Brightest Young Things

End-of-year lists are fucking hard. Sure, they're fun to read, but they're agonizing to compose (for me, anyway). It follows that an end-of-decade list is even more intimidating. I could see myself spending hours, hours I say, comparing the merit of No Country for Old Men to There Will be Blood, or Closer to The Shape of Things. Frankly, I'm not willing to undergo such a painful endeavor. Rather than actually rank  the best of decade, I'm going to embrace the arbitrary nature of such an exercise. In chronological order, here are my top movie superlatives of the past ten years.

Note: Release dates may not be precise, as they vary internationally.

2000: Best movie that inspired a book report: American Psycho

I still remember seeing American Psycho in my hometown's cineplex. Back then I was not movie nerd you've come to know and love, but a kid who was easily amused by startling bloodshed. When my English teacher asked the class to report on an American novel, I jumped at the opportunity to dissect Bret Easton Ellis' controversial bestseller. I'm fairly certain my teacher wasn't aware of the book's content. Even if I only received a B+ on the report, American Psycho remains my favorite critique of male vanity (Lord knows there's many). And no matter what profanity-laden tirade Christian Bale unleashes, I'll always want him to feed a stray cat to an ATM.

2001: Best former Mouseketeer whose ferocious performance may have inadvertently inspired antisemitism: Ryan Gosling in The Believer

Far more than a hilarious tumblr meme, Ryan Gosling is a scarily intense young actor. His character, Daniel Balint, shares nothing in common with the handsome hunk of The Notebook. Balint is an articulate antisemite who catches the eye of a journalist and a cabal of Neo-Nazis. The big secret is Balint is also Jewish, and his antisemitism is the product of deep self-loathing. Director Henry Bean examines his subject with unblinking clarity, and even some sympathy. The end result is a character study more searing than Edward Norton's American History X. The Believer is a must-see for those who can stomach bitter hate speech. Trust me, you won't find any dialogue beginning with "Hey Girl."

2002: Best drama that alienated fans of both science fiction and romance: Solaris

Steven Soderbergh, someone to whom I bear an uncanny resemblance, is a prolific director, churning out at least one movie a year. His work varies from the mainstream (the Ocean's series) to the experimental (Bubble, The Girlfriend Experience). Among his features of the past decade, his 2002 update of Tarkovsky's 1972 classic is my favorite. Chris Kelvin (George Clooney) visits a space station where a bizarre phenomenon occurs. An alien force reads the mind of the space station inhabitants, and causes dead loved ones to materialize in the flesh. With Kelvin's dead wife wandering the staiton, Kelvin must grapple with emotions and logic (as must the audience). Soderbergh handles his material with the confidence of a master, and culminates his movie with a haunting conclusion.

2003: Best white-knuckle hell ride I never intend to watch again: Touching the Void

Easily the most horrifying film of the decade,Kevin Macdonald's documentary is an incredible tale of survival. Along with friend Simon Yates, mountain climber Joe Simpson climbed a dangerous slope in the Andes. Their trip did not go according to plan. Simpson suffered a severe injury (his tibia shatters his kneecap), and is later left for dead after falling into a crevasse. I wouldn't believe Simpson survived such an ordeal if Macdonald didn't film an engrossing interview with him. I still remember watching this movie with friends. No one spoke afterward - all were visibly shaken, as if they have just underwent a similar experience. The Saw movies focus on the viscera and function as mere torture porn. Touching the Void, on the other hand, evokes blind terror and desperation in a way I haven't experienced since.

2004: Suck it, nerds! Best superhero movie of the decade: The Incredibles

From X-Men to Watchmen, superhero movies ruled the box office this past decade. They certainly varied in quality - many consider Spider-Man 3 an abomination, whereas The Dark Knight transcends the genre to become a masterpiece. In terms of sheer entertainment value, I say The Incredibles has them all beat. The exploits of Mr. Incredible (Craig T. Nelson) and his family are well known to anyone who, like me, celebrates the entire Pixar catalog (we'll just pretend Cars never happened). What separates The Incredibles from other Pixar endeavors is a clever subversion of genre conventions, coupled with truly kick-ass action. It's a delight to watch the Incredible family use their powers as a team, particularly when the fight reaches an urban setting. Besides, who is so stone-hearted that they can resist Samuel L. Jackson whining, "WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT?"

2005: Most appealing sports movie featuring gunfire, silly costumes, and an existential crisis: Game 6*

Don DeLillo penned this quirky, way-too-overlooked comedy. Nicky (Michael Keaton) has a play opening on the same night as game 6 of the 1986 World Series. A lifelong Red Sox fan, he skips opening night to watch the game. Attending the play is Steven Schwimmer (Robert Downey Jr.), a loathed theater critic who goes to extreme lengths to protect himself from angry playwrights. The pleasure of the movie is its rich dialog. A regularly repeated line is “The Redsox are always winning until they lose.” Keaton and Downey, Jr. are smart actors, and probably relished the chance to speak dialog composed by someone who knows how to write a decent sentence. The movie has an easy-going pace, but gives you time to appreciate the absurd situations. Sure, the bizarre mystique of the Red Sox’s losing streak is gone, but Game 6 brings more awesome than Bill Buckner did.

