We were hanging out with our buddy Roy Charles today and we were all
Hey Roy what do you want to do tonight?
Rom Coms again? I thought you hated Valentines Day?
Wait a minute what else is going on tonight?
OMG UR RIGHT
OLYMPIC
OPENING
CEREMONIES!!!!!!
SO what are we going to do to get ready?
Well ok, i dont think you really get the idea behind Winter Games...also people are staring...
Let's take it outside...
Much better...want to try the Luge?
BE CAREFUL too many lugers have died already...
Bobsled? (Called Bob Sleigh in Canada)
Good work
OK now back to the house to get ready for the show!
GO USA AMERICA TEAM!
Watch the comments below for comments from our contributors as it happens...and watch this space for more of Roys responses to the pagentry!
UPDATE: 10pm
Roy almost completely forgot to watch, having gotten high and lost checking his mail in the lobby for about 20 minutes
and reading the rules
now he's excited about trying out to be on the Canadian team of People Dancing In Place for Hours While Countries Walk Into the Shit
SECOND UPDATE: MIDNIGHT
There were dancing eskimos and flashing lights and lots and lots of mediocre songs, but more importantly...
Roy got laid.
Goodnight all!
Previously in Misc/Awesome:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
- 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
- 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
- 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
- 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
- 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
- 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
God loves a cheerful giver.
I'll start this off. One dead fucking Luger better not ruin the whole Olympics. Just sayin'.
guys, what are we going to do without Lindsey Vonn? I am so nervous.
Roy is so excited he's watching the video of the luge guy flying through the air over and over and listening to My Heart Will Go On.
also Stacey Cook, yikes.
oh god so many sports tragedies: http://www.latimes.com/news/la-me-fred-morrison13-2010feb13,0,5084172.story?track=rss
Becca = Sporty Spice.
Tom Brokaw be looking old in High Def. We are waiting for a table at ESPNZONE. Did you know there are only like seven ESPNZONES in the US?
Alright, let the games begin. Why didn't they play that BMW commercial at the Superbowl? Holy shit. I want one.
Has anyone seen the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue with Lindsay Vonn and the other hot chicks of the Olympics?
P.S. Sunchips:1, Environmental Rapists:0
Per Wikipedia: At the 1976 (Summer) Games in Montreal, the Olympic cauldron was lit by two teenagers — one from the French-speaking part of the country, one from the English-speaking part — to symbolize the unity of Canada.
There's no way that's going to happen again.
AT&T Commercial just blew our collective minds at ESPN Zone.
Talking babies need to be punched. For real. Fuck you, E*Trade.
Schwarzenegger is Canadian? How did he get the torch? Jerk.
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. -Bode Miller will trade his skis for a tennis racket after the Olympics and World Cup season.
Miller will attempt to qualify for the U.S. Open through a new national playoff system announced Tuesday by the U.S. Tennis Association.
Tennis aficionados around the country can compete for a spot in the Grand Slam. The winner of the men's and women's championship will receive a wild-card entry into the U.S. Open qualifying tournament.
Miller is no stranger to tennis. He won the 1996 Maine state singles title in high school, and his family owns the Tamarack Tennis Camp in Easton, N.H.
Miller plans to compete in one of the 16 sectional qualifying tournaments this spring.
Registration through the USTA begins Feb. 1.
Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
sweet goatee
On me?
I <3 Lindsay Jacobellis. Like Courtney Love, but hotter. And even dumber.
I want to write with a Papermate pen on an Amtrak train.
I've collected 3 of the Coca-Cola limited edition Olympic cans - howabout you? Can't wait to get the 4th!!!
Lol bode bring it on u ponce
Vancouver looks heavenly
Barbara Streisand cares about Haitians!
Handicapping the Winter Olympics...
Moose-related time delays -over/under 32
Total human interest stories - over/under 142,398
Gay man wins ice skating gold - even money
Total sequins on above skater's pant suit - over/under 6500
Bryan Adams opening ceremony performance - 5 to 2
Bryan Adams performs as sparkling 30' tall maple leaf - 200 to 1
Costas openly weeps - 10 to 1
Olympic flame extinguished by sight of Celine Dion 30 to 1
Apolo Ohno's goatee tests positive for Just For Men - 100 to 1
Canada earns the respect of the world - 800 to 1
Emergency managerial subsitute Emilio Estevez leads US hockey team to gold - 5000 to 1
Freakish death on the curling sheet - 14,000 to 1
I'm already down $500 on a short-sighted We Are The World bet.
Terrible we r the world remake. Disappointing.
80 cents of every dollar raised by the new 'We Are The World' remake goes directly to Wyclef's pocket. Text 'THIEF' to 55055
I hope they have a remix contest where you can get Vince Vaugn and Jeff Bridges solo trax.
