The DC Film Society hosts Coming Attractions Trailer Night at E Street Cinema TONIGHT (May 17th!!) @ 7 PM. Tickets are $5 for members and $8 for everyone else. You’ll see the trailers from all the summer blockbusters, hear film critics dissect the trailers, and you get to help the Hollywood marketing machine by voting for your favorite and least favorite trailers. Your ballots will be sent to the big studios! Your opinion will matter! Psych!
Every second of that 2 minute reel demonstrates a studio’s marketing finesse, or lack thereof. Trailers consist of the funniest/scariest/most suspenseful scenes of the movie edited together in order to arouse an audience’s emotions and interest. Basically, these reels represent what studios think you will respond to.
I won’t be able to make it tonight to the Coming Attractions Trailer Night but I thought I’d help out those fat-cat studio execs and provide my responses to a few trailers for Summer Blockbusters.
Films That Are Supposed to be Funny
Step Brothers: Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly aren’t doing it for me here. You know the film is scrapping the bottom of the bowl for laughs when the trailer includes a Stamos joke. Though my tastes often correspond with those of 12-year-old boys, I expect more from these two actors.
Verdict: I’ll watch it on a plane.
The Tropic Thunder: Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. play actors filming a controversial movie about Vietnam. While doing research for the film, they instigate a real war but believe it is just an exercise in method acting. Hilarity ensues. Downey Jr.’s character dyes his skin to play the black platoon leader a la Soul Man.
Verdict: Downey Jr in blackface AND in ‘Nam!!!! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Pineapple Express: Seth Rogen and James Franco are really bad drug dealers. After witnessing a drug-related murder the duo evades the cartel while really high. BOOOO. (Because of my loyalty to Freaks and Geeks, I might watch it when comes to HBO) Instant classic for the douche bag DVD collection.
Verdict: I’ll pass.
Films Based on Comic Books/ TV Shows
The Dark Knight: Christian Bale as Batman and a posthumous performance by Heath Ledger as the Joker.
Verdict: Definitely going to see it, no brainer.
Incredible Hulk: Ed Norton is on the run from the gov who claims he stole military secrets. The secret is an army “bio-force experiment gone haywire” that gave Ed Norton the ability to rip apart cars and swat down helicopters with his bare hands.
Verdict: Not going to make an effort to see it but enjoyed the trailer. Then again maybe if it rains…..
Films for Kids (that appeal to adults)
Kung Fu Panda: I hate Pandas, they are assholes who would be extinct if we didn’t think they were cute. AND that extinction would be their fault because they are too lazy to have sex. I refuse to post the trailer.
Verdict: I actively resist anything to do with this film and pandas.
Wall-E: I do love robots though! Wall-E is an adorable robot sent to clean up Earth after what seems to be a nuclear holocaust. He is all alone until a girl robot arrives!!! Once again Pixar does a fabulous job with the imaging.
Verdict: I’m there, and now, Johnny 5 may have make a little room in my “favorite robot” category for a certain someone.
Other Films
Hancock: Will smith plays a homeless superhero with an attitude. His ability to save people’s lives while drunk raises the bar for functional alcoholics.
Verdict: If you’re going to see the film, and call to see if I want to come along, I might come. Just remind me of how much I love Independence Day.
Indiana Jones: The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Harrison Ford, Shia Leboeuf, and Cate Blanchett!!! Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom induced labor and brought me into this world. Hopefully this film proves just as exciting?!?! Plus John Williams (love him) returns to write the score!
Verdict: It’s the Summer Blockbuster!!! Of course I am going to see it. I haven’t been this pumped for a summer release since Jurassic Park, June of ‘93. (John Williams also scored JP)
Hell I’d almost pay an extra $8 NOT to see trailers before movies, so I couldn’t fathom paying to go watch nothing but trailers.
They’re getting too long, and giving away far too much these days.
Oh, and why are they called trailers anyway? I mean doesn’t that name indicate that they would follow the movie?
May 14, 2008 at 2:17 pmP.S. John Williams is kind of awesome.
May 14, 2008 at 2:18 pmI will only watch teaser trailers - full length trailers give away the entire movie, drives me nuts. Remember the Castaway trailer? They actually showed him getting back to society and that his wife was remarried. WTF?
I rarely actually go to a theater to see a movie (I like my home theater) but I did go see Iron Man and closed my eyes and ears during all the trailers like a crazy person.
May 14, 2008 at 2:27 pmrule of thumb: the longer the actual trailer and the more they give away, the worse the movie is going to be.
live by it.
May 14, 2008 at 2:29 pmSvet - another one: The longer the title, the worse the movie is going to be:
ex: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Love Julie Newmar.
ex: Miss Pissypants (or whatever) lives for a Day.
Why in the fuck wouldn’t they just call it “Wong Foo” or “Julie Newmar” or “Miss Pissypants?”
Every movie with longer than three words in the title is a flop (note: movies that have three original words in the title but have a sub title are not affected: ex: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)
May 14, 2008 at 2:49 pm
libby, you are amusing. i laughed outloud at work while reading this. good thing no one is in my office right now to see how much “work” i’m getting done…. =D
May 14, 2008 at 12:39 pm