How To Blow Your Stimulus Check

June 18, 2008 by Libby  Send to a Friend

Q: Why did The Gov send you that stimulus check?

A: Because they want you to spend it on crap to stimulate our crappy economy. The more money you have to spend, the more likely you are to spend it on total crap, and crap has higher profit margins than necessities. Though many said they were going to use their tax rebates towards the rising costs of necessities (like FOOD and GAS), Americans opted to cruise on over to Best Buy to spend their money.

Since we are proving to live up to our reputation as citizen-consumers, I have rounded up the best crap you could possibly buy with your stimulus check–all expensive, unnecessary, and awesome. Let’s do what the government wants us to do: MAKE IT RAIN!!!

Recommended reading:

FAQs stimulus check, Schedule of payment, See how others spent their stimulus.

PLEASE, feel free to leave us a comment about how you spent or plan to spend all of your do-re-mi.

Crap You can Buy With Your Stimulus $

• You can listen to your ipod on the toilet for $229!

• You can get the ESPN Ultimate Remote for $300! Specs: “Wi-Fi connectivity for “location-free” setup, a 2.2″QVGA display for menu navigation, on-screen TV listings, real-time sports updates (from ESPN, of course), and weather updates, text messaging, and more.”

• You can get a ridiculous gaming device! Bid on this champange gold PSP for $274 or purchase the gold Russell Simmons Baby Phat PSP (below) for $35,000!!

• You can turn your home into level one of Super Mario Brothers with these wall decals for $75!

• You can get a table inspired by the movie Alien for between $300- $4,000!

• You can get The Beerbelly to help you smuggle beer/vodka drink into Fort Reno for $49.95

• You can get a cool retainer necklace for $300!

• You can be ready to smoke emergency hookah with the HoboHookah,”the first hookah made to party” that turns any empty liquor bottle into an instant hookah for $59.99!

Check out the super cool dudes who invented it below!

• You can get tickets to both days of Virgin Fest for $175! *this is total crap

• You can be an astronaut! Thank god NASA is desperate for cash and has created the Astronaut Training Experience (ATX) at Kennedy Space Center. For $250.00 you get a personalized ATX shirt, “training” and lunch with an astronaut! (not crap)

• You can get this nerdy laptop case for $40! (also comes in Keytar)

• You can get a season pass for BUSCH GARDENS: Europe in Williamsburg for $124.95!

You Can Throw A Stimulus $ Pool Party

• You can get Frontgate’s Monogrammed Pool Chaise for $275.

• And because Frontgate anticipates all of your needs…. You can get a pool float for your dog for $89- $129 (depending on the size of your pony)!

• You can get yourself the Excalibur Radio Controlled Pool Drink Caddy for $39.99 and be as worthless a human being as possible!

• You can get a LapDome for $79.95 and be the type of person who works on their laptop poolside!

• Serious advice: Ladies, there is really only one thing to do with that stimulus check (if you decide to go all out and just blow it impulsively)… BUY YOURSELF A PUCCI BIKINI or One Piece at Net-A-Porter for the pool. (not crap)

Also…

• If you don’t spend all of your money you can keep the rest in this bread safe for $99!

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