dont wear the tee shirt of the band you are seeing? really, isnt that a bit communist and restrictive?

what if the band is super super small, and only you and a handful of people actually make it out to see their shows on a consistent basis and the tee shirt doesnt have the band’s name on it? what if you are just trying to show the band how much you love what they do? haha, what if its a tee shirt from the last tour with naked ladies and dogs’ heads and you know the exact gold lame spandex you are going to wear and you know gil would TOTALLY love it?

o wait… maybe thats just me.

carry on, carry on.

Dammit, now we’re gonna have to turn Michael’s comments into a post too.

Re: 6) Don’t continue to yell out requests if it’s obvious the band isn’t taking them
7) Don’t continue to yell out an obscure b-side request to prove that you are a super fan

The last time I saw British Sea Power I spent 3/4 of the set screaming for “Apologies to Insect Life.” The band finally capitulated and played the shit out of it.

But damn right, DO NOT wear the shirt of the band that you’re going to go see. If there’s one thing that I learned from PCU it’s that rule.

I’d add this one rule: DON’T BE LATE-TAKE A CHANCE ON THE OPENING BAND. I can’t count how many times I’ve been blown away by the opening act: Dead Meadow opening for Brian Jonestown Massacre; Black Rebel Motorcycle Club opening for Spiritualized; British Sea Power opening Interpol.

Some people are dorks–if they want to wear the tshirt of the band they are seeing–whatever, let them be. Farting on your neighbors, singing along to unsingable songs, being really tall, and dancing when there’s no room to dance/hating on people who are dancing when there is plenty of space are way worse.
Also, song requests, if a band isn’t asking for them, are just plain annoying.

What the hell is up with DC and not dancing at shows? Especially at the 9:30, recent’ish shows with no where near enough dancing there included Calexico, CSS and Thievery Corporation, it’s not a funeral people.

And to the guy at the Theivery Corporation who spent the entire night emailing on his Black Berry, “I don’t care if you’re Obama’s new personal fluffer, if email that important stay at home and definitely don’t be giving me any stink eye because I can actually enjoy myself and may even feel like dancing”.

speaking of morrissey, i was at his show a while back, sat 10 rows back, saw an idiot get man handled like a rag doll and taken off stage just for touching morrissey. i also received an unwanted 3am call from my ex shortly after. he got arrested for trying to touch morrissey and needed me to bail him out! stupid fuck. ahaha

I do get annoyed by some of these, but I think the worst offense at shows is being over uptight about whether other people are overtly singing, dancing, clapping, being tall, moshing, smelling bad or videotaping shit. Just ignore them and have a good time–or alternatively if someone bothers you that much, pour a beer over their head and punch them in the cunt. Passive aggression is so not punkrock.

cale, remember this?

the night we broke all the rules by being tall, lantern jawed, supertwinky, loud and apparently too enthusiastic about certain songs?

@Alex Vanderlay

Why would people be dancing at a Calexico show?

Massive dancing at this show:
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/live-dc/livedc-cut-copy-presets-930-club/

and this show:
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/live-dc/live-dc-chromeo-oooh-oh-930-club/

As for the Blackberry thing – I take show notes on my Blackberry when I’m reviewing a show.

@Michael
I’m cool with Morrissey being the exception. It just seems right. I’d also be cool with Morrissey wearing a Morrissey t-shirt on stage.

@pedro
Sometimes it’s impossible to ignore. Also I’m wimpy.

If you’re underage, don’t try to sneak drinks. You’re just putting the show space at a liability. Wait the year or so.

This is an awesome post. Awesome.

I agree most with the band shirt and “b sides.” Although, Cale, I think we went to see “Mission of Burma” and you actually brought a Burmese friend. That showed we were truly super fans.

Rule from a band’s perspective: when you go to see local bands, don’t pressure them to play a cover you saw them play before, we’re glad you liked it, but it loses its novelty if we do it at every fucking show.

On a related note, if you are Brock, don’t make FFFever play one part of a song for you over and over again.

Don’t as me to move in the middle of a set so you can take pictures to upload to your personal blog or flickr account. If you’re legit, show me credentials.

