Wake up and smell the news edition:
- The Kurt Cobain guide to startup success
- Playboy’s presidential sex quiz and learn things like this: Marilyn gave JFK a BJ in a bathtub.
- Michael Jackson making phone calls to High School Musical’s Zac Efron. creepy.
- Finally, MTV does something with its catalog of music videos
- What if you want to vote but can’t read?
- Experiment: 23 tubes, 1 bowl
- Tuna breakin’ loose from the pound. The other dogs stare in awe.
People I hate this morning in no particular order: God (for creating trannies), Spaniards (for sailing all over the goddamned place and helping settle the US, which eventually got us DC where trannies race), people who have parties in their houses on Tuesday nights, whomever invented the heel, bars that have live music on the same Tuesday nights, bartenders who pour with heavy hands while live music is at bars, people who get the great idea to drive across town, people who kick the insides of other people’s windshields out while on the drive across town rocking out to Metallica’s Blackened on cassette tape, people who leave a table full of goddamned half-drunk alcohol, people who think it’s a good idea to sit at that table and consume the rest of that alcohol, whichever fuck invented Karaoke, the same guy (above – he gets hated twice, no, wait, different guy) who drives from NE to SE (or W) to drop windshield kicker off then back to NW to drop me off, so that I then have to drive back to NE to drop someone else off and then back to NW to go home, whomever invented work, the people who hired me, and everyone else.
P.S. Eddie – I want my Metallica tape back. I just got the goddamned thing yesterday.
October 29, 2008 at 10:31 amTuesday is the new Thursday.
October 29, 2008 at 10:46 amI just hope my father still loves me after last night.
October 29, 2008 at 10:50 ammiguel – i will gladly return it to you at your earliest convenience. i think they suck, for one, and they are indirectly responsible for my windshield being cracked.
and quit your belly-achin’. last night was fun. your welcome for the taxi service. *cough-peter-cough*
libby – you rock. ty for the hosp
October 29, 2008 at 10:57 amMichael: COTW!!!!!!!
Svetlana: Your father raised the effing bar last night. It was fun watching the cute young women of DC enthusiastically dash themselves against those particular rocks.
whereamiandwhyamiwearingheelsandwhyismyfootbleeding?
October 29, 2008 at 11:43 ameddie – you think Metallica sucks? Kindly spend the rest of the afternoon running over your own face with a lawnmower, Radioheadboy.
October 29, 2008 at 1:27 pmok, i was gonna let it slide that my kings of leon cd got scratched the fuck up last night by the girl you let sit in my front seat, but now i’m gonna run over your shitty metallica tape with my car. say goodbye to lars and the rest of those tools.
October 29, 2008 at 1:58 pmafter my nap, of course. i’ve been up for four hours and i’m getting sleepy. OOOOOHH!!!
October 29, 2008 at 2:01 pmNo girl sat in your front seat, remember? We sat in the back while you chauffered us around like a bitch.
Kings of ballsucking.
October 29, 2008 at 2:23 pmEddie – Kings of Leon? Seriously?
Svetlana – Your dad rocks.
michael and william, how can you not like the kings of leon? i am so bummed i’m missing them in two weeks, i may be more upset that i’m missing WAS, but still.
October 29, 2008 at 2:30 pmCause they’re not 19.
October 29, 2008 at 2:49 pmJeff – my dog Louie died last year. I also callled him Loudini. He’d escape anything. So sorry.
October 29, 2008 at 2:50 pmCale – true. That and we have taste.
October 29, 2008 at 3:02 pmyes, seriously. i like them. try the older album.
metallica? seriously? not you, william (i hope).
and svet, your dad does rock. i was impressed that he just landed and started knocking back pivo like it was nothing.
October 29, 2008 at 3:27 pmI’d like to formerly apologize to: the Kings of Leon, Eddie’s Windshield, fans of Chris Cornell, my neighbors for watching Supernatural really loud at 4am while eating a bag of cheese, and various homeless women I tried to turn into Debbie Harry by making out with them. In closing I’d like to say that I had fun, am very grateful for the ride, and hope to never see you psychos again as long as I live.
October 29, 2008 at 3:40 pm@Alex Nicholson
And I sir, am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you!
October 29, 2008 at 3:44 pmThe only band I despise more than Kings of Leon is The Hold Steady. Both of them make me wretch within the first two notes of hearing them. My hatred could run for days so I will stop before it overtakes me.
When I was 19 I hated whatever bands were standing in that slot as well so don’t blame it on my receding (or outright disappearing) hairline. I resent being force fed acts like that under the premise that I would like them if I enjoyed the 20 other acts playing on the “indie” channel. To put it in perspective, when hfs would play The Pixies, Echo and the Bunnymen and Midnight Oil (all pretty “mainstream” alternative) and follow it with Pearl Jam it was obvious which one of those acts should be on a different station and playlist. Fucking Sirius and Left of Center runs these bumpers about being “where groundbreaking music lives” (or some shit like that) and then follows it with Kings of Leon or some trad new Conor Oberst shit it makes me want to rip my radio out and smash it against the car next to me at the light (hopefully filled with 19 year olds listening to The Hold Steady.) At least Tobi never does that to me.
Kings of Leon…. damn they make me mad…
October 29, 2008 at 4:33 pmThe Hold Steady sucks sooo bad.
October 29, 2008 at 4:42 pmlol@pedro
ok, you dicks, i get it. you hate kings of leon. idgaf
October 29, 2008 at 5:47 pmFist bump Libby.
Cale remains convinced that I should like them which beguiles me to no end.
By the way – Zac Effron is oddly hairless with the exception of his carefully mussed hairdo. Creepy on all counts.
October 29, 2008 at 6:19 pmZac Efron has the best groomed man brows since Joey Lawrence.
That is all
Pedro if I had had a movie camera you’d be the most popular guy on YouTube right now.
That shit was epic.
October 29, 2008 at 9:31 pmcale: that is not my fault. :(
and i would have to agree with everyone else, the hold steady do suck. but all of you have heard sex on fire, and you know that once you hear it, it’s in your head for the next five days.
i do not understand america’s obsession with high school musical(s) or zac efron.
i really wish i had been in dc last night.
October 29, 2008 at 10:21 pmJohn Foster’s hatred of The Hold Steady is sort of like Matt and Trey’s hatred of Family Guy. Sure, they make some valid points, but it’s obvious that a bit of jealousy fuels that fire.
October 29, 2008 at 10:46 pmI feel like the “Hold Steady hate” as an entity is almost a phantom contributor. It pops up THAT often.
October 29, 2008 at 11:14 pmMy Hold Steady hatred is pure and unadulterated. It is in fact, the purest emotion that I am capable of.
Plenty of things that I am petty and jealous of but this my friend, is not one of them.
October 29, 2008 at 11:20 pmI am watching the clock and counting the minutes until someone comments as “Hold Steady Hate.”
That is all.
Actually, I forgot – Cale is too skinny and wears girl’s jeans.
See – THAT is tinged with jealousy.
October 29, 2008 at 11:21 pmand michael, i have very fine taste, i just can’t afford it.
October 30, 2008 at 12:10 amyawn
October 30, 2008 at 12:19 amTo be fair I also hate Bruce Springsteen.
October 30, 2008 at 12:51 am
My beagle, Louie, died last Tuesday. We nick-named him Loudini because of his ability to escape from his cage. I am crying.
October 29, 2008 at 9:28 am