Corey FTW
There should be a winter olympics event for morbidly obese peoples. Involving hot tubs on an incline
5 minutes to go. So psyched.
interesting: http://www.moneyunder30.com/how-much-do-olympic-athletes-earn-unless-youre-michael-phelps-not-enough
There should be an olympics where retards can compete.
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE OFFICIAL SPONSOR
get a higher rez pic of nodar, jeez
This luge death is the worst Georgian sports tragedy since Michael Vick.
COUNTDOWN!
Will.I.am just came out with a Haiti relief song too it is called sorry about the aids hurricane.
This montage reminds me of the eurovision song contest country montages. i love it.
Vancouver is cool. On weed.
Is that Trey Parker rattling off the locations?
so basically, what this is telling us is that you have to be completely nuts to be a winter olympian.
apparently, as of 2010, aboriginals are people too
Going Rogge.
Who is that snowboarder? Reminds me of the Wizard in the Wizard of OZ.
The Queen couldn't make it? What the hell else does she have to do?
Who dat! Who dat! Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Norse?
Fuck this, they should have Geddy Lee do the anthem
This is the most incredible vodka ad I've ever seen.
Celine Dion feels robbed right now
or maybe not...
Todd Barry on the NBC commercial! Anyone catch that?
wow.. that lip-synch was really autotuned...
will the arcade fire be performing?
most amazing vodka luges ever
animatronic ice dildos. OOOOOOH CANADA!
Okay, this is where you're supposed to take the peyote.
this has to be wrong, right?
This aboriginal showcase would be a lot more realistic if the Canadian government flew a cargo plane overhead and dumped a bunch of shit all over the dancers. Like actual human shit.
I think that first "aboriginal" group was just the cast of High School Musical.
All the hot tribes are American.
big anco influence on that native 'canadian' song
Bring on the lycra turtlenecked bodysuits.
albania and algeria putting all their eggs into one basket (i'll be doing a lot of bad puns, stay tuned)
Woo! Algeria!
No dreds like Andorran dreds
Remember in China when there were all those boxes moving up and down that looked like it was being controlled by some complex computerized hydraulic system, but then it was just a bunch of little Chinese people? That was awesome.
Anyone notice how high the Andorrans are?
Seriously WTF is this with the athlete parade now? I WANT PAGEANTRY! Everyone knows this is the worst part of the whole Olympics.
Austrian team is made entirely of flight attendants?
azerjaibanis pants for the win
AZERBAIJAN YOU ARE NOT A REAL COUNTRY IF YOU WEAR PANTS LIKE THAT.
Did everyone watch the Colbert Skate Expectations '010 segments? All of them were genius.
Bermudans in BERMUDA PANTS! clever?
How do I post pictures?
Cayman Islands here for "leisure sports."
Cayman Islands?
The guy from the Cayman Islands is going to get stuck hanging out with the dufus from Bermuda for two straight weeks.
This is boring. Where are the killer whales? And where's Gordie Howe?
Some countries are obviously being discriminated against in commercial breaks. I sense a riot
use html img tags
What are you talking about, Svetlana, there's no countries between China and Germany. It's alphabetical order.
did you see the vbs.tv segment on north korea? creepy.
All of the North Korean athletes will be competing in defecting.
What's your definition of a sport, Costas? What's your definition of love, Costas?
that sauna joke was off the chain
These winter games opening ceremony outfits are so much more stylish than the summer games. Azerbaijan, Bermuda, Finland, Czech Republic are kicking it so far
BYT Saunain'
like this?
somewhat pertrubed by everyone's almost unnatural glow
I'm such a sap. I'm almost crying as Georgia walks into this stadium.
Where the hell is Seaton Smith?
re: All of the North Korean athletes will be competing in defecting.
I just watched the Kenny vs Spenny episode Who Can Keep a Dump in Their Pants the Longest? today. I love that show.
@Summer
me too. no homo/jokes.
Last time I saw Seaton he was going out to doing some luge. Maybe someone should give him a call just in case.
germans are all going to a rave
WTF is Germany wearing?!?
ghana's flag bearer looks like wale's older brother
@Jeff - I edited your comment and added img tag. if you submitted it with them then wordpress stripped them cause you're not a comment power user like me or something, sorry.
Hahahahahahahahaahah the British royal family is so #$UF!@) "BRITISH" they had absolutely no reaction to their delegation walking in
re: re: All of the North Korean athletes will be competing in defecting.
I just watched the Kenny vs Spenny episode Who Can Keep a Dump in Their Pants the Longest? today. I love that show.
Yes, and defecating.
Finally I have a tv and some beer.
Just is time for the awkwardness that is Jolly Old England
Matt Lauer, what are you talking about? IcePartners.com?
how does iceland have only 4 athletes? cayman islands had more
Okay so I just gotta say that these European countries are doing no favor to physical stereotypes (specifically referencing the Scandinavian countries here). I want those genes for my children.
India: 1 billion people + The Himalayas = 3 Winter Olympic Athletes.
Icelanders tend to stay indoors
Where's Roy Charles, btw? And there was way more furry fashion at Sundance.
