As you may know there are competing These United States and Jukebox the Ghost shows this Saturday (at the RNR Hotel and The Cat respectively). They've played Fort Reno before together and just as we were starting to wonder how they would, so to speak, split up the coffee shop, this arrived courtesy of TUSA:
Dear Jukebox the Ghost,
You are an idiot. It is with great concern for the Common Good that we, THESE UNITED STATES, in order to form a really great union, establish tons of justice, ensure domestic tranquilliations, and – well, you should just find the Pre-amble, if you even can – it’s a part of THAT…that we must have to now meditate upon what we must do to you now because you are such an idiot. We must crush you. It is for the Common Good that we are doing that right now. In the future.
It is the very near future, on SATURDAY, this one right HERE. That is when you play across town from us, in Washington, DC. And also when we are in town (Washington, DC), playing across town from you. Because you are such an idiot and you didn’t realize that playing across town from us was such a bad idea for your health…idiot. We will crush you, probably your actual bodies, but also with some riffs off of our instruments, too.
Let us reiterate that latter point, which is among our most important ones (read previously): you are an idiot. First of all, you on average use less syllables of words than we do when you make your songs. Then after that: You are younger than babies. Also there is the fact that we don’t care how well-crafted your popular songs may be or how much more handsome your fanbase is than ours, which is ugly. These are not things that matter to us. All that matters now to us is Revenge. And getting it. On you. Really Horrible Revenge (RHR) that is really very very bad for you, and for your health itself, Jukebox the Ghost Young Adult People.
We hope you now more fully understand our reasoning for this necessitated altergation (RHR) than you did when we first started writing this letter to you about why we’re doing that. OK? …idiot.
Terribly, horribly, righteously, painstakingly sincerely,
And in a more cool way than you, in addition to that,
Those whom you used to call “friends” in days of yore gone past,
These United States
we've paid it forward to the recipients and are expecting a response any day/second now.
God loves a cheerful giver.
Is this supposed to be a joke or for real?
As a musician who's had to compete for fans on the same night as hyped national acts and the bands of friends, I say "Who cares?" Your main concern is to play shows, not worry about competition. DC is too small to complain about these sorts of things. What's more, this is easily the most convoluted and poorly prepared piece of propaganda I've ever read.
neither of these bands are even in the same ballpark as the evangelicals who are headlining the r n r show.
down with the wussying of DC punk!
We should get Evangelicals to weigh in on this grave matter as well.
best piece of propaganda i've ever read. too bad i don't live in dc.
This isn't even a fair fight. TUS is WAAAY better - now add Evangelicals to the mix and it's going to be a blood bath.
im pretty sure they are being sarcastic... i doubt they give a fuck who is playing where. fuckin tards.
haha this is awesome. i love both of these bands... I'll be heading to Jukebox the Ghost (Say Hi is also playing at that one... they are great)
Wow. It takes a big, powerful brain to call someone an idiot. I guess they may have that going for them, but I doubt their 'hate letters' to opposing bands will be selling them any tickets. If only words were talent...sigh.
It's a joke, dudes. TUS Jesse has a heart of gold.
It's a joke...he used the word idiot six times....c'moooooon.
Can't wait for the reply.
The words poo head may be in the firing pot for that one.
*runs around waving his arms* OOOOH SHIT SON ITS GOIN DOWN NOW
I can't believe anyone took that letter seriously. It was hilarious! I especially like: "you are younger than babies."
Poe's law eliminates any doubt that someone would take it seriously.
As a musician who's played in hyped national acts and has legions of fans, I have to say to "Anonymous": Get real. It's obviously about crushing the competition.
I love that people are taking this seriously. This is obviously a joke ...
Does anyone here have tickets to either show?
does this have anything to do with the grenade at rock creek park?
and the retard award goes to... Leah and Anonymous! *clapping*
@Alan - perfect
This letter is totally true. Jesse was talking tons of trash from the stage in Brooklyn last night.
You're all douchebags. DC music is for pansies. Anyone who reads this blog is douchetastic.
Darlings, what a coincidence!
http://godonnybrook.com/home/?p=1377
omg what if he's right?
MG: you apparently read it, too.
Dear TUS,
The sound you make is muzak to my ears...
What a bunch of jerks...
who is the hottie in the glasses?
who cares about the retard factor (the jtg letter back is better tho)...?
they are all wearing glasses...
ok so who is the hottie in the ripped jeans, standing front and center with a watch on. yeah, has a nice ring to it right
it's better to make friends with bands, while stealing their fans. People listen to more than one band you know... it's not like crushing each other makes any sense. You can't really crush a band anyways. That's a really terrible way to put it, and this letter is obviously thrown together.