I will admit to being pretty jazzed to see this movie.
The preview looked appropriately sinister, Hugh Jackman is hot, there seemed to be a fair amount of the kind of casual sex they don’t really put into movies anymore (STDs and all) and I was in the mood for a good thriller.
You know how they used to make those ridiculously perverse movies in the early 90s (”Jagged Edge”, “Basic Instinct”, “The Suspect”…always the most obviuos title) which always starred Michael Douglas or Jeff Bridges or CHER! and which always involved good, bad, pvi and people making bad decisions because their p(enis) or v(agina) was making them for them, instead of their brain?
They really don’t spend money on that stuff in Hollywood anymore.
Well, this seemed like it would fit the bill.
Obvious title-check (actually ALREADY used in a Liam Neeson/Andy McDowell early 90s vehicle)
Marquee names-check (fucking Charlotte Rampling, still beautiful almost 40 years after “Night Porter” gets fucked by Ewan McGregor who I still don’t quite fully grasp the appeal of, but hey!)
Perverse premise-check (invite only sex club, featuring only the busy and the powerful, 20 dollar scams, Michelle Williams in 5 inch heels, apartments where door knobs cost more than your whole house etc etc…)
Twisting and turning-check
and
Complete suspension of disbelief-check
However, somewhere along the laced, pervy way (Hugh Jackman takes nerdy accountant Ewan Mcgregor under his wing, “leaves” for London, accidentally phones get switched, all of a sudden nerdy accountant Ewan Mcgregor is a stud in a “no strings attached” sex club which features Natasha Henstridge (from Species! and Species 2!), Charlotte Rampling, a whole bunch of hot Asians in backless slips and Eastern Europeans in leather skirts, and Michelle Williams, all dewy skinned and doe eyed and sort of Hitchcock blonde (but with dark roots showing-hint hint) and nothing is what it seems) THEY GET LOST.
SERIOUSLY LOST.
I was really into going for the ride, but somewhere along the negotiating lines they lost me (plus, they kind of overgroomed Hugh, who is supposed to be all windswept and manly, right? But instead has waxed eyebrows and apparent concealer under his eyes and other fuddy duddy non manly things about him) and hell, they lost the rest of the audience too.
When Ewan (spoiler alert!) offers (A pretty high) amount of millions of dollars to Hugh to see Michelle Williams again (it is the woman who is always EVERYONE’S undoing!) someone actually yelled:
WHAT.THE.FUCK!!!!
in front of me in the theater.
And that essentially sums up this movie.
It teases.
It promises.
It never really goes all the way (while going waaaaaaaaay across the way simultaneously)
and in the end you just throw your hands up in the air and say:
WHAT.THE.FUCK
wait for the DVD.
or even better rent this or this instead
i mean, I could go on:
body of evidence
sea of love
blue steel
jennifer eight
presumed innocent
the list is forever long!
May 1, 2008 at 12:09 pmBeing a stud in the D.C. underground Russian-hottie-populate sex scene I may still see it despite the reviewers warning.
May 1, 2008 at 2:44 pmI dunno, Svetlana. I kind of want to see it now and I’d never heard of it before.
May 1, 2008 at 11:51 pm
What, no nod to “Jade” or “Sliver” when mentioning the rash of pervy thrillers that sprouted in the one-long-morning-after that was the early 90’s? It was these movies along with Madonna’s role in “Dick Tracey” that convinced me that adults only sporadically and then very grudgingly wear underwear.
May 1, 2008 at 12:02 pm