@Cale who is that photo of?
Ireland colors-no words
BABY BJORK
@Svetlana - what's wrong with Eire's colors?
Anyone notice how the muisc got all dark and menacing when the Italians out?
Usain Bolt looks great.
oh look its the coldest guy in jamaica
@Summer-it was like neon version of puke
I bet those injuns are tired of stomping around
olympic nationalism
Where are the baby pictures of bob coastas?
me <3 casey
good thing they got back from commercial in time for lictenstein because wait no i dont give a shit
Hahaha at the announcer talking about how many medals the US should have, and i quote: "JUST SAYIN!"
just sayin imo
Best Olympic Athletes ever, fyi. Synchronized Swimmers. Cale, please fix this.
Mexico: winter sports aren't really our thing, so we sent a white dude.
I feel really bad for the First Nations and the background dancers. My legs would be killin me by now if I was them.
amazing monaco sweaters
Monaco's sweaters = FAIL
mongolian flag girl killin it
i swear montenegro people are better looking in real life
montenegro = that shit is racist
Anyone know why the Netherlands are in orange? I remember my history lessons about some dude William of Orange but I'm pretty sure he's not from Netherlands.
So I'm blogging from my phone in a bar in north carolina! I'm watching new zealnd now. I want to fuck new zealand.
its actually crna gora, it is just the rest of the world that chooses to call it montenegro
Norway. Such beautiful women and such ugly men. How does that work? Anyone want to go?
join the club seaton yep
also, if i went exploring and colonized/discovered/killed the original inhabitants of a country i would be a lot more creative than the rest of the world in picking flag colors. red/white/blue is so overused. i'm full of pride for our colors but...I'M JUST SAYIN. i mean, where's the hot pink?
cuu cucucuu cu cucucu
yeah more like bore-tu-gal!
ahahahah ha
o god
I'm tempted to keep talking about the fuckable countries but it will get racist real soon. Go Norway!
To sum the Costas hate so far:
"Most of these assholes don't have medals, these guys don't even have any snow, and hey Mongolia remember that time you showed up drunk without qualifying for anything and thought you could just compete and everyone felt sorry for you and let you?"
Is it weird that I want to watch Seaton fuck New Zealand?
What was that team with the dope red jackets just a minute back?
i am being made to watch nba all star weekend during the commercial breaks
OVECHKIN MUST DIE TRAITOROUS COMMIE
I'm kind of feeling the P&G ad with the little kids. Tear.
uhhh P&G wins over all moms with that ad...
and , of course, serbians happened during the commercial break. typical.
except i just realized how there were no black athletes in that p&g ad just the middle eastern looking girl speed skating. WTF P&G?
Svet I would watch the all star game too if I was not in a bar in NC. Actually its weird the allstar game isn't on. Dude they got three flatscreens and no shitty all star game.
Apparently to balance out the First Nations people dancing in the middle they had to get the whitest people in Canada to dance behind the athletes as they walk in.
swiss flag bearer is on prozac
also, anyone else notice that the camera always seems to land on the most attractive people in the delegation? hahah i love how predictable our culture is
Summer, I will always choose a hot blonde in speedos over civil rights.
i love how they all have shitty sony cameras to videotape themselves...it's like the only point of being in the olympics is to update your FB profile
LOOK MOM IM ON TV, ON MY TUMBLER, ALL BLURRY AND SHIT AND UPSIDEDOWN FOR A SECOND BY ACCIDENT
Somebody should do a spreadsheet of athletes per population. This is ridiculous. Okay, here comes the U.S.
ukraine looks more like sweden than sweden
OMG OMG USA UP NEXT
Hi Suzanne
@Seaton, no arguments here, eye candy is eye candy, but I suspect that the cameraman is a dude bc i dont see enough hotties with a body for me....OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOW!
Everyone's cheering at ESPN Zone. The whole staff came out for the US walk. This is disturbing. Why am I getting teary-eyed?
wonder what boots jill biden is wearing
u
s
a
usa
USA
UUUUSSSSSAAAAA
JOE BIDEN TOOK THE TRAIN THERE HOLLA
Joe Biden fresh off a cross-country train ride.
Yea, Mama and Papa Biden are representing. Is the O-TEAM in the hizzous too??? Where they at??? Bush always went to the olympics
those are pretty sweet moose caps tbh
WHOSE TJHAT UGLY REDHEADED CHICK DAMN
shaun white sighting kindof counts as a rickroll
Yo, Mr. Lauren, I just gotta ask. WTF kinda pants are our men and women wearing for these opening ceremonies. Really??
Bad-ass turquoise ring on Shaun White. I fucking love that kid. I hope my first born has red hair.
us has 10 times the population than canada, and 10 more athletes than canada
the streets will run RED tonight in Canadatown
with patriotism
Canada's remaining native tribes have managed to subsist on knitwear sales.