Billy Mitchell – would a laynard that I got in a grab bag at sxsw be enough? Or do I need to bring the porkpie with a reversed playing card in the bill labeled “Press”?

@matt – seriously, whenever I see this I just want to scream at them to go to BYT the next day to see real pics. Use your own cam to take pics of your friends at the show and pics with the band at the merch table after the show, taking a pic of the band playing on stage is like taking a pic of a monument or the grand canyon without somebody standing in front of it. Somebody has done it better already or is doing it better right then.

This probably is included in #4 but If you are a male and female enjoying a relatively crowded show together (not to be sexist but this the more commonly offensive permutation) in my experience), don’t get so heavy into drunkenly making out and swaying that you are falling all over yourselves in a too wide radius that includes other people. And control your appendages! Unless the show is packed and you’re in the front, there is no need to rest your boobs (massive though they may be) on peoples’ arms or press them into their backs. Unless you know that they like that sort of thing. Then carry on :)

michael, i had no idea that you did or had ever worked at the cat until clarence said something about it a couple weeks ago.

alexandra, THANK YOU! i’m underage, but i love the places that i go to and would never do anything to get anyone there in trouble. it’s a shame more kids don’t have that attitude.

and i’m going to forever retain my belief that if someone has left enough room in front/around them for you to get by, then it’s their fault when you get in front of them. even if you’re late. the front is supposed to be crowded and full of dancing people, touching happens, deal.

also, i didn’t read all of these, so sorry if this is a repeat, but do not set anything on the floor. don’t be retarded and bring a giant bag or huge coat and set them on the floor. i will step on it, not intentionally, but i dance at shows and lose all sense of depth perception and balance, and if you have stuffed whatever it is under the stage/bench/asked-a-bar-tender-to-put-it-behind-the-bar, this wouldn’t be a problem.

@Michael, 10:09am:
This is meant to be a post about rules to follow at shows, not a forum to make attacks on people whose behavior you don’t happen to agree with or, worse, whose looks don’t meet the undoubtedly high standard yours must set. Perhaps you should spend a little more time at the shows dancing (non-violently) and drinking (without waving money at the bartenders) instead of judging people who are having fun and not hurting anyone.

Leeza – do you frequently post your densitude online for everyone to see, or is this a rarity?

What amonst all my “attacks” was not part of the overall theme of how not to behave at a show? Wave money? Don’t do it. Take off your shirt? Don’t do it. Extending the pit to the crowd? Don’t do it. Etc.

i think it’s possible that the bobby fisher memorial just always smells.

You all need to get over it. there should be rules against this kind of post. u all suck. with every comment u all are further away from the hipster u thought u were.

i have a rule!
kill urself.

you all sound like boring old people. Fuck the rules. Misbehave. Get wasted. Get loud and dirty. Be embarrasing. Wear whatever shit you like and ignore the few music nazis around you (me including) who try to pressure you into “appropriate show behavior”. You are young – behave accordingly and have fun. Let the others deal with the rest.

if you don’t like underage kids sneaking drinks, don’t go to all ages shows.

the exception to the t-shirt rule is teenagers. buy that t-shirt, but it on in the bathroom! everyone should be encouraged to spend as much money as possible at a show, particularly on merch, particularly those with disposable income (or would you all rather they try to buy drinks?).

i’m tall. i have to stand somewhere. i try to be considerate, but that’s as far as it goes.

RIGHT YOU ARE, np! What kind of pleasures do you have in mind, btw? I’m really curious.

Yeah, tell’em, tell’em the truth, LEEZA, those fascist bastards! Right on, girls!

Speaking of fbs, Michael does give the impression he’d jump at a chance to join Volkssturm anyday, being a typical Hitlerjugend material at no glance.

Then there’s Pedro, Latin ponce, acting like a little prick he is, as always.

eddie. enough said.

Who is the other chick? On the photo at the v e r y top, I mean. She’s seems very punk rock. Kinda cute, too.

i used to get into arguments with michael the way leeza is right now, and then i met him.

and i agree with np, i mean i don’t like a lot of music, but if it gets people moving then i’m happy – even if i’m not moving.

dan, it’s not about the kids being there, it’s that they don’t have respect for the venue and haven’t thought about the fact that if they got caught, or worse the bartender unbeknown to him serves someone underage and say, i don’t know a cop sees it, the venue could get shut down, or that person could get fired.

