Brightest Young Things

Or Trekker. Or whatever. Fucking nerds.

Here is my update to a post I did a while back.  If you've already read it, scroll down for the new stuff.

I was always a Star Wars guy, not a Star Trek guy. A Beatles boy, not a Stones sir. I'd seen a couple episodes and movies over the years but didn't really remember much. I had been to my share of comic book conventions, seen Galaxy Quest and other parodies, did the Vulcan salute when I was a kid, owned a copy of the hilarious doc Trekkies, and had a vague familiarity with the characters, but didn't really ever care.

I had heard from a lot of cool people that Next Generation was this shit, but I was always skeptical. I read a lot of astronomy books and these scientists are always referencing Star Trek lovingly for it's reality based sci-fi and future predicting technology, but still, I was skeptical. Then I saw that a new movie was coming out this year on my birthday, it's just called 'Star Trek', and it's a prequel with new actors playing Kirk and Spock. And my hero Simon Pegg as Scotty. I have to admit the trailer looks pretty amazing: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/startrek/

I decided that in order to fully enjoy this movie, and to continue my quest to master all pop culture trivia, I would have to make a concerted effort to become a Trekkie. Oh, and I also wanted to be able to correctly identify Klingon weaponry if I was ever robbed. Here is a document of my progress so far.

Netflix Watch Instantly HD Star Trek Season 1 Remastered (1966)

This is what started it all, well almost. They've gone back and replaced all external shots of the Enterprise and planets with new CGI shots. Now I'm not one of those purists that freaked out about Han shooting first (ok, that was pretty asinine) or walkie talkies instead of guns in ET (actually, that was terrible too, maybe I am a purist) but the problem here is three fold. First, the CGI is just bad. Looks like 1998 quality. Second, part of the charm to begin with is the low budget and cheesy special effects. Third, certain effects, like creature costumes and set designs and phaser blasts, are still original, which causes a sharp contrast with the new glistening stuff.

I'm 16 episodes in. Basically it goes like this - the crew of the enterprise discover some mysterious planet or entity, trouble brews, Captain Kirk delivers a dramatic speech and gets his shirt torn in a fight and saves the day.

The outfits are pretty great. The story lines are pretty clever. The acting is pretty atrocious. The pacing is a little slow. And most importantly, the chicks are smokin'. What's up Lieutenant Commander Uhura? You go girl!

It's entertaining to see what people in 1966 thought the future would be like.

Overall though, I'm a little underwhelmed. Not sure if I can make it through all 79 episodes. 3 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Man this movie was tedious. I fell asleep through the first pass. Finished it up later. It did have some gorgeous psychedelic 1979 special effects. The story was pretty interesting even if the ending was a bit cringe inducing. I had no idea there was such a huge gap between the original series and the first movie. Were there Trekkies before the movie or did the movies really solidify the culture. Did people even remember Star Trek in 1979? It's impressive that they got all the same cast. Even when the acting is bad, the interactions between the core crew feel genuine. I think that is one of the reasons the series is so beloved. Overall I enjoyed it, but wouldn't really recommend it. 3 out of 5 stars.

Start Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

I have yet to see the original episode where this story originates from, but no matter, it's still pretty easy to follow along. The aging of the characters becomes part of the story now. The plot was engaging and the action exciting. This film was a marked improvement over the last one and the TV series. It's pretty awesome actually. 4 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)

Christopher Lloyd was a poor choice for a villain. I just couldn't stop thinking about gigawatts. The budget seemed to have taken a hit on this one too, cause the effects are just atrocious. It definitely was the darkest and most emotional moment in the franchise I've witnessed thus far. Perhaps under the hand of a more experienced director (Spock himself was behind this one) it could have equalled the last one. Still, it wasn't bad. 3 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

Ok, I definitely saw this one in the theater with my dad. But I really couldn't remember any of it. The plot runs at ludicrous speed and doesn't make a bit of sense, but time warping the cast back to the 80's ends up being a stroke of genius. I'm finally feeling some serious love for this group, there are truly hilarious moments between them. Definitely silly, but it was a nice change of pace after III. Probably the most accessible to date. 4 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)

WTF. No, seriously, WTF?
Hands down the worst Star Trek film that I've seen. In fact, it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life. Please don't ever let William Shatner sit in a director's chair again. I don't even want to talk about.  I hate Star Trek now. 1 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)

This one I also remember seeing on TV at some point. It came on and I thought "man, this Star Trek stuff is for nerds. I'm so much cooler than this." I then went back to organizing my AD&D Dark Sun adventure modules but kept it on in the background. Klingons get shot in zero G and their blood comes out as little CGI bubbles. In 1991 that shit was tight. I put down my AD&D Psionics Handbook and stuck it out and loved it. Now 15 years later I revisited and it holds up. I mean you'd think the last Star Trek with the original crew following the dreadful part V would be a total disaster, but it may be the best in the series. Perfect balance of everything good about Star Trek. 4 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek The Next Generation: Pilot Episode (1987)

Oh man, I could barely make it through this 2 hour monstrosity. Does it really get better? Cause this was atrocious. Everyone was unlikeable and unattractive.  I so wished for Kirk to show up, rip his shirt, and just pummel the space crap out of everybody.  In like the first 10 min some wacky villain morphs into a Spanish conquistador or something.  Everything about it was awkward.  Oh, and all the chairs on the bridge were all reclined and loungy.   What the hell was going on there?  If you liked this premier you're a loser. It's that simple. You're a loser and you deserved to get beat up in high school. Ok, I guess the cameo of McCoy was entertaining, but everything else about this was cringe-inducing. There were a couple more episodes on the DVD but I sent that shit back same day. 1 out of 5 stars.

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Even though I still don't consider myself a true Trekkie, I have enjoyed this ride, especially retroactively getting all the Star Trek references that went over my head in South Park, Spaced, Simpsons, etc. I bought my tickets in advance for the new Star Trek and will be seeing it Sunday. I think it will overcome the curse of the odd numbered Star Treks. I'm psyched.  Like really psyched.  Ok, maybe I am a Trekkie.