The wait is over. Finally, Joanna Newsom plays a DC venue made for her. On March 22nd she will descend, harps and all to the Sixth and I Synagogue. Tickets (30$ in advance and sure to go as fast as wildfire) go on sale today at 10 am.
We do have 2 pairs of tickets to give away to this and you and your forrest nymph self want them.
Just leave a comment letting us know what your perfect date with Joanna would be in the comments and we'll notify the winner by Friday next week.
Easy?
Easy.
Previously in Misc/Awesome:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
- 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
- 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
- 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
- 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
- 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
- 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
God loves a cheerful giver.
I want to go for a picnic in the woods with Joanna and bring her harp along with us, and when she plays it a group of adorable woodland creatures will gather around and we will all frolic together
We'd go to a Caps game. What? I've seen a pic of her at a hockey games with Samberg. She can harp the National Anthem.
Post-game, we can go vintage shopping or frolic with the woodland creatures in Rock Creek Park. Or pre-game, whatevs. I ain't picky.
i would take Joanna to the skatepark and make her watch me skate. then i would take her to go eat at Lito's Pizza. we'll go to my basement and jam with her harp and my guitar. then we'll put make up on each other.
I would take her to the tabbard inn, wear we would eat oysters, play backgammon, and drink mint juleps. We would sneak up the staircase to a hidden room and make out and hold hands. after dinner we would sneak into dumbarton oaks(hop the fence). we would explore around and she would do a lot of humming and i would whistle.
I would take her to the very top of the Chrysler Building.
(you're going to have to do some research on that one to know why it automatically wins)
we'd kill our dinner with karate,
and all day long we'd talk about mercy.
she and I with a love so tender
walk all night 'neath the stars I'd sent her
And we'd lie next to the running river
Speak not so loud to feel the soft-born shivers
that night winds move in thistle patches
and light fish loom in the gentle splashes
we'd have unprotected sex.
We would have a two person YouTube dance party that I would kick off with The Kinks Victoria followed by Shangri-La. No matter what she picked, I'd pretend I at least kinda liked it.
THE DRIVE-IN, DOTTY.
Most likely a gwar show, but I would make her my special grilled three-cheese sandwich first to get her in the mood.
i already have tickets for this because i'm not a pathetically poor piece of shit. but if i were to go on a date with ms. newsom we would drink labmic framboise and watch me on snl. see you at the show, losers!
I'd arrive at her yurt and spend the night carefully transcribing her dreams into a vegan-leather bound journal and discussing the futures of our spirit animals. Yeah, so maybe I don't have a job or the means to "take her out". Maybe our relationship is defined by poorly digested take-out and fictional characters. It works for us.
We'd ride our vintage road bikes to my favorite meadow, hidden off the bike path, where we would spread a blanket in the flowers. I would attempt to impress her by pulling out a ukulele, and we would make music and drink wine and watch the sun set until the magical moment where she realized that she would, in fact, go gay for me (as I so would for her)
Chilling at Malcolm X Park, she'd sing 'Monkey and Bear' and we'd have a live talking monkey and bear on stage acting out the entire song with full supporting cast of other barn yard animals and a guest appearance by the guy in the tie dye and sandals that dances at the drummer's circle.
Then we'd get on our talking unicorns and take a trip to Candy Mountain with Charlie.
i would take her to go see cannibal corpse then take her to go eat at IHOP. then we'd go to my place and stare at each other.
7pm - Library of Congress for cooperative research on bestial necromancy
8pm - Heavenly Days pet cemetary in Rockland where we reanimate a horde of corpses of the districts beloved pets
9pm - In a domesticated reimagining of Woden's hunt, we ride the dessicated carcasses of the reanimated pets over the Chesapeake to the crab houses of Maryland's eastern shore. As we break the crustaceous husks and suck the crab meat from within, I assemble a small, percussive, vibraphone from the discarded shells.
10 pm - Joanna wipes the butter and meat from her lips and sings an old folk song that I've never ever heard, but sure enough i know every word, and i sing along. The crabraphone vibrates of its own accord as we touch toes under the waterlogged cedar of the crabshack picnic table
11 pm - Whales come and low along to Joanna's song in the friscallating moonlight
12 pm - The USS Enterprise appears and beams the whales away and the necromagic fades leaving us surrounded by a multitude of rotted pets.
12:15 pm - we fuck.
As it gets chilly this time of year, we'd start with a trip through the wardrobe and have tea with Mr. Tumnus. We'd then find an old library and choose our favorite turn of the century wood block illustrations. Then we'd walk up to meridian hill park and make daisy chains and sketch surreal landscapes of the city. There would be much mulled wine and home baked bread. There would be lots of skipping and we'd fall asleep under the stars...and magically not freeze to death.
Since it is a well-known fact that cool women love baby elephants, I'd contact zoos until I found one with a few baby elephants (the younger the better), and we'd sit around drinking champagne and watch the baby elephants frolic.
(Don't tell my wife.)
I'm sure she gets enough of this mystical sh&^ from her leagues of well-deserved fans. I'm not gonna use any literary words or frolic.
Let's get some thai food and take a long walk around Baltimore tonight.
Has anyone figured out why I won yet?
nope. but who actually ins?
*wins
i'm gonna tackle this later today
In the Kurt Vonnegut novel Jailbird, the uppermost room under the spire of the Chrysler Building is the showroom of the American Harp Company.
Great to see my favorite harpist getting some respect!
Speaking of Newsom, Roan Press's "Visions of Joanna Newsom" book is now available for pre-ordering: http://www.roanpress.com/ourbooks.html
You can see the blurbs at http://www.roanpress.com/news.html
Michael: I'm so very impressed, you had feelings in high school too?
No feelings. I just read a lot, remember most, and can make connections years later.