a kick out of them.
May 12, 2008 at 2:45 pmI’ll give it to Mikey, he’s consistent in his hatreds and committed to liking only things that fit his personal aesthetic, plus he know most of the people he’s busting on and doesn’t post anonymously, so continued props for that. The thing is, consistency is pointless when it comes to doucheypartytimes. Some things (like drinking PBR with a straw or going to Chef Ikes or grinding on a dude in a speedo) are too damn fun to care how embarrassingly trashy and affected they are.
Pity the hater, for he shall never know the kingdom of blingdom.
May 12, 2008 at 3:06 pmHey man…It was my last week in DC…
had to go balls to the wall….I’ve never gotten a NSFW before
loves it.
p.s
Cale….I stopped doing coke after I stopped listening to Happy Hardcore. I was high on shorts.
and jamision…
I thought I was going to be a (secret) hater.
but I was converted.
but I think it’s perfect for Thursdays.
it wouldn’t be as much fun on a weekend.
BTW
michael
EVERYONE thinks you need a P.M.A
i have to second that Michael’s 20’s party was amazing
and well worth attending on my birthday last summer
as usual, the Hungerford took great shots of guests there
sure they’re still archived on her pandahead blog
but i haven’t heard anything about the upcoming RnR party
May 12, 2008 at 4:04 pmPedro - thanks, I think.
Everyone. I don’t know what a P.M.A. is, I am not hip (see hatred of Shorts for one example).
Shorts needs to stay on Thurs. or else it will fill up with way worse AM Douches and then Michael will really lose his shit.
May 12, 2008 at 4:08 pmKristen… you are one of the hippest and sexiest women in DC, you will be missed.
May 12, 2008 at 4:12 pmpost menopausal androgen
May 12, 2008 at 4:20 pm“doesn’t post anonymously” yes, i like that about michael, too. if you have something to say, don’t be cowardly about it (like the above comment by ‘EVERYONE’).
“Pity the hater, for he shall never know the kingdom of blingdom” hahaha nice..
May 12, 2008 at 4:22 pmurbandictionary.com suggests that PMA = positive mental attitude. better start using exclamation points, Michael!!!!!!!!!
May 12, 2008 at 4:22 pm<3 cale!
May 12, 2008 at 4:28 pmShorts on a weekend would be a tragedy. If someone is at shorts now, you know they fucking mean it.
But this was my last shorts in DC…
Shorts, I hardly knew you. And you rocked me so fucking hard.
The morning after shorts, I was walking to work (v. late, natch) and ran into my roommate. Still in his shorts. Just walking home.
May 12, 2008 at 4:39 pmRe: Shorts on a weekend would be a tragedy. If someone is at shorts now, you know they fucking mean it.
Good point, I change my mind.
May 12, 2008 at 5:15 pmShorts party, the morning after… I was spotted by my attorney in borrowed too-tight jeans with a big hole in the crotch waiting for the S2 bus, awkward!
May 12, 2008 at 7:55 pmoutstanding gimmick .. I mean … party :)
and Dakota killed on sight.
big up to titty nibblins.
could’ve done without the naked cowboy/devandra b mash-up dancing on the bar though. but that’s just me.
naked cowboy/devandra b mash-up looks a bit like a young kelsey grammar.
May 12, 2008 at 9:50 pmyeah on the topic of gimmicks…
isn’t a 20’s theme a gimmick Flapper Mc’Flappy Gums?
i’m just saying…
dear dakota,
i hope my nipples haven’t scarred you for the remainder of your adolescence and into your adult life. kristen, you are totes my hero.
xo
i love it bc dakota is legit 4 years older than me
May 13, 2008 at 12:09 amoh man, first off, shorts is the greatest party known to man, as evidenced by this post and its overwhelming response
oh man number 2, i heart kristen and will miss her dearly… oh whatever will i do without my muse???
oh man number 3, dear elizabeth, plz bring your nipples (and kristen) to every party i go to EVAR
oh man number 4… flapper mcflappy gums, hahahahaha, let your work speak for itself (all your noise is entertaining, seriously… but we’re not laughing with you). i know you’re not looking for respect (i mean why would you be, right??? you think we’re all whack), but have some self-respect man, jeeeezus (especially if you’re trying to throw parties in DC doooood!!! not savvy…)
May 13, 2008 at 12:42 amand thats why there is amazing pics at shorts and not other said “parties”..
*snap*
*snap*
roise perez neck…. you preach dakota
i’ve now seen the light, and will just have to drag my ass into the city on another thursday night.
