Judah Ben-Hur is Still Clutching His Gun in His Cold, Dead Fingers

April 7, 2008 by Michael  Send to a Friend

Guess what? I’ve never seen The Omega Man, though I hear it’s kind of like I Am Legend, which I have seen. I have seen Soylent Green, and the Planet of the Apes, and, aw, hell, here’s an entire list of Heston movies I’ve seen:

The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur, The Big Country, El Cid, 55 Days at Peking, Major Dundee, the Agony and the Ecstasy, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Khartoum, The Call of the Wild, Airport 1975, Midway…

and I think that’s it. I could have seen others. Maybe you’re thinking I’m a huge fan of Mr. Heston. Maybe you’re thinking I volunteered to write this retrospective (I didn’t), but I so disappointed with failing to write about the Frogs (which, truly, was going to be nothing but about this summer I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle in Florida at their new house (which was a development on a swamp, natch), and me, my brother and about 3 other bored kids would go out every night after the sun set and grab any of the hundreds of toads that came out to eat mosquitoes and see how high we could throw them in the air because when they hit the pavement then their tongues would explode out of their mouths, so my Atonement was going to be writing about the frog exhibit and would have been better than that piece of shit novel hoisted upon us a few years ago by the same name) that when Svetlana e-mailed me and said I had to write about Charlton Heston’s passing I said I was on it.

And I am.

But I’m not a huge fan of Mr. Heston, the actor, as an actor, by which I mean I don’t think he deserved his Oscar (though I don’t really know who he was up against that year, and am too lazy to wikipedia it, so maybe he did deserve it). Oh sure he was a better actor than most people (and trust me, acting is hard, especially considering most people sound like robots even when they read aloud) but it was his stiff forced delivery that always made me think he was just awkward. But maybe he was an awkward person. I don’t know, really.

Another thing is I don’t really know anything about him. I bet you don’t either.
Did you know he marched with MLK on Washington?
I didn’t.
What about his last name being that of the man his mother remarried?
Yep. He was born a Carter.
Did you know he served (volunteered, actually) to serve during WWII?
I didn’t.
But he did (of course many, many people did, except for that pansy Marion Wayne (John Wayne to most of you), who came up with every excuse in the book NOT to serve). He also began his career as a Shakespearian actor on Broadway.

And then there’s his politics. He started out as a very liberal, pro-civil rights (and at one point supported the Gun Control Act of 1968) anti-establishment activist (he picketed a theater in Oklahoma for their segregationalist policy) and ended up being ridiculed for being the President of the NRA. It would take way too long to go into his reasons why (and I don’t know them, actually), but I can speculate why he switched: The Dems went from a party of action to a party of MFAs and “ideas” that had little to no practical hands-on knowledge. I still cringe when some idiot reporter says “semi-automatic” as though that means anything other than what it does: when you pull the trigger only one bullet comes out, then you have to pull it again to make another one come out.) I close my ears when someone says “assault rifle” because that can mean as little as exchanging the stock of the gun with a different one). They became soft, impractical, hugging every single feel-good policy that anyone spouted out (and really, what about the children? Because they’re getting worse, not better). And hell, no one can convince me that Obama isn’t where he is today for any reason other than he’s a really well-spoken black man (which is racist). So I can see why Heston got frustrated and went from supporting and marching with MLK to resigning from the Actors Equity because they refused to allow a white actor to play a Eurasian role in “Miss Saigon” which, as he said, and which I agree with was “obscenely racist.”

Heston, it seems, was truly for equality, but equality for all, and not at the detriment of any. He was as much pro-black equality as he was pro-white equality, summing it up by deploring the culture war being waged against:

“…the God fearing, law-abiding, Caucasian, middle- class Protestant-or even worse, evangelical Christian, Midwestern or Southern- or even worse, rural, apparently straight-or even worse, admitted heterosexuals, gun-owning-or even worse, NRA-card-carrying, average working stiff-or even worse, male working stiff-because, not only don’t you count, you are a down-right obstacle to social progress. Your voice deserves a lower decibel level, your opinion is less enlightened, your media access is insignificant, and frankly, mister, you need to wake up, wise up, and learn a little something from your new-America and until you do, would you mind shutting up?”

His reasons are pretty much the same as mine for leaving the Democratic Party (although I won’t join the ranks of Republicans as he did, nor will I, despite having a healthy respect for the 2d Amendment, join the NRA): They’re maddeningly frustrating little hands-on knowledge feel-good appease everyone knuckleheads. One last anecdote then I’ll get off politics: In Cincinnati two weekends ago with friends a very liberal pro-labor attorney friend of mine summed up the Democrats by highlighting their refusal to say anything about George W. Bush’s appointment of more Hispanics to Federal Judgeships than any other President (many times over Bill Clinton’s appointments) in history. “But, but, but” he said they claim. “But nothing, you don’t acknowledge it because they’re Republicans, proving you don’t really give a fuck about advancing minorities unless they’re Democrats.” Good point.

Ok, fuck, enough. I just had to get it off my chest though - I can see why the guy changed his politics almost completely. A party of great action in the 60’s, they’re a party of no action today.

But you know, as much as I don’t know about Heston, and as much as I don’t think he was a great actor, I really really like the movies he acted IN. He made man movies and I like man movies. I like guns and shooting and glinty eyes and squints and hard characters that do shit their way because they just know it’s right (rather than asking everyone and their mother about any future decisions). I like how they struggle with the possibility of doing something wrong but do it anyway with full knowledge they’ll accept the consequences of their actions, and not pussthefuckout.

And Ben Hur is my favorite. Just this past Thursday in a meeting my boss and I were joking about “Ramming Speed!” (We had a contractor who used to talk about “battle rhythm” and we used to mockingly pound our fists on the table whenever he used the phrase.) Growing up in the 80’s in a really religious household you just didn’t miss the yearly Easter “Ben-Hur” when it came on television. Missing ‘The Ten Commandments’ was a sin, missing “Ben Hur” would land you right smack in the middle of Hell, holding fiery hands with old Scratch himself. Judah Ben-Hur is a man full of struggles and introspection who isn’t afraid of taking action, much like Mr. Heston, and, with 11 Academy Awards, and including the best chariot scene and best galley-slave scene ever filmed, it’s not a film to dismiss easily despite its clear religious indoctrination overtones.

I can’t say I’ll “miss” him, because it’s not like he was in the midst of a brilliant acting career. He had already resigned (in 2003) from the Presidency of the NRA (not that I was a member), and, really, I hadn’t heard anything about him in years. Ben-Hur, to my knowledge, has long since stopped appearing on network television around Easter, and I never really was a fan of his sci-fi stuff (I can tolerate Planet of the Apes every few years or so). But a part of me is a bit sad at the way he went out. He did what he thought was right by Presiding over the NRA and he was mocked mercilessly for it (but, being true to being a man, he didn’t whine about it, nor really give a shit that I could tell. I kind of hope he struggled with his decision, much like the characters he played) and then he finally underwent a series of illnesses, developed something like Alzheimer’s, and passed away quietly over the weekend at home…

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