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Introducing: The Real Man’s Guide to Marriage

January 5, 2009 by Douglas Scott

I think we should start by defining our audience because I imagine you, byt reader, in the following way: you are single or casually dating. You have been through one serious relationship and got burned. You go to a lot of DJ nights, i-pod raves and house parties. You are drunk right now! Am I right? You might want to go back to your facebook because I am writing for the married among you.

Let’s define our audience a little more.

Here’s me: My name is Douglas and I’m married. I am 30 years old. I grew up in a big family.

I am a W.A.S.P. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it means White (that’s easy) Anglo-Saxon (not just white, but really white) Protestant (we sort of believe in Jesus, but we really believe in decorum).

My dad never lifted a finger in my house growing up. My mom was a classic housewife.

I tell you this to tell you this: I am not naturally romantic. I am from a culture that places no value on romance, no value on pleasing a woman beyond sex and has no definition of manliness besides making money. The way that I was taught to interact to women (not to mention the world) is from a culture that is practically extinct. My problem, not my fault.

More than any other culture I can think of the WASPs of America have been decimated. We lost our center long ago when most of our grandfathers died in WWII and those that remained to raise the next generation were weak and more often than not, stupid. So my culture is dead. And I’m not ashamed of that – these things happen.

I tell you that to tell you this: I fell in love with a woman who was, in a lot of ways, nothing like me. She was also, in a lot of other ways, exactly like me. People are funny that way because even though we have tons in common, share a basic world view and root for the same basic teams, she is still a woman, and I’m an old fashioned man (clueless).

For example, Did you know that sometimes a woman wants to just be held? Not convinced rationally that everything is going to be ok, no, just held. She does. She also needs to know you’re thinking of her.
She needs to be told that you love her, but not when asked. Out of nowhere tell her. These are the things that I’ve learned.

I am a man who is slowly learning to be a better husband. If you have any tips, please let me know.

Next week: How to surprise her with presents…

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