Svetlana and I are pretty obsessed with Netflix. I take the slightly more OCD route though by rating all my movies (between 1 and 5 stars) and rearranging my queue on an hourly basis. I will often berate her for giving odd ratings: “5 stars out of 5 for The Descent? Really?” She doesn’t give a shit. I also send a lot of “notes” to friends, a Netflix feature that allows you to suggest movies to your friends via an up to 200 character mini review. Svetlana wishes I would channel all my Netflix energy into BYT. So at her request every once in a while I’ll post some of my mini-reviews from the past 4+ years, a dozen or so at a time. Feel free to give me shit like I give her shit:
Project X
I had not seen this movie since 1987 – worth revisiting!
4 Stars
Dream with the Fishes
Kind of like The Bucket List, but with acid and prostitutes.
4 Stars
Children Underground
An intimate look into the homeless children epidemic in Romania. Will crushes your soul into a hopeless pile of depression.
4 Stars
CJ7
Another endlessly entertaining, inventive, and really stupid Stephen Chow film. This time with the cutest little CGI alien ever. Chinese people are so weird. Def worth watching.
4 Stars
You Can Count on Me
cale likey
5 Stars
An Inconvenient Truth
“In 39 years, I have never written these words in a movie review, but here they are: You owe it to yourself to see this film.” -Roger Ebert
4 Stars
Across the Universe
boo
2 Stars
Akeelah and the Bee
predictable and cliche, but good natured and heart warming
3 Stars
MythBusters: Collection 1
Geek/skeptic heaven
5 Stars
The Toxic Avenger
There is a scene with a woman masturbating to Polaroids of mutilated children and another scene where a golden retriever gets shot for no reason. It’s not good at all, but you sorta have to watch it
3 Stars
Robot Chicken Star Wars
Although the regular series is pretty mediocre, this double sized ep is brilliant. Endorsed by/featuring Lucas himself + Seth McFarlane of Family Guy who went on to do his own version. For nerds only.
4 Stars
Shoot ‘Em Up
Horrible.
1 Star
Wanna be my Netflix friend? Click here:
http://www.netflix.com/BeMyFriend/PmzrQcDhoaLYHM0oKBu0
Wanna read Part 1? Click here:
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/movies/1-second-movie-reviews/
Wanna read Part 2? Click here:
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/movies/1-second-movie-reviews-part-2/
Wanna read my thing on the Roku? Click here:
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/movies/netflix-hd/
Shoot ‘Em Up = horrible? Really? Did you not see the scene where he annihilates like 15 dudes while banging Monica Bellucci? Case closed my friend.
February 12, 2009 at 1:46 pmI endured the entire film, although my girlfriend ducked out half way through. The idea was solid – an over the top parody of stupid macho action movies, yet it wasn’t nearly as clever as it needed to be. Imagine someone actually taltened/funny getting involved? The action scenes just ended up looking stupid, not hilariously entertaining. Die Hard 4 and Terminator 3 both did waaaay better jobs at this, Shoot Em Up just came off as trying too hard and boring.
February 12, 2009 at 1:53 pmMovies I’ve watched via Netflix on Instant (not rentals) since 12/13/2009
The Hunter: SMcQ = Awesome
Pale Rider: Clint Eastwood = Awesome
A Perfect World: Kevin Costner = Awesome
The Front Line: African Immigrant in Ireland Kicks Fucking Ass = Awesome
Sarah Silverman Jesus is Magic: Sarah Silverman = moanstick quivers at mere thought = Awesome
America’s Funniest Comics Vol 3 = Funny = Awesome
Raw: Eddie Murphy = Awesome
America’s Funniest Comics Vol 2 = See Vol 3 Rating (Awesome)
The Natural: Robert Redfords/Baseball = Awesome (book’s good too)
Pan’s Labyrinth: Made me cry = Awesome
Across 110th St: Dated and old but kind of good for what it was plus it has that song.
The Corndog Man: eh, it was ok.
The Postman: Kevin Costner + Post Apocalyptic World = Awesome
Dumpster Baby: Wasn’t in the mood, DNF.
Gamers: Realization you aren’t really as nerdy as some = Awesome
Mar’s Attacks: Need not even review. Awesome.
The Hurricane: Awesome
8 Seconds: (will let Alexandra review)
Point Blank: Lee Marvin usually = Awesome but DNF.
Walking with Dinosaurs: Not a fan of CGI = Not that interesting.
We Own the Night: Cop Thriller = Awesome.
District B13: In French but kicks Ass = Awesome.
Vantage Point: Soft Spot for that lazy eyed actor dude = Semi-Good.
The Grocer’s Son: DNF
The General: Irish True to Life Robin Hood Story: Ok. Not Awesome
Man on Wire: Let’s not go through THAT again.
Confessions of a Superhero: Kind of OK. FFwd through parts. Decent.
