Brightest Young Things

It was a bad year for internets this year. First of all everyone started saying the intenet with an S or interwebs or intertubes or the Tubes or the WorldWideTruck or something and now I don't know what to call it. Because they're all so funny.

The other reason was the election, which was very important. So people weren't wasting a lot of time with frivolities, japes, jests, or musical trifles. Instead we were wasting time making long and thoughtful points in the youtube comments of the Will.i.am Redemption Song video we'd been watching all day and weeping softly then coughing when someone walked by our cubicle so that they'd think we were just coughing a lot. Lots of people uploaded songs about all the candidates and NPR did a story about them but they all sucked and now it's over and they suck even worse.

Anyway this dry hump of a year is over so let's see what brief moments of joy managed to leak through the clawed blinding fingers of the old witch of time that is dragging us into her murky lair moment by moment. And to my friends and family: enjoy these they're all I can afford to give anyone for Christmas.

This rappy retelling of the Robocop only works because 1. dude's British, 2. they cleverly insert the best lines into the lyrics, 3. it's really well edited and 4. the music's pretty ballin'. Other than that it was total bollocks though.

Also they did one for Predator.

NINE There She Is!! Steps 1-5

The Japanese are out of their minds. No this isn't culturally insensitive; because they really are I mean come on. They have cartoons about learning how to shit. What kind of person learns how to watch cartoons before they can shit correctly? (Unlike say, Russia, whose culture seems to be predicated on scaring the shit out of it's children as often as possible and not for no good reason). But the flash animations in There She Is! are just cute, and have some pretty catchy if indecipherable and probably secretly horrific words. Parts 1 2 3 are where the bunny and other thing fall in love but then there's some interracial conflict in part four and part 5 has a song by a band called Brunch. Go fuck yourself, Japan. You've stumped me again.

8. OH Napier – Joe Mike Allen

He had a lot to say over the past year. Sometimes he was bitter, sometimes he was happy, and sometimes he was 100% real and not funny at all, but god knows he was always always pretty drunk.

Thanks OH. Stay crazy man.

Numabr XXIV!^1222220!!!!!9898lolwtfzomgASP

Earlier this year we told y'all about I Set Your Friends on Fire, a couple of teenagers who parodied/improved Soldier Boy Tell 'Em with screamo vocals. Since then they've made a bunch of videos in some kind of pointless epic poem, but can anything really touch the glory of this 5 minute musical? The answer is yes.

(Co-sponsored by Smosh, makers of this fine Teleporting Fat Guy)

Numeral 6: Ronald Jenkees – Disorganized Fun

It's rumored here and there that Jenkees is faking the odd, bubbly persona that accompanies all his sweet youtube improvs. But who gives a shit? What's real is his ear for a sick funk effects pedal sound and the ability to make sitting in a dim characterless bedroom and flapping on a keyboard for hours with the blinds closed look like paradise. I hope he is actually a regular guy who gets many blowjobs every day, because he deserves them.

Five:  Sonseed -- Jesus Is My Friend

It's from the 80s. It's about Jesus. No it's not a joke or a recent fake, a helpful internet chat person on a webtube called the guy up and made sure. Pay special attention to the guy with the mustache ripping the guitar because he is actually Jesus.

Four. Interior Crocodile Alligator.

Interior crocodile alligator, I drive a Chevrolet movie theater. Interior, crocodile alligator. I drive a Chevrolet, Movie Theater. Interior. Crocodile. Alligator? I drive. A. Chevrolet. Movie, theater. Interior crocodile alligator. I drive a Chevrolet movie theater. Interior Crocodile Alligator. I Drive A Chevrolet Movie Theater.

Interior, crocodile alligator: I drive a Chevrolet movie theater.

3) Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=MC Vagina-- Jon Lajoie

OK the first one is better and less clever which is why it's better but. "Why did my penis cross the road? To get to other ________." is really a statement about our society that should be launched into space along with Shakespeare brains and a Mona Lisa bedspread to show the aliens that we speak the universal language of Truth. Having said that I just realized that there are no women on this list and that possibly makes me a giant pig, but may I remind you that there are no women on the internet so there.

Every JLJ does is coated in sticky wet Gold btw.

Number Two IS A TIE

For best and worst song of the internet that is a real song but was irrevocably shifted forever by its steaming pile of VIMEO! (Because they're both on Vimeo you see. Which is why Beat Control didn't make it you see. It is on Youtube, which is a gross to look at.) Anyway, the first is a pretty great song by a bunch of crackhead teenagers (OH SHIT THERE IS A GIRL IN THIS BAND MISOGYNY SCARE OVER!) but is taken to an entirely new height of technopunk bliss by the light show.

natalie portman's shaved head - sophisticated side ponytail from thatgo on Vimeo.

Beautiful. But there, there in the stinking corner of your heart where no light dares enter, there is still a pure darkness. A darkness known as Brokencyde. Also it is known as the space behind the Orange Julius smoothie machine at the mall where you would jerk off into a poor unsuspecting customer's Tropical Tango. After both things you feel very satisfied, in the way that a sadist must feel when he first feels the sting of his own whip. All is for nothing. Let it burn. Let it all burn! The world is a liar, so let's have sex with it! Or at least drool on it until it giggles or looks kind of annoyed like, "Uh, dude I don't know what they told you but this is going to cost extra."

LIAR! LIAR LIAR LIARRRRRRRRARARAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brokencyde - Freaxxx (Music Video) from Eat Cake Films on Vimeo.

The Hot Cool Shit Make You Feel The Toxic, Amirite? BUT THEN:

#1 Inter Net Song Of 2008

Hampster on A Piano – ParryGripp

Parrygripp is not a guy, he is an internet. Well we are all internets but we don't know it but he does. So his songs are songs from a guy that knows he is an internet so that means that they are also internets that know they are internets. Don't let that confuse you, just watch all of them and you will feel better and then O it will be 2009.

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 4/19: HAPPY National High Five Day!
• 4/17: Hangin' Tough with The D.C. Rollergirls
• 2/24: BYT Archives: Geek It Out
• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...