Man I wish there was a country we could all hate together. Man where are the USA values?
canadian gloves are cracking me up
Die, Syndey Crosby, die.
This just in: Canadians are going to start being ambitious.
prime minister of canunk is 100% Kimmel in a wig
seaton, we can still hate the german jackets together. that's something.
...and the blue-smocked crowd goes nuts.
who do you think will light the flames?
I think something cool is about to happen. Killer Whale or Arcade Fire or Metric or Wayne Gretzky in a lamborghini. Something. Drumroll...
I think the First Nations dancers deserve a gold medal.
Time for DANCE OFF amirite
And the natives dance on...
The indigenous people will be leaving through the smallpox showers.
fucking bryan adams!
jeff: nope just horrible bryan adams something
You know, after China's olympics I hope Canada is planning on showing they can do more than master the art of auto-tuning 16 year olds and build ice sculptures with the mobility of a Playmobil figure.
and nelly furtado!
aw.kward.
nelly furtado should fly like a bird back to the 1990s in roys opinion
They should have had this girl instead. She's Canadian. I don't know her name, but this video is amazing...
Did celine turn them down? if there's ever a time to be cheesy and stick with country stereotypes, it's the olympics. i want my celineeeeeeeeee!
The indigenous people will be leaving through the smallpox showers...
...right after they are lulled to sleep by Nellie Furtado and Doogie Howser.
Fuck. cale, please fix.
also-worst song ever.
I hate this singing couple. For real. Best outfits are def. on the natives.
juice crew going BONKERS Heeeeeeeyyyyaaaaaaaa....HEYYA
shit roy just passed out come on buddy keep it together
Shouldn't Nelly and the dude be wearing some red or Canadian mittens? and omg this song...sorry but I agree. lame.
20 million dollar budget for the ceremony and 150 dollar budget for the music sound system.
amy was just hanging out with ted koppel (?)
COLLECT YOUR BRYAN ADAMS MONEY!!!!
Handicapping the Winter Olympics…
Moose-related time delays -over/under 32
Total human interest stories – over/under 142,398
Gay man wins ice skating gold – even money
Total sequins on above skater’s pant suit – over/under 6500
Bryan Adams opening ceremony performance – 5 to 2
Bryan Adams performs as sparkling 30′ tall maple leaf – 200 to 1
Costas openly weeps – 10 to 1
Olympic flame extinguished by sight of Celine Dion 30 to 1
Apolo Ohno’s goatee tests positive for Just For Men – 100 to 1
Canada earns the respect of the world – 800 to 1
Emergency managerial subsitute Emilio Estevez leads US hockey team to gold – 5000 to 1
Freakish death on the curling sheet – 14,000 to 1
I’m already down $500 on a short-sighted We Are The World bet.
LOOK AT THIS PAINTING MY GIRFRIEND DID OMG LOL jk
Oh, it was Nelly Furtado. She's no Alicia Keys.
Thumbs up or down on that Coke snowball commercial?
Yes, Coke, Olympic athletes drink your chemical and sugary junk drink all the time. It's what makes them so strong! Jeez.... Advertising these days. But that snowball fight blows dupont out of the water
there is a #torchlongshots tag on twitteR: alex trebek, michael j. fox, michael cera...
China gets a thousand people to bang drums in sync and blow the world's mind. Canada gets Bryan Adams and Nelly Furtado to sing about banging a drum and make me want to blow my brains out. Similar but different.
I can only dream
seaton got abducted by rednecks
RIP
oh shit its a sasquatch wizard
AND NOW-YOU ALL DIE!!!!!!
aka donald sutherland?
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaandolf!!!
@Peter
asshole
its a avatar!
scotch tape ipod headphones
its a avatar wearing an ipod sheath
I wouldn't be surprised if people are watching this opening ceremony thinking to themselves, "WTF is with these brown skinned people representing Canada. I didn't know they had Indians in Canada." I love how it becomes PC and so you gotta include them and then the rest of the time no one cares. Anyways....enough political junk from me
ITS RAINING LOONIES
What the hell is going on? Why are they wasting time with this?
Is this Styx? Styx is Canadian.
prediction: stephen colbert lights the torch with his dick
Fuck yes. Gandolf has some crazy ass powers.
that guy like twice as powerful as Blanka
and by Stephen Colbert i mean Dan Ackroyd and by dick I mean 'crystal skull'
Light Brite buffalo always a nice touch.
This ceremony is what happens when you hold the Olympics in a city where all anyone does is smoke really good weed and watch Lord of the Rings.
I seriously need a bear that shits fireworks. Libby for your list.
THIS IS ALL A DECOY while canadian snipers target shaun white
argh shit i was just thinking about Yogi Bear theres no way a Yogi Bear could destroy the city...o fuck
oh shit RUN
I just had an epiphany. For China they used thousands of people and manpower to put on the most badass opening ceremony ever and back in north america we rely on lights and electronics to do the work for us. Anyone wonder why China is taking over?
and thats how Pangea became Atlantis or something
too bad the stage did not melt while bryan and nelly were singing
Wow. Shit just got real.
