Read it and weep with joy: "Newly developed techniques could make cloning Neanderthal cells or body parts a reality within a few years."
That's right, in due time scientists are going to fully sequence the genetic code of a Neanderthal woman who died in Croatia's Vindija cave 30,000 years ago.
The question: Should we clone Neanderthals?
The answer: Yes.
Aside from all the medical advancements that could be made by studying and testing DNA that is sooo similar to our own homo sapien sapien DNA, think about all of the cool cultural advancements that could be achieved if we clone an entire Neanderthal and raise it in modern society.
Cool Things That Would Happen Once We Clone Neanderthals:
- Neanderthals have a gene associated with language ability which means cool new noises and slang to co-opt.
- In order to study the possible breeding of homo sapiens and Neanderthals, volunteers would be needed for interspecies sex.
- In order to find out the exact competitive advantage homo sapiens had over Neanderthals we'd have to organize a series of extreme challenges which we will totally air on television.
Not Cool Things That Would Happen Once We Clone Neanderthals:
- Neanderthals have a unique gene for pale skin and red hair which means if things got out of control there would be a lot more gingers running around.
- Neanderthals reach physical maturity at age 15 and have shorter life spans posing a problem for age of consent laws across the nation.
- Neanderthals also have trouble metabolizing alcohol which means that they'd get drunk really easily- which would be cool if they weren't prone to cannibalism and really good at close up hunting of big game.
Aside from those few downsides- which aren't really that bad if we set up some new laws and socialize Neanderthals correctly, I am all for meeting my closest genetic relative. Especially if it eventually allows any aspect of these movies to actually happen:
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TOTALLY AWESOME & REALISTIC SCENARIOS
Previously in Misc/Awesome:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
- 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
- 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
- 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
- 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
- 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
- 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
God loves a cheerful giver.
Geico is so ahead of the game.
There is some serious Harry and the Hendersons action on BYT today.
PS. chimpanzes have 96% similar DNA to homo sapiens yet we murder them on a regular basis. do your part and become a jane goodall chimp guardian here: http://www.janegoodall.org/chimp-guardian
Counterpoint:
-- If Neanderthals are anything like Brendon Fraser, then we've already got one too many of those.
-- We see the progeny of Neanderthals all the time: hovering at the intersection of 19th & K NW after Rumors closes, in line outside any NOVA bar with the name "Clarendon" in the title, at any McFadden's in any city in the US. You can tell them by their untucked striped shirts, tribal arm-band tattoos, and love of Jerry Bruckheimer movies. They don't seem to be contributing anything to society.
-- Dr. Ian Malcolm's lesson #1: If humans and another species are seperated by millions of years of evolution and extinction, it is grossly irresponsible for humans to use their sciencey powers to bring back anything the earth has tried so hard to get rid of. ***If we were gonna clone anything it should be narwhals, nature's real life unicorns! ***
-- with a looming zombie-acalypse just off the horizon, we shouldn't be INCREASING the number of natural predators for the human race.
-- Isn't the job market competitive enough as it is? And have you ever smelled wet livestock? Just imagine that smell but on the metro or in a cramped elevator on your way up to the office on a rainy day. I'd rather work next to an alpaca, they're cuter.
frreakin hilarious bro
the brendan fraser backlash on byt continues, i see
i had teachers in high school who would call me 'encino man' bc i was hairy.
i will totally a pwn a neanderthal
I don't care what you say. Despite impaired speech, neanderthals are not excluded from my Redheads I Love list. Also I'm pretty sure you could just clone Chris Klein and come to the same genetic conclusions.