Dearest President Nguyen Minh Triet:
I understand that you are current leader of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam. Though my country lost the Vietnam War (1959-1975) to your country, I write to challenge you - at any place, at any time, and with any weapons - to a rematch.
As you may know, American involvement in Vietnam ended when the North Vietnamese Army overran the U.S. embassy in Hanoi during Richard Nixon's second term. Though my nation outmatched your nation's GDP, military budget, population, and even scored more kills on the battlefield, our inexplicable refusal to invade North Vietnam and homefront anti-war agitation by gun-shy Woodstock hippies prevented our inevitable victory. However, our Iraq surge strategy proves that we are now ready, willing, and able to attack anyone at any time for any reason. Thus, I feel that a "do over" of the Vietnam War fought by a new generation of Americans - trigger-happy digital natives raised on video combat simulators like Duck Hunt and N.A.R.C. - is in order, and that the U.S.A. will, given a second chance, successfully invade your country, remove you from power, and, finally, bring democracy to the former North Vietnam.
Perhaps you are reluctant to replay a conflict that cost your nation 2,000,000 lives. I do not doubt that you consider being napalmed a major bummer. However, know this: though you won the Vietnam War, many Americans still consider your country a nation of pussies. In American Vietnam films - Platoon (1986), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Casualties of War (1989), et cetera - Vietnamese are, as often as not, depicted as ignorant, bumbling villagers helpless in the face of My Lai-style massacre by healthy, capitalist Yanks. Remember Nick Ut's Pulitzer Prize-winning photo of the young naked fleeing villager? Is that what you want the world to think of you? I encourage you to accept my challenge and re-fight the Vietnam War on our terms as soon as possible.
I triple dawg-dare you! Don't be a pussy. Let's do this.
Yours in struggle,
Edie Sedgwick
Edie Sedgwick, who is on tour, plays Dallas, TX tonight.
Previously in Misc/Awesome:
- 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
- 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
- 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
- 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
- 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
- 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
- 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
- 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
- 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
- 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)
God loves a cheerful giver.
wtf?
yeah, wtf?
As a Vietnamese American, I would also like to say what the fuck?
Why not go a step beyond "WTF" and say it's offensive. To make light of a war which killed and maimed millions of Vietnamese and thousands of Americans is in poor taste. I really can't stand the hipster sense of humor. The idea that it's totally OK lampoon something as foul and inhumane as war is an offense to those of us who have family and friends who've lived through conflict.
How trite. There is nothing redeeming about this post whatsoever. This is neither funny, nor entertaining.
Man Patrick you must have such an awesome view from the moral high ground. Please come down and enlighten us of what a true sense of humor is.
Patrick's post x 2.
I'm sincerely hoping that this is just a horrible attempt at satire, because at least then it would explain this crap. I'm really getting sick of these open letters from Iceland trying to prove how insightful and witty he is. This is what happens when you give a digital soapbox to an average person with an over-estimated sense of their own voice.
yeah, seriously. these posts were never good and continue to just get worse. this crap belongs on a personal blog, not on a site where people might actually read it.
i don't thing this thing pushes any real buttons. It's actually very safe, that's what makes it truly terrible. I mean, those people who go to funerals and say that God hates America because of gays, those people are far edgier than this. And they mean it. This is half in the water. Come on man, don't be afraid to swim.
I think we should all do ourselves a favor and NOT leave any comments on any of his posts. Kind of like the open letter to the word "cunt." Just ignore his ass.
Don't even dignify this shit.
Shit, I have to push my gay-hating, God-loving agenda on dead people just to be considered edgy now? I remember when it was enough to attend the occasional underwear party and watch Top Chef Season 5.
Your chief defect, Edie-Jason-Justin, is the propensity to take yourself too seriously. That’s why, in part, you suck. In addition, someone should introduce you to real sex. Yes, with another person. I know, I know…. Pay if you must. You’ll improve immensely.