| Where every month or so BYT’s newest contributor Jason scours the internets for those choice time wasting cuts and presents them here in digest form. We had too many Jason’s on board so we’re going with his cryptic and unwieldy myspace moniker “An Ironic Counterpoint To Your Sentimentality”. Actually, fuck that, it’s just going to be Ironic. Enjoy. |  |
First: A Mini-Leopard?
The Ashera Cat
http://www.lifestylepets.com/
No, to answer your question, you should not blame this little chap for Siegfried & Roy’s early retirement. He has the perfect alibi for his whereabouts on October 3, 2003, when Roy got bit: he had not yet been invented. This fine fellow is an Ashera cat, an exotic pet bred by combining an African Serval, an Asian Leopard Cat, and a domestic cat. Allegedly, he is “street legal” and will actually allow you to take him on walks. I think we should consider it a minor victory, however, if you can somehow dissuade him from eating small children.
Sure, it makes much more sense on so many levels to simply adopt an unwanted cat, and to spay and neuter cats rather than breed them. But if you’ve got $22,000 burning a proverbial hole in your proverbial pocket, and you feel the need to be the first kid on your block to own a sort of mini-leopard, feel free to order yours today from Lifestyle Pets.
Second: My Little Ponies Have Feelings, Too!
Desiree Skylark’s My Little Pony Rescue Home
http://ponyrescuehome.proboards84.com/
Yes, that is correct. This is a website devoted to “rescuing” inanimate objects to ensure that they receive adequate care. Awesome? Pathetic? Frightening? Inspired? Ms. Skylark’s website is a sort of Rorschach test for the modern age in that it has elicited such a wide variety of responses, and each person’s response tells us far more about him or her than it does about Ms. Skylark. Most find the site sort of endearing. Personally, I think that anyone willing to make a donation to support Desiree’s rescue operation should have a court-appointed guardian oversee exactly how his next paycheck gets spent. To each his own.
Third: Cats That Speak Human
Creating the Ashera was apparently not enough for the evil scientists of the world. Someone appears to be hard at work cooking up a cat that can talk human right back to her owners. Am I the only one to find this trend slightly disturbing?
And Finally: Squirrels
Apparently, you can build a sort of Rube Goldberg contraption for squirrels right in your own backyard. This would not necessarily make your new-found friends any less feral, and certainly would not qualify them as your pets, but it would seem to take them one step closer into the realm of domesticity. I predict that after several generations of squirrels, we will have them eating out of our hands and performing tricks for us at children’s birthday parties.
Like this motherfucker wasn’t already all over the internet now you’re letting him post here as well?
I’m on MySpace, he gets on MySpace. I go to the Black Cat, he goes to the Black Cat. I write for BYT, he writes for BYT.
September 20, 2007 at 12:41 pmYes, and this is the weekend that I will introduce my black cowboy hat to the world.
September 20, 2007 at 12:57 pmOh shut up and post some pictures of kittens or something.
September 20, 2007 at 1:13 pmI don’t understand why I can’t have my own BYT article, under the pseudonym of my Myspace display name. Does it have something to do with the fact that I change my display name every 5 minutes while “working”? Myspace is a cruel mistress…Ironic makes it a “cool” one. No points for that “joke,” or for overuse of quotation marks.
September 20, 2007 at 1:46 pmI would just like to say that my only gut reaction to this column is fear. Of things to come.
September 20, 2007 at 1:57 pmI’m a wee bit afraid of my My Little Pony nostalgia. Please let the next Ironic article be about hunky men that we used to love…a la He Man.
September 20, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Don’t worry, Sveta. In the words of Bryan Adams, (Everything I Do) I Do It For You.
September 20, 2007 at 3:18 pmboo
vom
that kind of song reference is only acceptable at Crap night
consider yourself henceforth banish-ed
He only knows that song because he has a boner for Kevin Costner in tights.
September 20, 2007 at 3:32 pmI
September 20, 2007 at 4:31 pmDon’t worry, Lily, (Every Song I Cite) I Cite Ironically.
And Michael is thinking of Mel Brooks’ Men In Tights. The director intentionally banished tights in the Prince of Thieves production. Both movies were horrible, of course. You need to wear tights without any sense of irony if you are going to make a proper Robin Hood picture.
September 20, 2007 at 11:19 pmI want to see a My Little Pony Rescue Home For Wayward Ponies where MLPs who’ve been naughty with My Big Ass Stallions have to go. That would warrant donations.
September 21, 2007 at 1:01 amIronic is AMAZINGLY tall. Or am I amazingly short? Humm, perhaps it’s a combination of the two.
September 21, 2007 at 10:04 amSpeaking of “Prince of Thieves,” or were we speaking of that film? Where was Kevin Costner’s accent? It, along with the tights, was apparently banished. I guess if I wanted to link The Costner to this article; I would hope that someday I can have my very own Costner pet. If you clone him, he will sit/stay/beg/rollover.
September 21, 2007 at 10:10 amIronic *is* amazingly tall, But of course, us pugs are also very short!
September 21, 2007 at 10:24 amThe Mission Impossible music added to the squirrel’s quest through the man made obsticle course is by far my favorite. There need to be more rodents performing to music in the world……Oh, we had The Chipmunks and Chip and Dale. Well then maybe more action hero rodents….No wait we had Mighty Mouse and Danger Mouse………nevermind.
September 21, 2007 at 10:30 amIsaac, you, my friend, are the perfect height. I happen to be a mutant. And I do believe that you turned me on to Ms. Skylark before anyone else. All credit goes to you, my brotha.
September 21, 2007 at 10:46 ami’m sure i’ll regret admitting this
but the My Little Pony theme song always made me cry
when i was 7 or 8, maybe because i usually caught the show during the end credits, didn’t get home from school in time to watch it often enough
or maybe it was the line: “i’ll be there right by your side”
when you’re an only child and the product of divorced parents, that kind of stuff really tugs at your heartstrings
i know, i know
i’ve now entered the world of 80’s emo nostalgia
you don’t want to hear about how i lived my love life vicariously through Jem using only my imagination until my first kiss in middle school
You’ll always be Brando Calrissian to me…
September 21, 2007 at 10:48 amGo here for dreadful My Little Pony HELLLL!!!
http://www.hasbro.com/mylittlepony/
Personally…I think it would be great if someone made Monchichi’s real pets. Now that would be something worth investing in. I would carry mine around in my purse with me…and take the little guy everywhere.
September 21, 2007 at 11:16 amOMG STFU! a street-walking kitty that eats small children. I must have it! I will be the kid living on the block to pay for that thing!
September 21, 2007 at 11:42 amYes, it’s a street-walking mini-leopard with a heart full of napalm. Order yours today!
September 21, 2007 at 11:55 amBut isn’t it a bit fascinating to imagine how, exactly, the overpriced ashera cat came to be? Was it engineered? Organic?
Either way, it comes with a 10 year subscription to an animal behaviorist. This alone is at least worth 12,000.
This is awesome. You are now an offical part of the internets!
And I have another place to go to AVOID WORKING AT ALL COSTS!
September 27, 2007 at 4:15 pm
I’m a huge Ironic fan, from his work on myspace… this entry is brilliant, and yes, that cat is so freakin’ creepy, I had to hear it twice.
It reminds me of when I was a kid listening to the church’s backward masking take on Hotel California.
I swear at the end there, the cat clearly says “I’m so alone.”
I will stick with my Maggie’s constant bbbrrrrr-reow, bbbrrrrr-reow. Of course, she’s just a shelter cat, so what can I expect?
September 20, 2007 at 12:31 pm