Brightest Young Things

When I, Ayn Rand, Greatest Author of ANY century, and father mother of the revolutionary brilliant political philosophy of Objectivism rise up along with my master Satan and take my rightful place as the prince of greed as the savior of individuals my first act as the left hand of Beelzebub muse of Commerce will be to bring Bioware games into my massive steel-enforced womb office and ask them why they think that acting in their own best interest is so terrible?

Dragon Age: Origins, or as I like to call it: Neverwinter Nights 3: The Search for A Larger Development Budget is an Role Playing Game, based on the Dungeons and Dragons system (or blatantly ripped off) and includes a wide cast of characters. The basic story is the same one you've been playing for years. There is an evil force, and only you can save the world from it. In one slight twist, rather than fighting it all on your own, or building an elite force to lead into battle, you, Lord of the Rings style, rally the races of the world to give you their armies, and lead them into combat. On the way you solve problems, complete quests and (wait for it) are presented with a series of ethical choices! Just like every Bioware game you've played in the past decade.

Don't get me wrong, the game is as good as you would expect. The graphics are great; the fireworks/magic are suitably impressive and regular combat is full of little animations that show real polish. My character, a rugged Objectivist individual human soldier, routinely performs some rewarding finishing move upon eliminating an enemies hit-points. It shows just how much work they actually put into the game. The overarching story, though derivative, is full of novel subplots and interesting twists, with you battling your way through a wide variety of surroundings and against a full menagerie of enemies. The method by which you develop your character's skills and magical abilities is equally well fleshed...

Hey, can I interest you in my opinion on the DLC content available for Dragon Age? If you’d like to read it, that will only cost $5. Click here to pay for more content!

See how fucking annoying that was? There you are, reading a video game review by the great Ayn Rand and all of a sudden you run into a fucking in-review advertisement for more available content. Get. Fucking. Used to it. So Dragon Age is an RPG, right? You're supposed to get immersed into your character and run around really identifying with them and getting emotionally involved, etc etc, right? So why the fuck would you include in-game ads for DLC? (ed: that's DownLoadable Content for us non-zombie libertarians.) How is my Elf Mage supposed to react when a wandering merchant tries to charge him in United States Dollars, and not Gold Pieces? Hey assholes, I paid for the whole fucking game, maybe you should sell me the whole fucking game.

There is nothing wrong with DLC, or add-on content. If you create a great game and then come up with some more stuff later, that's awesome. But don't sell some gimped up version of the game at the beginning, and then ruin the experience by bugging me in the game itself. Fuck. That.

The other thing that I, Ayn Rand, dislike about the game is the way it is so black and white with the ethical choices. I am an Objectivist. I help myself first and I don't think I should be penalized because I make the choices that are the best for me, as an individual. If I will prosper more under the proto-free market system proposed by the arch-demon, why can't I side with him against the “free” people and their primitive feudalistic economic system?

At the end of the day, its a really solid RPG, and if you can get past the annoyingly simplistic ethical decisions (although there are a few good ones in there) and the barrage of DLC advertisements, you should totally pick it up. But only for the PC and not for the PS3 or XBOX. Oh, and you can bone your fellow adventurer, so you've got that going for you.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwlalS7C7ZQ

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Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
• 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)