Brightest Young Things

Dearest Mr. Rose:

I understand that you are the frontman of the popular rock and roll group Guns N' Roses (1985-present). As a fan of songs like "November Rain," "Don't Cry," and your cover of Wings' "Live and Let Die," I write to object to the release of your long-delayed record Chinese Democracy (Geffen, 2008).

As articulated in your breakthrough 1987 composition "Welcome to the Jungle," you are the Junglemaster whose world is filled with "fun and games." Though you have access to "everything [we] want" and "know the name," you have restricted access to your hard-rockin' aesthetics since 1993's forgettable The Spaghetti Incident? As you explained in an open letter to your fans dated Dec. 14, 2006:

...[t]o say the making of [Chinese Democracy] has been an unbearably long and incomprehensible journey would be an understatement. Overcoming the endless and seemingly insane amount [sic] of obstacles faced by all involved, notwithstanding [sic] the emotional challenges endured by everyone -- the fans, the band, our road crew and business team -- has at many times seemed like a bad dream in which [sic] one wakes up only to find that they are still in the nightmare.

We in the civil rights community have a popular saying: "Justice delayed is justice denied." But, unlike Martin Luther King, Jr. or Nelson Mandela, you are not in the business of producing justice, but auditory pleasure. As fans of softcore pornography and/or the sensual writings of Anne Rice can attest, pleasure delayed is not pleasure denied, but pleasure enhanced. Thus, what you perceive as a "nightmare" (your inability to release Chinese Democracy for reasons related to your psychotheraphy and/or the hiring of Primus collaborator Buckethead) is, to your fans, part of that sweet tension between Eros (the libido) and Thanatos (the death instinct) outlined by Sigmund Freud in 1920's Beyond the Pleasure Principle. Herr Freud would be the first to point out that your fans want to want Chinese Democracy - to speculate about possible release dates and the contributions of American visionary artist Sebastian Bach - but they do not actually want to hear it. Now that the record has been released, you face the same unanswerable question that troubled the 2005 and 2008 Boston Red Sox: "Now what?" Of course, the Red Sox can always win (or, without the contributions of power hitter Manny Ramirez and "Big Papi" David Ortiz, try to win) another pennant. But, Mr. Rose - you are a 46-year old man who, though still devastatingly handsome, sports white dreads and a harbors a weakness for power ballads. What World Series can you possibly win now?

I encourage you to immediately accuse Geffen or releasing an unauthorized version of Chinese Democracy, and, without specifying a date, begin hyping the future release of your true masterpiece - The Real Chinese Democracy.

Yours in struggle,

Edie Sedgwick

Edie Sedgwick, who is no longer on tour, plays the Black Cat on December 3 with Gestures and Big Gold Belt.

Previously on Iceland...

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
• 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)