Oops I said no more political statements. argh.
A fucking environmental message. Lame. This is what happens when you legalize gay marriage and provide universal healthcare.
SICK!!!!! WHALES!!!!! That is bomb. I wish they had real ones performing for us though.
jeff just had a free willigasm didnt he
WHALES, jeff, your whales are here
This just got so much cooler. I told you there would be Killer Whales. +1 million
I think Costas just referred to 2.5-dimensional.
is that a real thing or a hologram or a will.i.am or what
From Geologist (Animal Collective):
"I take back everything I said about the Opening Ceremonies. This is insane!"
drugz work
SURPRISE K'NAAN SINGS THE LION KING OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
THE TREES by Rush
There is unrest in the forest,
There is trouble with the trees,
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their please.
The trouble with the maples,
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light.
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made.
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade.
There is trouble in the forest,
And the creatures all have fled,
As the maples scream "Oppression!"
And the oaks just shake their heads
So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights.
"The oaks are just too greedy;
We will make them give us light."
Now there's no more oak oppression,
For they passed a noble law,
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe, and saw.
Now this is what I'm talking about. Sing it Shania.
and then they had to go an ruin it all with sarah mclachlan and white people dancing
Canada is down to three remaining international recording stars. They won't get halfway through the ceremony at this pace.
or sarah mclaughlin ugh
shania twain up next tongue wresting ellen page in a giant womb
Oh man, this is from the NY Times Liveblog. Too much: The head of the organizing committee, John Furlong, said that tonight’s ceremony would define Canada to the world without falling back on the old clichés. So far we’ve seen Mounties in red serge, totem poles (which have folded into the floor), a giant mesh and wire polar bear and a seascape. — Ian Austen
UPSKIRT
bingo
I heard Of Montreal is gonna be on later
that was the worlds worst dance crew for real
dear cale: die
Isn't Neil Young Canadian? This would be way cooler with a little guitar rock.
hurry up and comment more so I stop seeing wiener
I wonder if Sarah Palin is suspiciously eyeing all of this from her back porch.
Jeez, Cop Out looks terrible. Shame on you Tracy Morgan.
I hope Neil Young lights the torch with David Crosby's flaming head.
is GEM canadian?
whoisitwhoisitwhoisit
is that wolverine?
Its special RIVERDANCE wolverine
gotta catch em all
Canada has no way around the fact it is the boringest place in the world.
this is witchcraft fuck this
jk TEACH ME YOUR WITCHCRAFT CIRQUE DE MOONIES
if we didn't have announcers i would have no idea wtf is going on. wait. i still don't understand. wtf.
Batman on Violin or Revenge of the Nerds
Cale Please fix.
i hope the dude gets smeared in maple syrup or something
this is the stupidest shit ive ever seen
i've tried skreetch he tastes like ass
SHUT THE FUCK UP, THOMAS.
I think I saw some people headed for the exits. For the first time in Olympic opening ceremony history.
if i was on drugs right now this would be the shiz.
river dancing street punks, did canada invent those just for these olympics?
cheese is dripping off my screen
REAL FUNNY GUY, THOMAS. REAL FUNNY. NOW STFU AND ENJOY THE CEREMONY.
This just became the worst thing I've ever seen. More whales. Seriously I loved Canada for about 45 seconds. I had so much national pride for Canda and then they started this crazy riverdance bullshit with violins and now I hate Canada more than any place on Earth. Aside from Italy.
just to recap: leaves, fiddles, mythical devils, punks, riverdance, scottish tartan kilts, ominous music. okay, yeah no, still, WTF?
That's funny. I lived in Quebec for 6 years and I didn't see a single goth fiddler.
yeah wtf this is like a hodown in a Rancid video
im with you thomas
Re: if i was on drugs right now this would be the shiz.
doubtful
i wish i knew canadians so i could call them up and be like.....sooooo what do you do for fun? tap dance?
Okay nm this got really bad. Shit.
CHALLENGE!
ARCADE FIRE THE MUSICAL COMING SOON TO BROADWAY
Alright. Leaves projected on the ground, we're getting somewhere.
Is that K-OS?
or a weird class you can take at a gym in Rockville
LOL, that bass line sounded like something out of Guitar Center.
BRB, shit is getting real again.
the announcers are silent with a mixture of confusion, shock, horror, disgust....boredom. ditto.
@Cale, yeah, I retract that statement. i'd prolly be horrified and running from the tv.
OH WAIT MY SHOES LIGHT ON FIRE, LOOK!
Olympics FAIL.
and canada wonders why we make fun of them.
something horrible is going to rise out the center and devour everything soon isnt it
i hope the torch consumes us all in flames
An unknown theatre instructor from the Vancouver Community Arts College was given the break of his life to direct this and I think he is having a hard time bringing his vision to this stage.
