Brightest Young Things

Dearest Governor Rod R. Blagojevich (D-Ill.):

I understand that you have been arrested on conspiracy and bribery charges for your alleged attempts to sell President-Elect Barack Obama's recently-vacated Senate seat. I write to inquire if Mr. Obama's seat is still available, and, if it is, make the following offer for the position: a negotiable amount of my lifetime earnings as a musician, philosopher, and aesthetic visionary plus the pleasure of my company at a intimate dinner at the restaurant of your choice.

Though Ellot "P." Ness's F.B.I. might think otherwise, I view your decision to sell Mr. Obama's seat to the highest-bidder as nothing more than the eschatological fulfillment of capitalism's promise: one man (in this case, a strikingly handsome, hard-featured, Serbian-American legislator sporting a mighty coif of jet-black hair) offering an in-demand product (in this case, a well-populated state's vote in an American legislative body created by Article One of our Constitution) for sale on the open market to the highest bidder. Though a number of better-known, better-qualified individuals are vying to be that highest bidder (including the disappointingly short Jesse Jackson, Jr.), I believe that the unique nature of my bid - again, a negotiable amount of my lifetime earnings as a artist plus a very intimate tete a tete at the restaurant of your choice far away from your troublesome constituents, your tiresome wife, and the whirring tape machines of US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald - will receive due consideration.

Governor Blagojevich (D-Ill.), I can only imagine your response to my offer:"Your unbridled enthusiasm is impressive, Ms. Sedgwick," you might say, "but you have no experience in government service, are not trained in the making and/or execution of laws, and are not even a resident of the State of Illinois. Not only that, but your quarterly record sales between 1999-2008 are quite unimpressive, as are your miniscule licensing revenues, the small guarantees you command for performances (when you can secure a guarantee!), and your decidedly under-the-radar Q rating. When I last checked, you did not even have a booking agent! You offer 'a negotiable amount' of your 'lifetime earnings as a musician, philosopher, and aesthetic visionary,' but how can I, a conscientious Serbian-American executive, be sure that you have any money to put where your mouth is? And, in re: dinner with you - exactly what kind of dinner are we talking about?"

I cannot tell a lie, Governor Blagojevich (D-Ill.): I am but a wayward, blonde pauper. This morning, in my unheated apartment, I smeared borrowed mascara across my long lashes before eating half a bowl of cold oatmeal for breakfast. In fact, the outdated Tangerine IMAC on which I write these words may be repossessed at any time. Though I am a revolutionary artist, any percentage of my lifetime earnings as a musician, philosopher, and aesthetic visionary would undoubtedly amount to a small sum. However, I assure you that the pleasure of my company - again, at a very, very intimate dinner at a very, very, secluded restaurant of your choice- would more than make up for any financial shortcomings you feel handicap my bid. Oh, I do want to be Senator of the Land of Lincoln so badly! You must believe me - even when I have no money to put where my mouth is, I am quite adept at putting my mouth wherever my mouth is required!

I await your reply with parted lips.

Yours in struggle,

Edie Sedgwick

Edie Sedgwick is no longer on tour, but continues to blog for BYT, for now.

Previously on Iceland...

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
• 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)