This is very similar to an old Buddyhead post called “Rules for Audiences of Rock”

they don’t have their site up anymore so here they are:

“1) Don’t sing if you aren’t one of the dudes on stage getting paid to do it. Nobody paid their hard-earned money to hear your dorky, untalented ass sing. We came to hear the dudes on stage sing. Paying 40 bucks to go see Tool, but instead of hearing Maynard, you get the dorkus malorkus with mad zits standing next to you singing “Sober” really loudly and out of key in your ear is enough to murder mother ****ers for.

2) Also, if the singer on stage does decide to either: pass the mic around for the “sing along” song, or: motion to the audience to sing aloud at key moments, and you know beforehand that your singing ability is severely limited, you MUST waive your “sing along” rights. Leave the crowd participation parts to those that do not fall under the “musically retarded” category.

3) This is possibly the oldest rule in the book… yeah, you know what we’re talking about… don’t be THAT guy. We KNOW you like the band, that’s why you’re here, you don’t need to wear their SHIRT to their show as well.

4) Also, no wearing shirts of ex-bands either. That means no Nirvana shirts at the Foo Fighters show, no Jawbreaker shirts at the Jets to Brazil show, no Minor Threat shirts at the Fugazi show etc.

5) The “merch guy” is not your friend. In fact, all the merch guy wants to do is get through the night without having to talk to your lame ass. That means that he doesn’t want a copy of your weak ass emo band’s demo to pass along to the band. The only reason he might talk to you is because you either A) Know where to get drugs. B) Your girlfriend is hot, and by talking to you he can K.G.B. his way into her pants. C) You’re willing to pay him for the time in his life that he’s wasted listening to you talk about how much you like the band first out of print seven inch D) Know where he can get either drunk or high for free or E) He’s making fun of you. Most likely it’s E. In fact, it’s mostly E, I mean look at yourself, you’re striking up conversation with a merch jockey.

6) Dancing is ok, as long as you don’t get all fruity. Air-instruments are NOT ok. That includes: air-guitar, air-drums, air-microphone, air-keyboards, and yes even the air-bass. Don’t get me started on air-saxophone.

7) If you yell out “Play some Skynyrd”, you deserve immediate castration. This isn’t funny unless your name is either Beavis or Butthead. Shut the **** up, we all know you’ve never heard Skynard. You think Earth Crisis invented music back in 1990. Don’t give somebody another reason to stab you.

8) Don’t be the buff steakhead dudes in the Jeep blasting Radiohead as you leave (or enter) the parking lot of the Radiohead show. WE KNOW YOU LIKE THE BAND! THAT’S WHY YOU ARE AT THE ****ING SHOW CHAMP! HOW MUCH OF ONE BAND DO YOU REALLY NEED?! Actually just don’t be the four buff guys in the Jeep at the show… period. This rule applies to everybody. You don’t need to listen to the band you’re going to see on the way to seeing them.

9) Tall dudes that stand at the front of the stage should have their testicles pureed. You’re tall dumb ass, get in the back, or at least back a few rows.

10) Don’t yell songs at the band, especially if it’s not a super rare song or something. Yelling “ENTER SANDMAN” at the Metallica show is second only in retardation to drooling on yourself and walking really funny with a walker. NO **** THEY’RE GONNA PLAY ENTER SANDMAN DUDE. Keep it in your pants, they’ll get to it in the 3rd encore. Heckling is ok.

11) Anybody who utters the word MOSH PIT deserves to die.

12) Don’t take off your shirt. We know you’re sweaty dude, taking off your wife beater isn’t going to stop that.

13) Don’t be that fat lame bitch that gets crushed at the front of the stage at the barrier. Every time there’s a real big show, some grotesquely fat chick thinks it would be swell to get as close to the singer of Blink182 as possible, and that nobody else there has the same idea. 3 songs into the set, the bouncers have to pull her obese fainting ass over the barricade. Don’t be this pathetic piece of pasty lard.

14) Don’t buy those shirts in the parking lot from the dude who looks homeless… unless your idea of a good fitting shirt is about 1 foot long and 3 feet wide. Oh wait, that probably fits your fat ass perfectly.