Roy looks like Baba Booey.
Cut to commercial. Thank god. Let's Phelps up this Olympics.
subway, why do you tempt me? if only this were the summer olympics!!!!!!!!! Canda olympics = epic fail.
even roy is dressed like a jerkoff tonight
This is basically Waiting for Guffman on a global scale. I've gone from wanting to call my Canadian friends and make fun of them to wanting to call my Canadian friends and console them.
The Acura ZDX chick is the hottest woman I've ever seen. Who is she?
Waiting for Guffman FTW
I'm going to go make some banana bread (for realz) - be back in a few.
i hope it's syrup time
This kid looks like Erik Loften.
that was putrid. i love the windows media player visualizer that theyve been projecting across the stadium all night.
TELL ME WHAT I MISSED WHEN I GET BACK
this song had better be about ski jumping
Act III: Moosejaw
its like erik loften minus 10 years and + 3 chromosomes somehow
it looks like its hiding a boner with that puffy shirt
too many things to mock right now
WHERE IS GORDON LIGHTFOOT?
ok the flying somersaults is kind of awesome
HOLY SHIT
oh dear i hope he doesnt lose his head...
flying can be dangerous
peter pan, the canada years
Peter Pan-couver
I'll give you the keys to my flying machine, if you'd like...
This segment represents the "getting high as fuck" aspect of Canadian culture. And it is *not* subtle.
i think they should eliminate all the people, and let us just watch the floor for a couple of hours
bring back the fiddle punks. at least i understood what that was supposed to represent.
fields of wheat and flying around mean what exactly? last time i checked canada didn't farm.
you hear that sound? its Lee Jeans' market share shooting heavenward
Where's Seaton. This games needs the African-American perspective.
Are black Canadians called African-Canadians?
okay that guy totally looks like a cross between frankie muniz and frodo
the national circus school of montreal. pretty much says it all.
Act IV: God Apologizes for Canada
theyre going to pay tribute to every part of canada? no wonder so many parts are boring
and for my next trick: SNOW CONES
@thomas The hoop earring and wolfman hair pretty much said it all.
should I rewind my tivo or no?
a man is too small to feel its size
THATS WHAT SHE SAID
SHE IS A HOMOPHOBE BTW
Yeah I can dig this make believe skiing and snowboarding.
cale there was just a person flying of indistinct gender
it may have been an elf
rewind later while hungover
@Cale Only if you want to be lulled to sleep
cale-no
Speaking of high, there's Shaun White looooving this shit and coughing for some unknown reason.
too bad stephen hawking isnt canadian, they couldve strapped him into one of those snowboard harnesses and dangled him in front of the sheet.
I love Shaun White so much. And I hate the way this opening ceremonies is going so much.
It could have been so cool. Why did they invite Cirque Du Solei?
More WHALES!!!
yous all wanna switch to USA?
pretty sweet NCIS rerun going on
Can they just broadcast some fucking curling already?
I mean...he flies around in fucking space -- I don't see why he wouldn't snowboard for a couple million people.
FUCK YES. you an me cale, you an me.
Cirque Du Solei could spin circles around these dangling clowns
DAMN IT CALE, YOU BEAT ME TO IT.
They couldn't even find a way to turn it into a real ice skating rink? Lame.
Holy fuck. Rollerblades.
I heard Canada just got rollerblades last year
rollerblades are cheating!
oh sweet iceskating!
roy:
costas: Those arr inline skates just in case you were wondering
roy: D:
Everyone is leaving ESPN ZONE. Only Wayne Gretzky can save this games.
Yall for real this is the best part of the show so far. And it's the most simple concept. Just goes to show not to over think it.
thanks for nothing costas you dreamkiller
I'm nauseous with anger.
ps. you're not allowed to call them rollerblades unless they're actually rollerblade brand. you'll get letters and stuff.
Or maybe if they rolled out the corpse of that dead luger to distract people from how bad this is. Wrapped in Xmas lights.
SLAM POETRY YOUTUBZ
Slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam poetry.
I love slam poetry.
Is that....a beard?
DID THEY JUST SAY 'SLAM POETRY'?
DID THEY JUST SAY 'SLAM POETRY'?
DID THEY JUST SAY 'SLAM POETRY'?
DID THEY JUST SAY 'SLAM POETRY'?
omfg the gift that keeps on giving.
A GUY THEY FOUND ON YOUTUBE
He looks like a country bear jamboree bear.
LET THE NECKBEARD SPEAK
Hahahaha zed
can someone explain why canadians are all up in arms about their Ps & Qs? is that their thing?
A to Zed. Goodnight.
Are the people in white suits gathering around trying to figure out a way to get him down?
THIS makes me want to shoot the screen
the neckbeard is pleased
and...cue touching sentimental great ball of red light
What can follow Rollerblading and Slam Poetry?
c'mon that was the best part so far you guyz
I think that guy ate the Barenaked Ladies.
