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Older Men: Part Deux

January 19, 2010 by Libby

I could give a damn about Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Zach Efron, the oldest Jonas brother or the cast of Gossip Girl (minus Chuck Bass). These children have as much appeal to me as a life without condiments.

So, I give you part 2 of Older Men, an ongoing BYT series dedicated to the Hellmann’s  Mayonnaise of men aged +45.

Jarvis Cocker (age 46)
Why: Just look at how adorable and well dressed your children will be with this man….

Michael Chabon (age 46)
Why: He turned down an offer to be in People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People issue and is so good at sex that women will ignore their maternal instincts to be with him.

Craig Ferguson (age 47)
Why: Where an American accent sounds lazy, a British accent sounds haughty and an Irish accent sounds like fetal alcohol syndrome; a Scottish accent sounds like your first crush.

John Slattery (age 47)
Why: He stole George Clooney’s wife and couldn’t care less about what happened in that house in Lake Como.

Jon Stewart (age 47)
Why: He proposed to his future wife through a personalized crossword puzzle created with the help of Will Shortz. SWOON.

Colin Firth (age 49)
Why: I’m pretty sure he’s actually Mr. Darcy in real life.

Bradley Whitford (age 50)
Why: I’m pretty sure he’s actually Josh Lyman in real life.

John McEnroe (age 50)
Why: There is nothing I respect more than an art collecting tennis legend who shreds guitar and is prone to emotional outbursts.

Daniel Day Lewis (age 52)
Why: Being with a method actor allows you get to have affairs with dandies, butchers and oilmen- and it’s NOT CHEATING.

David Byrne (age 57)
Why: He makes musical instruments out of buildings.

Jeff Goldblum (age 57)
Why: Who doesn’t want Dr. Ian Malcolm to teach them about Chaos Theory?

Richard Branson (age 59)
Why: You’re a horrible human being if you don’t want to physically thank the man who is making space tourism possible.

Bill Murray (age 59)
Why: During his first mid-life crisis he studied philosophy at the Sorbonne and During his second mid-life crisis he crashed loft parties in Brooklyn- who knows what kind of digressing you’ll do with this guy.

Jeff Bridges (age 60)
Why: TRON

Mikhail Baryshnikov (age 61)
Why: Ballerinas have outstanding flexibility and muscle memory.

Nelson Mandela (age 91)
Why: Because the only thing sexier than Integrity is salt and pepper hair.

READ Older Men: Part 1

Alec Baldwin
Steve Martin
Mick Jagger
Larry David
Vladimir Putin
Willem Dafoe
Benicio Del Toro
David Duchovny
James Spader
Rahm Emanuel
Sully Sullenberger
Brian Williams
Bill Clinton
Sam Neil

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