Kylie Minogue’s “X” is being officially released in the US today (not that whoever wanted to own it didn’t own it already).
For this, she is frolicking through America making appearances on everything from Letterman to “Dancing with the Stars” and that holy grail of media’s stamp of approval: A BYT Feature.
I know.
I love my fake features more than I love my real ones.
But seriously, I’ve owned Kylie CDs since I was 7 years old and still love her just as much (because true love never dies, and neither does questionable taste), so here is a little trip down a two decade memory lane of our musical BFFness.
This was going to be a playlist but then I realized, much like making a Madonna tribute, the video played such a big role in the miracle that is Kylie, you should really watch these songs as much as listen to them.

Enjoy.
Or wince.

Loco Motion
The year is 1987 and this was our Lambada and Macarena, before Lambada and Macarena came out.
Little Eva is probably tossing in her grave every time this video gets played but it is so bad, it is good. Especially now.

Especially for You
Now, some people may not know this (which is why you have me!) but how Kylie shot to fame was because she was a star in an Australian soap opera called “Neighbours” and her and Jason Donovan were Dylan and Brenda before 90210 was even a twinkle in Aaron Spelling’s eye. Only they sang. Which makes the whole thing even more awesome.
I had a Jason Donovan sticker on my math notebook all through my first grade.
He later on went to star in Andrew Lloyd Webber London production of “Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat” and lose most of that dreamy blonde hair.
Stil….

after ridding herself of the unnecessary duet fame, Kylie busted out with her first mega hit:

I should be so lucky
The video for which involves some seriously chaste bubble bathing, lots of ringlets and scrunchies and those horrible 80s skirts that are tight on top and poof out around the knee.

Kylie goes on to date Micheal Hutchence of INXS, and make a series of really questionable sex kitten videos which I am just going to skip over (does anyone really need to see “Confide in Me” ever again?) but just as a reminder here is her doing her Paula Abdul impersonation in:

Better the Devil You Know

after a disasterous few years Kylie returns to her duet roots and regains some cred with

Where the Wild Roses Grow
the ultimate murder ballad with Nick Cave

and

Kids
with Robbie Williams which is a HUGE hit in Europe and brings her back to her tongue-so-deep-in-cheek-it-may-as-well-be-in-between-teeth dance roots.

which leads to

Your Disco Needs You
Now, I’ve always loved this song, but I had never seen the video for it until I was putting this together tonight and man, does it suck. So embarrassing I am amazed the did not burn all copies and disable all embedding till the end of time.
But, and this is something to definitely love about Kylie, she embraces all her mortifying moments as much as all her glory moments.

thankfully she catches her stride with

Spinning Around
also known as “the song with the video featuring Kylie’s tush in gold lame shorts”.
A comeback was inevitable.

and it came with

Can’t get you out of my Head
which no one could get out of their head.
I hate this song at this point but I still dance to it. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

other amazing singles off of her “FEVER” album include:

Love at First Sight

and

In Your Eyes
which I wrote about before and I said:

Before you overjudge this, listen to it.
It is so good and so slinky and Kylie has so many producers that know EXACTLY what they are doing that this is undeniable.
Plus,

“It’s no suprise
I’ve been watching you lately
I want to make it with you ”

I mean people should really say “i want to make it with you” while shimmying up to people on the dance floor more often.
It will probably get you slapped on the cheek, but it will be worth it.

speaking of slinky, the next album “Body Language” was her downtempo, most sex kitten-ish issue to date (and that saying something) which kicked off with

Slow
and a bevvy of beautiful bodies curving around in perfect synchronized motion somewhere in Rio.
The song, I think, is one of her dullest ones, but this shit is mesmerizing:

things picked up with

Red Blooded Woman
in which she keeps “freaking around” and singing “la la la” to surprisingly unannoying effect

and

Chocolate
which is apparently, the Kylie Minogue “belly dancing” song.

then came health issues, love issues, life issues and this year’s triumphant return with “X”.
I am not to crazy about some of the singles from it but

WOW
has all the makings of a Kylie classic, meaning that it may as well have been made in 1988 or 2008.
The woman is 40 or something like that now and she still looks better in a white spandex suit that anyone I know (and I am looking at you, Britney, in your prime)

Ok.
I am all hopped up on happy for today now.
Go on-make fun.

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