Recently some friends of mine who live in a creepy ramshackle townhouse in Northeast have come into possession of this mysterious old Ouija board. It is made of redwood and covered in occult runes that some say used to be viable economic formulas. They play a lot of video games, and they discovered that when they did so in front of the board, it would spell out discerning and mildly offensive reviews of the products, leading them to believe they were in direct communication with the sexless spirit of the Queen of Selfishness herself!
That's enough backstory, right? On to the review:
De Anima: Modern Warfare 2
Whom to buy it for:
- Readers of Reason Magazine
- Evangelical MMA Fighters
- Curious Peace Studies Majors at George Mason
- SAIS Students who read Jane's like it's Chuck Klosterman
- Your Tom Clancy-reading Stepdad
Modern Warfare 2 (MW2) is the second installment of the first person shooter Special Forces analogue of the EA Sports series (e.g. John Madden Football 199x-201x), and a perennial money maker for game companies. The series, which appeals to an amazingly broad spectrum of gamers, essentially consists of the wholesale slaughter of diverse--if somewhat predictable--foes using a satisfying range of weaponry. MW2's comprehensive playtesting is evident from its addictive and satisfying pace, and its stellar graphics likely approach the ceiling of current consoles. Tacted-out assault rifles--like the ones you admire on Blue Ridge Arsenal's website while at work--are beautifully rendered and complemented by a suitably violent soundtrack. (Though, you might want to invest in a good set of headphones to avoid waking the neighbors when you're slaughtering Russians on the White House lawn at 2am.)
The story is irrelevant (I'd say retarded) and is essentially an outrageously implausible serialization of action scenes of our childhood. It is pleasingly familiar to the children of the 1980s--particularly those who grew up reading Red Storm Rising with a flashlight under the covers while their parents fought the Cold War in the kitchen. Ayn Rand would be relieved that fascist Russians are indeed the West's 21st Century adversary and that killing them is as morally inconsequential as knocking off mad Arabs or necromancing Nazis. The game certainly lacks anything approaching a mature ethic and is guaranteed to piss off your girlfriend. It has the torture vignettes and 'at all costs' "morality" you'd expect from a company that believes its audience is educated by 24 and enjoyed jerking off to Fox's coverage of the Iraq War.
Whether intentional or not, MW2 is the best kind of video game porno: it's all about visual stimulation, male domination (not a single female character in the game), and timing. MW2 makes you cum at all the right times. Over and over again.
All words: Rand Corpse
Previously in Misc/Awesome:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
- 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
- 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
- 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
- 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
- 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
- 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
God loves a cheerful giver.
I think their politics are a bit more complicated than you give them credit for. They're trying to actually get across a little bit of the hell of war, I think partially by bringing the war home, and also with the intensity of a lot of the battle scenes.
One scene in particular that struck me was when you have to drop down the side of a cliff and break a soldiers neck. He looks you in the eyes while he dies. It was a surprising moment and surprisingly affective.
That didn't sound like anything Rand ever said or ever would say.
yeah no shit tom its Ayn Rand's GHOST!!! BOOOOOOO
Ayn Rand would have played Metal Gear Solid and spent the entire time screaming, "Snake, but what are your PREMISES?!"
@empath: The recognition of death doesn't make it anymore cheaply rendered. That sounds more like a memento mori being delivered to you as a commodity than as a serious reflection on war and death.
Maybe someone who knows how to write should take over....
Why, Ernest?
Ayn Rand's published pre-death prose was prosaic, a collection of redundantly recurrent regurgitations repeatedly rewritten with increasingly exiguous profundity. That so many trees were sacrificed, and so much ink spilt, to promulgate the intellectual oleo she cogitated is tragic.
Death seems only to have improved her writing ability.
i have to confess i was too busy reading the gorgias and baldur's gate ii strategy guides in college to bother dipping my toes into rand's dense, moist, corpus--but that bitch won't stop telling me to write reviews! who knew her cursed ghost lived in Trinidad?