And I, for one, welcome our new Chinese overlords
why is there skiing in this commercial the games are about retards doing art for rehab
yall...the olympics isnt' a trending topic in the US or Canada.
HES GOING TO STOP THE GAMES
time to call it off guys, too disappointing
HI HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they stole the set from the penguins lair and combined it with the aggro crag from G.U.T.S.
this is seriouesly the best part probably
whats it all aboot dude gimmie the scoop
Okay so.... opening ceremonies grade is an "Eh" for effort
let's go back to the village and f**k
'great good' eh
thats a double positive bro
it's abooot generosity. it's abooot competition. it's abooot your fallen colleague.
Wouldn't his speech be more impactful if he did it while suspended above the ground in a white unitard?
can't wait for my banana bread to be done
Is the audience growling? CANADIANS I SWARE
Conspiracy Theory: This fucker killed the Luger in order to give this sweet speech
The good ole days...
NAGANO, Feb. 20 (Friday) — An unknown number of players on the U.S. men's hockey team caused about $1,000 worth of damage to their rooms at the Olympic athlete's village early Thursday morning, about 10 hours after they were eliminated from the Olympic tournament.
Chairs were broken, and two apartments were damaged by activated fire extinguishers. One fire extinguisher was tossed from the fifth floor into the common area, USA Chief of Mission Paul George said. The incident occurred at about 4 a.m. (2 p.m. Wednesday EST).
Audience: DID HE SAY TORCH DEAR GOD BRING IT ON I WANT TO GO HOME PLEASE
Cremate me.
@Melissa the audience was given drums to beat instead of yell, that's the growling sound you hear
YOU LIE!!!!
oh shit dey got rare magic
OHHHHH. Thanx, Summer. I missed that part. I was too busy trash-talking countries during the flag walking ceremony.
Who would rather hear John Ashcroft? WHO ALL SEE DE LEPRECHAUN SAY YEAH
please save us...
NEVER ENDING
cale please fix
HE SAID THANX TO BYT!!!!
You know, Canada has universal health care you guys and look where it got me. Not hatin just sayin.
im going to assassinate this guy serius bizniss
That dude can NOT be a native French speaker right? that just did not sound right
he just said:
WHERE IS THE LIBRARY
I AM NOT THE SMALL GIRL
Roy Charles?
Hey @Luger Ghost, just sayin, I think it's a little to early to be impersonating/making fun of a guy that died today.
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SLEEP WITH ME THIS EVENING"
Dolf Lungren
how many fucking harps do they need?
Roys done with this farce, he's moved on to Xgames instead
i speak more fluent french than this dude
anyone else think this stage looks like it's straight out of a comic book?
this guys doing observational humor in french
"Les Bitches be Shopping do tu know what i am saying avec"
@Roy and @Peter, GOOD CHOICE, SHAUN WILL BE THERE TOO!
who is it????????????
JK I'm still here, I just didn't want to go back to Georgia.
oh sweet christ. goodnight folks.
according to their music performer choices these are winter olympics 1992
THAT DUDES GOT A KILLER SET OF PIPES DAWG
WHAT THE F@Y$@????? They're playing this to close the games? I am speechless now
What is that man doing to one of my favorite songs??
kd lang doesn't look good in a 48L jacket.
FAT LESBIAN ELVIS SHOULD SING BLUE HAWAII NEXT GO GO GO
@Alfonso Pretty sure that's a woman actually.
Why haven't they shown a closeup of K.D.'s face yet?
ok - I'm going to watch something else now and eat my banana bread. God bless you all.
summer keeping it real
Shaun White just got caught laughing it up with his bros during Hallelujah....ouch
CALE DO NOT LEAVE ME OMG MAYBE SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN NEXT
MAYBE THERES A GOD ABOVE CALE HAVE U CONSIDERED IT
Like Rush?
@Summer I'm pretty sure that's Roy Orbison's fat half-asian brother and I can smell girl parts on its breath so let's agree to disagree.
I THINK THEY'LL SHOW K.D.'S FACE EVENTUALLY -- DON'T LEAVE JUST YET CALE.
the Humanist/atheist/agnostic in me is kicking myself at this song being used at the olympics in the opening ceremony
everyone gets to keep their glow in the dark pocket vibrators, so thank god for that
dear jesus please bring on rush soon or else i will eat broken glass
Okay, guys, this is fucked. They just turned KD Lang off the big screen at ESPN ZONE and put on the WVU/Pitt game. I'm going to live blog the Pitt game now.
F THIS JUST SHOW ME THE TORCH
86:83 Pitt is winning 38.3 seconds left in Double Overtime!
CHICKITY CHINA THE CHINESE CHICKEN
in other news charles barkley is changing doll diapers on "inside the nba"
Canada's ace in the hole: Sebastian Bach. Yes, he's Canadian and he is the country's last hope.
88:85 Pitt is up. 26.7 seconds left, WVU has the ball...
