Bob Saget needs no introduction. The man raised the Olsen twins before our very eyes, powered though millions of America’s Funniest Home Videos, is leading you through “How I met Your Mother” and told the dirtiest Aristocrats joke you’ve ever heard and somehow survived. So, needless to say, when we found out he is coming to DC and Warner Theater this Friday (with his non-family friendly stand-up act) we were all over the opportunity to interview him. What follows is talk of Kimmy Gibbler, Britney Spears and, yes, his penis.
Avert your virgin eyes now.

XOXO

Referencing your act, were you always this perverted or did years of family-friendly television drive you to this point?
My dad was this very odd guy who thought that they funniest stuff you could do were things to break the tension of bad situations. I became his audience. He would pick up the paper and say things like “I can’t read this Bob. Does it say the guy shot himself or shit himself?”

So, you’ve been like this for awhile? Yeah, I love doing it. I’ve always had an affinity for any performer who can’t stop doing it because they love it so much. I was thinking about that last night. I went to go see The Police and Elvis Costello and I’m a huge Costello fan of the rabid dog nature. For me, going to the Warner Theatre is like Costello playing to 18,000 at the Hollywood Bowl. I can’t wait to get there, to get on stage and perform. I haven’t done my stand up in a few weeks, so I can’t wait.. I’ve been focused instead on being a father and a boyfriend…but not to the same person. I think that’s important and is the crux of the advice I would give to the kids right now: Don’t try to be a father and boyfriend to the same person. You wouldn’t believe the weird crap people do. A few months ago, I was talking about the idea of some guy screwing a picnic table. Then recently, I saw that a guy was arrested twice for doing the same table. It was just laying there out in the open with its hole exposed, so I guess it was asking for it.

So, do you think it was your act who inspired the guy to act?

No, the table brought it on. The table lured him in. And, a lot of times I think people would say that ‘no, it was the guy who did that’, but it takes two in a relationship.

Whats the level of negative reactions you get from fans turning out to see Danny Tanner instead of your filthy stand-up?

Not much anymore. A few weeks ago I had a guy bring his mom to the show and sit her right in the front row. I think she had something wrong with the muscles in her face where she couldn’t smile - either that or she expected me to bring out a vacuum and start dust busting on stage. The thing was, he was so excited to share the show with her, but I just kept apologizing and asking if she wanted to leave. I felt like a nine-year-old kid in school who gets busted by the teacher for doing stuff. But usually, I can just keep going.

You’re doing the narration now for How I Met Your Mother. Do you have any interaction with the cast of the show, or do you just phone it in?

I’ve known a bunch of the cast for awhile, but I just go in there every once in awhile to record. The last time, Britney Spears happened to be there shooting her guest role.

Did she just “happen” to be there, or did you make sure to be there when she was shooting?

No. If I really want to see her I’ll just go to a club at 2:00 in the morning and look for the SUV in front with the kids in it. I love that show since I first read the scripts and I’ve known Neil Patrick Harris since he was on Doogie Howser, MD and I was on Full House, which were both on ABC around the same time.

Do you think that Doogie or Danny is the bigger late-80’s/early-90’s tv icon?

Well, the other day my daughter was complaining that her laptop was dirty. I told her to go get some Purell and clean it down. She looked at me and said “What are you ‘Danny Tanner’?” I told her to never mention that name in my house. To me, that’s like cursing.

So, is that role one you would rather forget?

No, we just joke about it. I couldn’t do it now. At the time I was 30-years-old and a type of guy who could play a cheerleader part like that. I don’t hate Full House or America’s Funniest Home Videos. There’s value in them.

So, you didn’t have to cry yourself to sleep each time you recorded AFV?

That show was weird because I would have liked to have done it a different way. But, it was also a gift and if I don’t look at it as one, then I’m an idiot. If you have a number one show and go out and complain about it, then you’re a moron. The jokes were good for what they were, but I wrote it with two Canadian guys so the show suffered. I always have a Canadian, or two, on whatever I do though. I like them very much.

In your opinion, what could be the most inappropriate Olsen Twin question I could ask you?

Probably any question that has their name in it. They’re actually truly people I love and care about. Usually its dj’s morning radio program who like to talk about them and say jokes that are more offensive that they think I would laugh at. Its like asking about my kids, because I think of them like my daughters.

Is the name “Kimmy Gibbler” a safe subject?

“Kimmy Gibler” is fairly in international waters. I did a show a few weeks ago in Andrea’s (who played Gibbler) hometown and I left her a message asking if she wanted to come to the show and get harassed. She called back to say that she was in Hawaii, otherwise she would have love to come to tell me to fuck off.

Its a name that shouldn’t be wasted. If we were to further coin it, would you rather see “Kimmy Gibler” used as a name of a band, a cocktail or a sex act?
Whatever it is, it sounds like something you used to stuff a turkey at Thanksgiving.

Which, I guess, could be a sex act.
Well, a “Kimmy” probably does have something to do with the opening of a turkey. There are bands called everything you can think of from Full House. That show has spawned multiple urban legends.

Do you have a favorite urban legend from the show?
I try to make up all the ones we have.

Like editing your own Wikipedia entry?
Wikipedia is the devil’s work. It says I grew up in Lexington, Virginia but I grew up in Norfolk.

You were a Jew growing up in southern Virginia? Yeah. In Norfolk there were a good number of Jewish people, but there were also people who thought they had never seen a Jew. Some could be racist. There was one time when I had my head checked for horns by a girl at school because that’s where she heard we kept our horns. You eventually went to college in Philadelphia and spent a lot of time there. What do you like to do when you go back? There are great restaurants there. I like to be a foodie, and go to the Liberty Bell and sexually abuse the crack. There’s nothing wrong with touching all the parts of famous places. I love the shape of the monuments in DC. Again, it goes back to that guy and the picnic table. Both the table and the bell have a crack in them. I didn’t put it there and its kind of hard not to use it.

In referencing the blue nature of your stand up act, when you come to DC who would you rather bang over a chair - Condoleeza Rice, Nancy Pelosi or Laura Bush?
That’s an offensive question because there is only one of me to go around. They would read something like that and then they would know I’m not available to all of them. If I did one, I would make the other two jealous.

If your penis was a car, what type of make and model would the girls be riding?
A Hummer.

Why is that?
I can seat twelve. Yeah, that’s not an offensive question to me. That’s just a question. However, I would rather like to think of it as the stem of a totem pole.

Are these types of questions more reflective of your stand-up persona than you?
Well, its part of me. I try to be cautionary too and tell the kids not to do weird things with animals. I look at my material about that like a public service. There are people out there doing outrageous things to critters. I’m helping people, I am. I’m trying to reach them before they do something damaging to some little squirrel or varmint.
I mean, you look on the web and there will be a guy putting a firecracker up his ass.

Don’t you feel a bit responsible, or at least inspirational, for that? It was your show that created our national YouTube type hunger.
If I owned that show I would be responsible. Even America’s Funniest Home Video’s didn’t run porn, and for the most part YouTube doesn’t either. I’ve looked for it on there and its not there.

You have to go to XTube for that.
What’s that? You might not want to end the interview there or you might come off looking like a porn monger.

I might change the name in the byline.
Change it to “An interview by Jimmy Gibler”.

Bob Saget
Warner Theatre
Friday, June 6, 2008
8:00pm

Tickets: $37.50 and available at www.WarnerTheatre.com

For more information on Bob Saget, visit: www.BobSaget.com

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