I think we should start by defining our audience because I imagine you, byt reader, in the following way: you are single or casually dating. You have been through one serious relationship and got burned. You go to a lot of DJ nights, i-pod raves and house parties. You are drunk right now! Am I right? You might want to go back to your facebook because I am writing for the married among you.
Let's define our audience a little more.
Here's me: My name is Douglas and I'm married. I am 30 years old. I grew up in a big family.
I am a W.A.S.P. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it means White (that's easy) Anglo-Saxon (not just white, but really white) Protestant (we sort of believe in Jesus, but we really believe in decorum).
My dad never lifted a finger in my house growing up. My mom was a classic housewife.
I tell you this to tell you this: I am not naturally romantic. I am from a culture that places no value on romance, no value on pleasing a woman beyond sex and has no definition of manliness besides making money. The way that I was taught to interact to women (not to mention the world) is from a culture that is practically extinct. My problem, not my fault.
More than any other culture I can think of the WASPs of America have been decimated. We lost our center long ago when most of our grandfathers died in WWII and those that remained to raise the next generation were weak and more often than not, stupid. So my culture is dead. And I'm not ashamed of that – these things happen.
I tell you that to tell you this: I fell in love with a woman who was, in a lot of ways, nothing like me. She was also, in a lot of other ways, exactly like me. People are funny that way because even though we have tons in common, share a basic world view and root for the same basic teams, she is still a woman, and I'm an old fashioned man (clueless).
For example, Did you know that sometimes a woman wants to just be held? Not convinced rationally that everything is going to be ok, no, just held. She does. She also needs to know you're thinking of her.
She needs to be told that you love her, but not when asked. Out of nowhere tell her. These are the things that I've learned.
I am a man who is slowly learning to be a better husband. If you have any tips, please let me know.
Next week: How to surprise her with presents...
Previously in Misc/Awesome:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
- 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
- 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
- 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
- 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
- 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
- 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
God loves a cheerful giver.
Same advice as earlier comment: Don't see Revolutionary Road.
Douglas - you should never shy away from exposing your penis to her. Chicks LOVE that. They don't always let you know how appreciative they are but that's because they don't always know how to adequately express their true feelings. Trust me, when she wakes up in the morning with your balls on her chin and your knees pinning down her shoulders and you're mushroom-stamping her forehead and she shrieks, calls you names, and carries on a hissy fit it is solely because that's how she thinks society wants her to behave, much like dudes will get mad and punch a wall rather than using their words to express frustration because their sports team did something with whatever ball your sports team uses in their play.
Michael, this must be the first of your posts I truly and full-heartedly support. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you.
Old fashioned guy who's willing to learn what his girl likes and then do it = perfect! Have any unmarried brothers??
NP - no problem. Glad I could help. I think I remember where you live still.
becca - I know, right? I can't wait to meet him someday.
Hey Dougie,
You know what women really like? A man who knows how to use the word "decimate" correctly. Look it up.
P.S. who chose the photo of the BMW Isetta? Hot.
I found it on google by searching for marriage or wedding or something.
on Google? I hope you were granted rights to use that image.
Michael, are you saying that women don't like penises? Cause I promise that's not true.
Taylor. No, I am saying the exact opposite, der.
Even lesbians secretly want the moanmaker: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/cas/977867553.html
I was married once. It wasn't that great.
so THAT'S how you ended up in the garage.
it should be interesting to see where this column leads.
tonysmallframe - don't say things like that, it ruins it for the romantics like myself.
married folks rock. not for everyone but i can honestly say its hella fun. tis true hit up my hubby and best friend kokayi for husband advice
www.myspace.com/kokayi
WHy is this on BYT? boring
I am having trouble reading this because every time I get to:
I imagine you, byt reader, in the following way: you are single or casually dating. You have been through one serious relationship and got burned. You go to a lot of DJ nights, i-pod raves and house parties. You are drunk right now!
that exclamation point makes me laugh too much to proceed.
i couldn't tell if this was a joke. either way it's pretty funny.
why do i want to learn how to hold a woman and tell her that i love her "just because"? where's the column telling me how to get drunker, faster?
Amanda - I'd like to consider myself a reformed romantic now. Different time, different place, and all that.
This article is making my penis soft...
ROTHFLMAO
"For example, Did you know that sometimes a woman wants to just be held? Not convinced rationally that everything is going to be ok, no, just held. She does. She also needs to know you’re thinking of her.
She needs to be told that you love her, but not when asked. Out of nowhere tell her. These are the things that I’ve learned."