* This write-up is essentially a repeat of my first BYT column - my feelings towards Game 6 haven't changed.

2006: Best movie that will get in me trouble for including it in this list: Mission: Impossible III

At the BYT holiday party, I had a brief conversation with Cale that made me feel vindicated for including Tom Cruise's latest spy movie on this list. The Mission: Impossible series is essentially a blank canvas for directors to impose their unique sensibilities. In the first, Brian De Palma opted for Hitchockian double-crosses, whereas John Woo had an abundance of slow motion doves. With J.J. Abrams in the director's chair, the third entry is a triumph of pacing and ruthlessly efficient set pieces. Watch the movie again to appreciate how relentlessly Abrams drove the action forward. For example, it takes less than a minute for superspy Ethan Hunt (Cruise) to land with arms dealer Owen Davian (Philip Seymour Hoffman) before the brutal assault on the Chesapeake Bay bridge begins. The latter half of the decade saw its share of memorable villains, and Hoffman's Davian is an underrated entry. His matter-of-fact brutality is chilling, a nice counterbalance to over-the-top Bond villains. Abrams would later use his talents to reboot Star Trek, yet this thriller remains my rainy-day favorite.

2007: Most deserved Academy Award: Marion Cotillard in La Vie En Rose

Every year I always have an informal Oscar betting pool*. It's become habit at this point, and after a series of disappointments, I was certain Marion Cotiallard would lose Best Actress to Ellen Page (hindsight is 20-20). My buddy Robin (correctly) insisted the Academy would recognize Cotiallard's total transformation into Edith Piaf, both in terms of physicality and the harrowing lows she underwent. Boy, I was glad to be wrong - it's always nice to see phenomenal performances recognized, particularly those that'll define a careeer. If you haven't seen Olivier Dahan's superlative biopic, do yourself a favor and check it out. You'll have plenty of time over the holidays, and the dead boxer sequence alone justifies the 140 minute running time.

* Don't worry, Dear Readers, I again intend to booze my way through the Academy Award liveblog next year.

2008: Best indie rock star in an ensemble drama: Tunde Adebimpe in Rachel Getting Married

Like the best home movie you'll never have, I get more sentimental about Jonathan Demme's Rachel Getting Married the more I think about it. It has the appearance of a sloppy mess, yet the guy who brought us The Silence of the Lambs imbues his movie with flawed three-dimensional characters, and an uncanny sense of place. I had no doubt female leads Anne Hathaway and Rosemarie DeWitt would do a fantastic job; instead I was pleasantly surprised by TV on the Radio's Adebimpe, the lucky guy who marries the titular Rachel. His wedding vow is sneakily moving - I mean, it nearly killed Svetlana.

2009: Best thriller everyone reading this column should add to the top of their Netflix queue right fucking now: Julia

In the year's riskiest drama, Tilda Swinton plays an unlikeable alcoholic who desperately kidnaps an obnoxious child. Here's a link to my August review. This one is a must-see.

No, seriously, Best movie of the decade: The Quiet American

Adapted from a Graham Greene novel, Phillip Noyce's The Quiet American is a victim of circumstance. It was slated for release in the autumn of 2001, but with the 9/11 attacks fresh in everyone's mind, no one was in a mood for a movie about the CIA's involvement with the Vietnam War. Instead the movie had a quiet release mere months before the invasion of Iraq, and the timing is eerie instead of unfortunate. Set in the mid 1950s, Brendan Fraser plays Pyle, an American in Saigon who aims to feed the flames of war. He becomes friends with Fowler (Michael Caine), an English reporter who frets over his inevitable decay. Both Fowler and Pyle find their answer in Phuong (Do Thi Hai Yen), a Vietnamese girl who captures their respective affection.

What's fascinating about this story is how political motivation gives way to a personal vendetta. In the end, The Quiet American combines a love triangle with a political thriller for an truly chilling effect. Caine is still a reliable actor, but not since The Quiet American has be given a chance to play character who combines sophistication, vulnerability, and ferocity. Caine simply embodies the character effortlessly. Whereas experience defines Fowler, Pyle's open face hides the terrifying potential of a True Believer, one who'll stop at nothing to achieve his goal. Nation-building helped define the aughts, and in an entirely unexpected way, Pyle symbolizes the misplaced confidence of American foreign policy. The movie succeeds as a thriller, but has hidden layers that'll only be revealed through careful thought or spirited discussion.

Whew, so that's the decade in movies. Check out the part two of the series in 2019. Meanwhile, tell me what I missed!