BrightestYoungThings: Iceland: An Open Letter to the Police Protagonist "Roxanne"

Dearest Roxanne:

I understand that you are the prostitute protagonist of a popular Police song released in 1978. Despite the advice of Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner (a.k.a. "Sting," the Police's main lyricist), I write to suggest that, in these trying economic times, you again consider turning on the red light and selling your body to the night.

As you may be aware, the nonprofit National Bureau of Economic Research announced this week that the U.S. economy has been in recession since December 2007. As unemployment increases, the DOW Industrial Average plummets, GDP stagnates, the national debt tops $10 trillion, foreclosure rates skyrocket, the U.S. auto industry teeters, and deflationary pressure fails to lower food prices despite dramatic drops in the price of oil, economically-marginalized individuals like yourself may find the decision to perpetuate victimless crimes (i.e. prostitution, the world's "oldest profession") income-positive despite the exhortations of blonde, spiky-haired English bassists who abandon over-polished, but undeniably compelling new-wave aesthetics for tedious adult-contemporary soundtrack work. In fact, both neoclassical and Marxist economists would agree that Mr. Sumner's lyrical advice to you in the following lines is particularly suspect:

Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right

While neoclassical economists do not recognize Immanuel Kant's categorical imperative in your choice to sell yourself - i.e., would not argue that you, as a free agent in the open market, "have to wear that dress tonight" - Adam Smith could not overlook the transactional logic of your decision to offer sexual services to the paying public according to the laws of supply and demand at a market-clearing price, and her objectivist majesty Ayn Rand would applaud your steadfast refusal to bow to Judeo-Christian morality (i.e., not "care if it's wrong or if it's right") when charging a "ground-rent," however exorbitant, for your body. Meanwhile, any schoolyard Marxist would memorialize you as another victim of the (a)historical war between Capital and Labour, a "Womyn" who cannot be the master of her own "Herstory" whilst the unmitigated power of the landed bourgeois extorts yet another dollar of surplus-value ("Walk to the streets for money") from the subjugated Masses until, at long last and not a moment too soon, Capital's House of Cards collapses.

Roxanne (may I call you Roxanne?) remember: as a lady of the night, you are either a respectable, profit-taking entrepreneur or a victim of Hegel's dialectical materialism. Either way, prostitution offers a viable income stream, and History absolves you. Before you cower before Mr. Sumner and his childish refusal "not to share you with another boy," ask him: "Are you going to put food on this table? Will you support me with royalties from your appearances in Quadrophenia and Dune? What have you, an Anglo-Saxon sensualist, Jungian, and of practitioner of Kundalini yoga, done for me lately?"

I eagerly await the reply of this short, wrinkly man - this alleged law-enforcement officer.

Yours in struggle,

Edie Sedgwick

Edie Sedgwick plays the Black Cat on Wednesday (12/3/2008) night.

Previously on Iceland...

Brightest Young Things

Misc/Awesome

Iceland: An Open Letter to the Police Protagonist "Roxanne"

SUNDAY 6/10

Foster The People w/ The Kooks @ Merriweather Post Pavilion

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

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Edie Sedgwick!