In all the joking around I don't think I properly conveyed the wtfness I'm going through at them using that song. Actually, actually disturbed.
i love donald sutherland
three free throws for WVU. Holy shit. Guys, seriously fuck the olympics and change the channel.
Fuck they just put the Olympics back on. Fuck.
@Alfonso We can agree on that.
Also, anyone else who knows anything about anything knows that Dallaire shouldn't be carrying that flag. Just sayin.
The former Canadian in me just got super pumped for Bobby Orr. The current American in me doesn't give a shit though.
Iron Sheik is on ESPN Classic. ESPNZONE just went nuts.
But Canada still has Celine Dion, Michael Buble, Corey Hart, and Paul Anka warming up in the bullpen. Raffi and Alanis Morrisette might be in the building too.
this woman's hair ate nelly furtado for dinner
Sooooo this opening ceremony make anyone want to visit Canada?
i just realized shes been singing in english. this woman rules.
i just passed out and woke up for a second is this a rerun
i think william shatner is next
Holy shit, triple overtime. This game is amazing. What's happening at the olympics? Guy Lafleur there?
SHOW US YOUR TITS
Never forget. My death was like 9-11 in Georgia.
Arcade Fire is going to walk out with the Olympic torch playing "Wake Up" and everything will be fine. That's the only rational play they have now.
Okay its back on. What is this dead air?
Sorry, you're right Svet. Arcade Fire and William Shatner.
*bows head, dips Papa Johns pizza crust in garlic sauce*
DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU DOPING, GIRL.
that girl looks like a cheater
VOW INVALID
(and not just because i slept with her in insbruck even tho she had a bf lol)
shatner! shatner! shatner!
toyota commercials are an olympic sport in the little known FALL GAMES
along with fingerboarding, sliding down the stairs face first, and Karaoke
8===D
Pittsburgh and West Virginia fans are un-Canadian.
If they played some Chuck commercials right now I would forgive Canada for all of the opening ceremony.
time for the torch, i for one am pretty satiated
cale please fix.
This is who everyone expected it to be. No surprises.
A fucking cripple? Gimme a break.
OMG Hes SO CUTE but like he's inna wheelchair but I'm drunk.
lame?
Ugh, here we go...
I wrote too soon, he was just carrying it into the stadium. The suspense lives on.
im not going to make fun of this guy, but, i mean come on hurry up
STEVE NASH!
LOOK AN ACTUAL ATHLETE
Okay, Steve Nash is pretty damn awesome.
this is pretty good for a special olympics opening ceremony.
WE ARE SO CUTE!
followed by old lady no one cares about
THE GREAT ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
steve nash in mittens is probably still 100x more agile that most bammas there
OK LAST GUY WAYNE SOMETHING YAWN
GRETZKY!
PARALYMPICS = SO STUPID
FUCK YES GRETZKY FINALLY
oh jezes what is going to emerge is it shatners boner
Here it comes. This is where it rises out of the ground and eats everyone. Awesome. A whale.
Finally something's gonna emerge out of the floor and blow up
99. Done.
There's appear to be some sub-terrestrial goings on.
ok this is an awkward pause imho
HAHAHHAHA After all these electronics and light show they can't even get the hydraulics to open
CANADA FUCKS IT UP AGAIN.
omg mechanical fail omg how bored does gretzky look
Mechanical Failure. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.
Freeze frame Gretzky's face just then.
SHIT SHIT SHIT
Yes, the western world is so advanced and developed. We just can't seem to operate hydraulics while the whole world is watching.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
STONEHENGE ISNT DROPPING ALERT THE LITTLE PERSON
oh wow it was shatners boner good call me
Shatner's boner didn't work.
I just CANNOT stop giggling right now I'm sorry I do feel really bad for Canada. Legit I feel bad.
china did it obvs
wtf is this i don't even
"Athletes crushed by gay show of technology"
sooooo anti climactic and awkward
Ha Ha Gretzky. Canada finally got back at you for going to LA.
Did wheelchair guy's ice boner not come up?? Of course he'd be the one to get shafted. Nice one Canada.
very wagnerian in spirit, if you ask me
Fireworks! Best part of the opening ceremony.
Christ, what a fucking mess.
They are kicking us out of ESPN Zone. Peace out, y'all.
HOLY CRAP SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMERS ARE SO EFFING HOT!
I would have been in bed by now and missed all of the epicness that was this opening ceremony if it wasn't for you all so kudos to us for the best liveblog ever
okydoky im going to bed cf updates above
good work all roy got what he came for so to speak
Scratch the fireworks. Mama and Papa B are the most entertaining so far.
good night joe biden youre fucking wicked drunk
i want to kiss you right now costas
Uh oh, Joe Biden is talking. We might be here for an hour. My cue to get out of here.
I love that they make a big deal about having 4 torch bearers all as equals lighting the cauldron and then say "jk its Wayne he rules" and give Gretzky his own parade.