15) No making out at shows. Get a room. Unless of course it’s a Shat show, then it’s ok.

16) People who stand outside the whole time, and never go inside to watch any of the bands should be shot in the face. Yeah bitch, we know you don’t really like the music and just use your pseudo post emo look as a social façade to hopefully get laid and ****, but your presence at shows besides annoying everybody and making it harder to move around is useless. Go home and play on the internet and revise your makeout club profile you twat.

17) Don’t be that guy who sells your zine at shows. We don’t want to hear about your boring life, let alone have to pay money to hear about it.

18) Newsflash for kids starting a new band… it doesn’t matter how many flyers you make for that first show you’re playing at that coffeehouse… if you pass this flyer out to every last ****er in front of the show, NOBODY WILL CARE AND NOBODY WILL COME. We don’t care about **** Skittle’s debut performance brah. It’s almost as if the people passing out these flyers assume that people are walking out of the show thinking, “Gee, I really don’t have anything to do at all next weekend. I wish there was some shitty show going on somewhere really out of the way with bands I’ve never ever heard of and don’t know what they sound like that I could go to.” It’s not happening bro and never will. Keep practicing.

19) No crying.

20) When there’s a brand new band that a lot of people seem real excited about that features ex members of other cool bands or something, and they don’t have any releases out yet, just a demo, or a couple mp3’s on their website or something, don’t be the jackass at the front of the stage singing all the words. Yeah, yeah, we know you’re the geeky super fan who likes these guys way more than everybody else. Just stop it cos you’re making everybody want to vomit with your over apparent super fan enthusiasm.

21) “M oshers” who lose shoes, keys, wallets, etc. and then stop their kung fu fighting to try and look for those objects, then get clobbered and fall to the ground…… no wait, keep doing that, it’s funny.

22) Sometimes when your favorite band is playing their big hit as their last song, you think it’s a good idea and really cool to jump up on the stage and dance with the band. You and about 50 other die-hard geeks. Well… we know you’re real enthusiastic about the whole thing, but get your porky and dorky ass off the stage. The band doesn’t want you up there that close to their equipment. Get off the stage fruitcake.

23) If you go up and begin conversation with the band while they’re loading equipment out at the end of the night and you don’t at least offer to help, you deserve to be cut into little ****ing pieces. The band wants to get the **** in the van and get the **** out of your dumb ass corn & wheat truckstop town, and you’re not helping matters.

24) Street team people passing out the latest Mudvayne cassette sampler in front of the show should be crucified. Yeah, give me a tape dude. I want a ****ing Mudvayne tape. “

chad rules!

Why would you care what kind of tee shirt other people wear at the show? Isn’t that concern just conformity for the sake of conformity?

16) Don’t elbow your way to the front of the crowd then incessantly take pictures quite literally, every other second, with your loud, intrusive DSLR camera. It’s about the music, stupid.

17) If you’re going to send a photographer like that to a certain not-so-raucous 9:30 Club show, BYT, at least give her a lens with a decent zoom. Goddamn.

any rules about stealth audio recording concerts?

thank you, mia! i hate it when i see everyone with their point and shoots, why take so many shitty pictures then there are much better ones available online?

regarding rule number one, even standing back by the bar can be a bad place to talk. I’ll never forget the last time Einsturzende Neubauten came to the 930. They were doing some tunes that were really subtle. Sitting on the floor and using one of their crazy contraptions. And these bitches were about three quarters way back just loudly talking. Seriously you could see the ire of a bunch of people on account of their being heard over the music through a good portion of the floor.

waah waah

oh my god charly, I just spit my Izze out. lol.

i’m with Dave; this column is depressing yo!

rules suck! the kids are alright! viva Girl Talk!

16) Get your hands out of your pockets.
17) Uncross your arms.
18) Turn your cell phone onto vibrate.
19) The people tweeting the show probably write for one of the large news/entertainment outlets. Telling them off is actually more disruptive than their tweeting. It’s not that serious. Let them finish.
20) That said…keep social networking and camera phone usage to a bare minimum. It’s a show and you paid for it. Enjoy it.
21) Ted Leo will out-banter you, I guarantee it. Don’t even try.