Brightest Young Things

We continue our local hero recommendations columns this week with Jason Mojica, who moderates our favorite salon Thursday night of the month: Modernist Society. (this week with Adam Kokesh). He also writes, takes photos, makes movies and does other man-about-town activities steeped deep in both excellent good taste and good bad taste that make him a perfect fit for this.
Just next time you see him, remember: he is definitely seeing you.

off we go:

I’m a voyeur by nature.
I see a woman putting on makeup and I’m like a deer in headlights.
Two dudes about to fight? Riveted.
Awkward interns trying to mind their manners? Hilarious.
Lately, though, I’ve been having trouble with my eyes. They’re red and scratchy, simultaneously dry and watery. It hurts to blink. Thankfully, I’ve discovered that drinking straight whiskey seems to alleviate the problem, but for a while there I was in a bit of a panic about the deterioration of my favorite sense, and the potential loss of my favorite sport: people watching.

I’ve lived in DC just over a year, but in that short time I’ve managed to squeeze in some high caliber surveillance (and this is the town for it, no?). Allow me to share with you some of my favorite places to stake out.

The Cafeteria at the Dirksen Senate Office Building
Lithe young girls in carefully contemplated outfits and their male counterparts—pimply faced little shits in ill-fitting sport coats—dine on some of the city’s best mac and cheese while old men try to impress them with the size of their budgets.

Shooter’s Paradise
Just a hop skip and a jump away from downtown DC, and it’s like you’re in a whole other country… Virginia. Nestled into a run-of-the-mill strip mall in Woodbridge is Shooter’s Paradise. Here, people from all walks of life get together to celebrate the 2nd Amendment. If we can walk together, why can’t we shoot together? Here you’re likely to spot gold-chain-wearin’ gangsters firing ArmaLite rifles at full-color, full-size Osama Bin Laden Targets; a short Mexican man in his Sunday best trying out a .357; or a flannel-wearing woodsman father trying to find some common ground with his Marilyn Mansonesqe son… through mastery of the bolt-action M24 sniper rifle.

The Fireplace
While I’ve not yet had the pleasure of setting foot inside The Fireplace (what? No, really. Shut up, I totally like girls), I have enjoyed guzzling Hitachinos at the Brickskeller and then sitting in the park across the street and watching the late night Fireplace crowd dancing (or crunking or whatever it the young people are calling it these days) in the streets. It feels like you’re watching an episode of Fame, but Leroy’s been doling out crystal meth.

Good Guys
As Mr. Marty Royle has previously mentioned in this space, there’s something to be said for Goodguys. Now sure, you’ve got your naked ladies. We’ve seen those before. Fine. Nobody doesn’t like naked ladies. But the place is so… weird. The wood paneling. The fat men sitting around on actually eating food. I mean, come on, there are places I eat food, and places I don’t eat food. One place I don’t eat food is in close proximity to genitals. To each their own. Anyhow, somewhere between orders of chicken fingers and the fresh veggie platter, one of these guys will get up real close-like to one of the miniature stages and put his face as close as possible to said genitals and just get that 1000 yard stare. You’d think they’d just had a bit of the Columbian Devil’s Breath blown in their face the way the slowwwly, methodically, robotically lift their arm and hand over cash in the amount of… one dollar!? Are you fucking kidding me? That woman is shaking her reproductive organs in your face and you give her one dollar? I think this may be the only strip club in the universe where the waitresses are making out better than the dancers. Even losers tip at least 10%

The Prime Rib
The first time I went to the Prime Rib, I thought, “now this is what I expected Washington to be like.” Jackets required, tufted leather, tuxedoed waiters, cigar smoke, and lots and lots of red meat. When I’ve gone with company I’ve learned interesting things about them. For instance, from Ambassador Richard Fairbanks, I learned that Ronald Reagan was particularly put off by the nude scene in An Officer and a Gentleman, not because of the nudity, but because, as Reagan told him, “no one commits suicide naked… you always know the body’s going to be found.” It was also here that I learned that Shane Smith, co-founder of Vice magazine—proponents of all things shady, naked, and drenched in cheap beer—really knows how to order a good bottle of wine. He chose the 2005 Martinelli Zinfandel… very nice. When I come on my own, I order a Wild Turkey Manhattan served up by Jimmy Ross, one of the wisest bartenders around, sit back and watch the power lunches between powerful gray haired men unfold. The bar is dotted with the occasional young money, but more typically virile old guys who use the house phone and say, “yeah, yeah, just call me, I’ll be at the bar all day” or lonesome old ladies who sip at champagne as their faces transform from a distant gaze to a thoughtful smile before wilting to a frown. Then Jimmy tops off their glass.

see Jason next this Thursday as he interviews Adam Kokesh at Bourbon (while drinking bourbon, and wearing a suit) and then works the masses at the dance afterparty as spearheaded by D-Mac and Neville Chamberlain.

and.to read our previous editions of this column go here for Laura Burhenn of Georgie James and Marty Royle of Washington Social Club. You may learn something.

Previously in I Heart DC:

• 2/14: 101 Reasons To Love DC-Part 2
• 2/13: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use:
• 2/13: 101 Reasons To Love DC-Part 1
• 2/10: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
• 2/9: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
• 2/8: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
• 2/8: Perfect Date Outfits + Outings
• 2/7: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
• 2/6: DC News You Can Maybe Use:
• 2/2: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use: