Number One With A Bullet: Iron Man

May 6, 2008 by Lord Jason  Send to a Friend

I am not Iron Man. I am more like Iron-Deficient Man, i.e. I bruise easily.

Illustration by Evan Keeling

Hollywood has always leaned a little to the left side of politics. In fact, I believe Beyonce recently recorded a song about this called “Irreplaceable”. I also believe Big & Rich recorded a Republican version of this song featuring the chorus “To the Right, To the Right.” That song, with a nod to W, is called “Irregardlessly”. But that’s really beside the point. The point is: Hollywood is full of pinko commie bastard film-makers who are light in the loafers. If you are unsure about this, plumb the depths of your memory and recall a few films made by a fat disheveled socialist blowhard. If you guessed Orson Welles, you are correct. I believe Citizen Kane was really a comment on class warfare, and how the proletariat needs to rise up against the oppressions the iron-fisted bourgeoisie impose on them, and how even those in power can be corrupted by the very thing they obsessively seek. Either that or it’s about a sad dude who misses his sled. I can’t recall; I was asleep during that film class.

So it’s good to see them not straying away from that norm with the newest adaptation of a comic book franchise, Iron Man. Not that the subtle politics of the film really matter that much. I mean, come on, when there’s a dude in an awesome metal flying suit blowing things up, who really cares about politics or voting?*

*Please remember to vote this November, childrens.

As this is the first installment of a Superhero Franchise Film, Iron Man is the origin story of our superhero. As I never was a comic book guy, I come in with no previous knowledge of the “accurate” details, and can only provide what the film gives me. So all you Fanboys and Fangirls* out there, feel free to correct me on my inaccuracies. Not that I’ll care all that much.

*I realize by the makeup of the sneak preview audience, Fangirls might be stretching it a little bit, but I wanted to include the 3 chicks I did see in the theater.

Tony Stark(Robert Downey, Jr.) AKA Iron Man, is a supergenius whose father owned Stark Industries, the weapons company behind the production of the first atomic bomb. After Stark’s largely absent father passes away, he inherits controlling interest of the company, and is sheparded along the way by Obidiah Stane(Jeff Bridges). Due to Stark’s obscene genius, large ego, and gigantic bank account, he becomes the Hugh Hefner of weapons manufacturers. While his short days are largely occupied with inventing new missile systems, his long nights are consumed with bedding ladies, drinking booze, and largely being the swingingest bachelor this side of Glenn Quagmire. Giggity Giggity, indeed.

His carefree and self-indulgent lifestyle is literally blown apart in the first few minutes of the film, and he is taken hostage by terrorists. I was actually shocked when these terrorists looked like ACTUAL terrorists. Yes, they all were Arabs. This wasn’t your standard Hollywood action copout of having a Rainbow Assortment of multi-ethnic bad guys (see also Die Hard, Next, etc.). Nope, these guys live in the Middle East, and are therefore all middle-eastern. Crazy concept, I know.

During his captivity he is “persuaded” by the bad guys to make one of his newest and most destructive weapons. So he holes up in his cell and makes his first Iron Man suit.

So the question comes, both to the viewer and to Stark, who is the real bad guy? The terrorists who use the weapons, or the company that provides the weapons? Stark decides that it is himself, the manufacturer, and vows to only invent for good now. Although the invention of a device as powerful as the Iron Man suit might seem a little farther away from doing good than say, a new artificial heart, but that’s splitting hairs really. Who wants to see a superhero action movie based on surgery?*

*Genetically Mutated Super-Surgeons. Not a huge niche market, but a niche market nonetheless.

All plot analyzation aside, Iron Man totally rules. It avoids the wince-inducing cheese factor of superhero fare like the Fantastic Four, while straddling the line between the uber-dark Batman series and the ultra cartoonish Spiderman films. It’s a Goldilocks movie, it’s not too depressing, or too buffoonish, just awesome. Jon Favreau, who directed the classic Swingers, teams up with Downey, Jr. and brings a significant level of wit, intelligence, and humor to the dialogue. Someone finally realized that people speaking like they’re in a comic book doesn’t always translate well to film. Add in the excellent supporting cast of Terence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, and the always awesome Jeff Bridges, and you have possibly the best superhero movie ever produced.

Oh, and there ARE a lot of things blowing up. Wouldn’t want to forget that, kids. My reaction: fucking awesome (4.5 out of 5) PS – If you know about comic books, stay until the end of the credits for a huge reveal! If you don’t, don’t worry about it, unless you want to say, “Oh, that guy is gonna be in the sequel.” Next week: Speed Racer, a film that looks like an explosion at the Jolly Rancher factory. Til then, I’m finding out who the REAL man is. Stay vigilant, kids.

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