May 13, 2008 at 8:13 amKristen, I knew someone would bring this up, and no, it isn’t. Shorts is just shorts. Wear shorts, listen to the same crappy music played elsewhere. The 20’s theme party was an entire theme - the music, the era-specific cocktails and music, the era-specific cartoons, etc. That’s the difference in a theme party, and a party where the only requirement is you have to put on a pair of shorts. Big whoop.
Also, this website is full of photos from every party in the District so I’m not sure what you’re talking about?
As far as my upcoming party weekend, there will be a few hundred people from all over the country, as there has been for the past four years. Just sayin’
Finally - Ryan got it. I don’t have to like it, you don’t have to like that I don’t like it, you don’t have to like what I like and vice versa.
It’s as creative as having a Bandana party where the requirement is to wear a bandana! Wow!
May 13, 2008 at 8:28 amdude, where is this party? im coming.
May 13, 2008 at 9:24 amLIAR!! U DON’T EVEN HAVE A BYT SPEECH BUBBLE
owned FTW fag
—————————
Michael Says:
Ryan - everyone knows who I am. I write for here…
Thanks for the idea Mikey, this is going to be awesome… Let’s make this happen people!
http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l228/geo-gia/danas.jpg
May 13, 2008 at 10:47 amthats all fine and good michael,
but i’ve never heard a promoter be so elitist and pompous to publicly denounce another party…..
you better have free handjobs at your party now…
Kristen - I’m not a promoter. I have a real job.
I like what I like, I don’t like what I don’t like. I comment on both, equally. If I don’t like something and bother to comment on it it’s because generally I feel that the people throwing the party can do better if they just put a bit more effort into it. It’s constructive criticism. I don’t bother to comment on stuff that is so ridiculously retarded that it can’t be helped. So if I comment on something negatively it’s because deep down I know they have more in them (For example BYT NYE party with naked sushi I openly derided, BYT re-Launch seemed pretty awesome (though I was out of town) so I did not.
Besides, if you show up I am sure the handjob tent will be well taken care of (come on, you walked into that one).
May 13, 2008 at 11:18 ammikey!! where is your god damned party??? jeebus…dont ignore. i want to come see the fabulousness
May 13, 2008 at 2:14 pmRyan - hold your horsies. It will be announced.
P.S. I don’t do “fabulous”
May 13, 2008 at 2:36 pmtitty nibblins!
May 13, 2008 at 2:36 pmtitty nibblins, yo.
May 13, 2008 at 2:43 pmWord I was laughing at Titty Nibblins too. Fitsum is one of the great comedians of our time.
We’ve had meetings over what to do with SHORTS long ago and the consensus was that keeping it a simple theme for a monthly party was easy for everyone to have fun and not try too hard.
For a yearly party I can see going with Michael’s approach but we don’t have a whole year I can barely even get the flyer done in time for that week and we still get a ton of devoted shorts fanatics.
May 13, 2008 at 3:14 pmWell it appears my biggest problem with it (namely that if you don’t wear shorts to Asylum you aren’t getting in) is no longer a problem as I see at least two people wearing full on jeans.
May 13, 2008 at 3:28 pmshorts was an amazing party! i can’t believe i’ve missed the last two. i don’t ever wear shorts but i will mos def make exceptions for this particular night. i, too also enjoy the titty nibblins. ha
May 13, 2008 at 7:42 pmMichael
try commenting while logged in to your BYT account.
the speech bubble should show up for you.
Michael is just jealous because he doesn’t look good in SHORTS.
May 14, 2008 at 10:14 amKate, yes I do.
No one looks good in these pictures though. Too many open mouths. Birds can fly in and poop you know.
May 14, 2008 at 11:09 ami like this, especially the shorts bit
May 14, 2008 at 4:38 pmwow. glad everyone likes the party…if you didnt, you would be making fun of yourself.
we wanted to throw a party that centered around something so so meaningless that hating it would be comical.
shorts, a gimmick…please. no one wants to wear shorts. everyone hates shorts…thats why they are banned from every club.
once again, im glad shorts has remained the party where everyone can come and let themselves loose for a bit…no holds barred.
stay tuned for….shorts IIII: “no shoes, no shorts, no service”
May 16, 2008 at 1:26 amShorts IV - that was going to bother me.
May 16, 2008 at 6:55 amno, no, its shorts IIII…that wasn’t a typo
May 16, 2008 at 9:30 am
Sick life.
May 12, 2008 at 12:30 pm