Brightest Young Things

To Whom it May Concern:

2009 was a very good year for the DJ community, for both practitioners and followers alike. We overwhelmingly held the line pon di floor, that we might not die slow, but in fact, make it out alive so long as we fixed our accent. We also learned that any talentless hack can become internationally famous by telling people to just dance. (Though on a somber note, we did lose the Toxic Avenger, who will be missed). Even locally, Nadastrom saved us from being so damn high, (and they might even help us make a milli, WTF?........)

But from the highest of highs to the lowest of photog-blackmailing lows, one thing was certain across the boards: Everyone, all inclusively, was “killing it.” Whether you were hip enough to stencil over the “g” with an apostrophe, or so square that you had to keep it in the box, nearly everyday, you knew someone who was committing a social homicide.

E-scientists everywhere were fighting tooth and nail to keep the internet, and thereby the world as we know it, from imploding, due at unsustainable flood of the letters, “k”, “I”, “L”, “N”, “G”, and “T” that biblically flooded both Twitter and Facebook each and every second. In fact, it was statistically proven* that one out of every three words that came out of a DJ’s mouth in ’09, was “killin’ it.” *

And as the stock in gaudy, passé sunglasses and child molester facial hair skyrocketed, so did the diversity of things that were capable of murder. First, your good DJ friend was “killin it,” then your DJ night was “killin it”, then your mix, which is all well and good. But then, your bad DJ friend began to “kill it”, and this was just the beginning of the burst bubble. Next your tights (which are, might I add, not pants), were “killin it”, then your mix drink, then that funny thing your cat does began to “kill it”, and finally, we knew the death knell had wrung when your grandmother’s pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving was “killing it,” (something grandma-ma would never approve of).

Now, toast is “killing it,” funny ice cubes are “killing it”, and even that serious knitting you did last night “killed it.” In fact, so netherously devoid of meaning has the phrase become, the only thing it notes for certain, is a pulse. Today, when the average person sees the “tweet”, “Yo, last night my boy DJ JazzyDJ was killin’ it at the american apparel club!,” it translates to, “The other evening, a friend of mine was in a room of one to three people.” Hipster-linguistics, as we know them, have been undone by a Goldman Sachs surge of activity, and left 120 BPM with no discernable critique.

The breadth of this epidemic would make even Al Gore throw his hands up in surrender, as he broke down to cry. The world has waited too late; people have taken too long. “Killing it”, is, I’m less than afraid to say, dead. It died sometime ago now, probably right after it was used to describe a shirt with indigenous peoples and wolves on it. But let us use the brief time we have left, between 2010 and 2012, to let go, and move on. We can appreciate the close times we had, (typically, at four AM, writing regrettable text messages, somewhere outside of a jumbo slice), with “killin it”, while she, he, or it, was here. But we need to do the right thing, and acknowledge that, since receptionists have began to note happy hours for their abilities to “kill it,” those words are dead to us. Only in moving on, can we finally find a common peace.

As for what comes next, well, there are no concrete answers for that. Sometimes there are tough questions without a definitive answer. We, who created this genocidal beast, will have to explore new mad decent archeology. Maybe it will come soon, maybe not. Maybe DURKL will release a new phrase with their spring line. Something tasteful, yet tacky, that comes in a neon plaid. But whatever the case, we need to move on, not for our children’s sake, or for our children’s children’s sake, but for the sake of the next time we hear a DJ and need to express our textual airhornes to the anonymous interweb we all connect on.

Join me, won’t you?

Sincerely,
Denman C. Anderson

*Statistics based on facts the author made up
*”Killin it” is actually two words

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
• 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)