Love Lies Bleeding: Xtian Slater as psycho cop. Decent plus not typical Hwood ending = Decently Awesome.
Next: Nick Cage = The Suck.
Brooklyn Rules: Mobsters = Awesome.
Untraceable: Cyber-thriller with gross shit = Awesome.
7 Wonders of the Industrial World (Great Ship) = Awesome.
7 Wonders of the Industrial World (Sewer King) = Awesome.
The Beat That My Heart Skipped: failed Pianist = Awesome.
Southern Comfort: Cajuns kick Nat. Guard Ass = Awesome.
Severance: FUCKING AMAZING.
Resurrecting the Champ: Sam. Motherfuckingsnakes Jackson turns out great performance.= Very Good.
Full Metal Jacket – DUH.
Corpse Bride: Fell asleep (granted it was about 5 am). DNF.
Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price: Doesn’t matter, people still want cheap shit. Good though.
Kat Williams the Pimp Chronicles 1: Awesome.
Kat Williams: American Hustle the Movie: Awesome.
An Evening with Kevin Smith: Fail.
First Sunday: Even kat Williams couldn’t save it. DNF.
True Crime: Clint Eastwood kind of fails.
The Devil’s Own: Decently Awesome.
True Believer: eh.
The War Zone: Bad sound quality. DNF.
hero Wanted: Pretty good.
Boiler Room: I was bored.
The Power of One: Skip it. Read the book instead.
In the Company of Men: See no.1 w/a Bullet guy’s column.
Domino: Fuck you, she’s hot.
A Very Long Engagement: Awesome.
Conspiracy: Started, turned off immediately.
Seven: Uh, Awesome.
Midnight Run: DiNero = Fail.
Tango and Cash: I was in a rut. This sucked.
p2: Super fucking creepy Awesome.
City of Men: Fucking Netflix DUBBED IT IN ENGLISH. Turned it off.
Them: Hella good horror flick.
The King of Kong: Fucking Awesome.
A Few Days in September: Drunk, fell asleep, must revisit. DNF.
Spider Baby: See above.
The Green Mile: Tear.
The 13th Warrior: Started, realized I hate Bandaidass. DNF.
Any Given Sunday: Eh, ok. I mean it was ok.
Cool Hand Luke: Why do you think I had “Just a Closer Walk With Thee” stuck in my head. Awesome.
uh, 2008. And removes that fucking apostrophe.
February 12, 2009 at 2:02 pmCale, you really need to include me on the 1-second reviews. Oh, and you’re totally wrong about Shoot Em Up as well as Across the Universe.
Michael, We Own the Night has maybe the worst last line I’ve ever encountered in a movie. The War Zone is worth renting – quality drama.
Here are mine from the past couple weeks:
The Foot Fist Way – Napoleon Dynamite, but with f-bombs. 3 stars.
The Animation Show – Hertzfeldt is awesome, everything else is meh. 2 stars.
State of Play – Good, but too many side plots. Wait for the Russell Crowe movie. 4 stars.
2LDK – 2 crazy Japanese girls try to kill each other. Not over the top enough. 2 stars.
American Teen – Too much like True Life on MTV. 3 stars.
Water Lillies – Who knew French preteen lesbian drama would be so compelling? 4 stars.
The Deal – Peter Morgan is a one trick pony. Gordon Brown is a weirdo. 3 stars.
Wait Until Dark – Alan Arkin makes for a good sociopath. Why didn’t Audrey Hepburn just lock the fucking door? 3 stars.
Brute Force – Hard-boiled prison drama with a badass ending. Burt Lancaster rocks. 4 stars.
February 12, 2009 at 2:13 pmI love this column even though I rarely have time to watch movies. Perhaps the most perplexing line of all-time on this site from my bald brother Alan though:
“Who knew French preteen lesbian drama would be so compelling?”
Thats like “who knew this pretzel dog would be so delicious?”
C’mon.
February 12, 2009 at 3:27 pm@Alan – just be my Netflix friend if you aren’t already, I always send them to everyone (except sometimes my mom)
And no, I’m not. Across the Universe was a cringe factory. Maybe when you’re older you’ll understand ;-)
February 12, 2009 at 3:54 pmhttp://www.brightestyoungthings.com/movies/film-review-across-the-universe/
February 12, 2009 at 3:59 pmAlso, Alan, see:
MY HEAD IS NOW A GIANT EGG!! (all the way from June of 2006)
and
Last Chance To See The Animation Show
asshole
February 12, 2009 at 6:55 pmShoot ‘Em Up is really good for what it is, but as far as I’m concerned, they just tried to copy “Crank”, but without the style and speed. It didn’t work nearly as well.
February 19, 2009 at 1:41 pmHaven’t seen Crank yet, but have been tempted…
February 19, 2009 at 2:06 pm
thank you for reminding me how horrible “across the universe” really was.
now, who’s rob riggle?
February 12, 2009 at 1:37 pm