District gays tend to dismiss Capital Pride (held this weekend) as passe - something only meaningful to struggling teenagers and rural gays who will climb out of their closets to pack the city for three days. Ask a gay about his weekend plans, and he will most likely bitch about how he won’t be at pride. Oh, but he will Blanche, he will.
The gays of D.C. may insist that they don’t personally need a pride parade, but it is a party after all and the gays do love a party. In that respect, Capital Pride is like Thanksgiving. There are always those who go overboard with the holiday decorations, those who grudgingly attend out of a sense of duty, those there to catch up with old friends and those just hoping for a good stuffing.
If you’re gay, you’re going to pride (despite what you say). If you’re straight…you should.
Here’s a rundown of your best weekend bets.
1) Straight Girls - Pride weekend is a gift to any straight guy smart enough to use it. If you go to gay pride, you will get laid…with a girl. Gay men are fun, and good looking. Thousands of their straight girlfriends know that and will turn out to fill JRs and local house parties. Any straight girl in a gay bar is secretly hoping to find that one needle-in-a-haystack straight boy who happens to be there as well. If you’re smart enough to show that you are comfortable hanging out with your gay buddies in a gay bar, those are bonus points for you.
Best opportunity: JR’s Bar. (Friday night or all day Saturday) 17th and Church Streets, NW.
2) Marion Barry - Politicians love a parade, and they will be whoring themselves out for votes at the Saturday evening Pride Parade through Dupont and Logan Circles. Expect Mayor Fenty, Mayor-For-Life Barry and most City Council members and candidates to have enthusiastic contingents. Chain-smoking Republican Carol Schwartz will be the candidate trying to explain why she is now the only city council member to oppose same-sex marriage. Her (good looking) opponent Adam Clampitt will be working the crowd in his bid to replace her.
Best opportunity: Capital Pride Parade (Saturday, June 14 - 6:30pm until 8:30pm). Head to 17th and P Streets, NW and follow the route in either direction to find a viewing spot.
3) Fanny packs - The Pride Festival on Sunday has evolved into a static affair that mirrors other street festivals on Pennsylvania Avenue. Whether its the Caribean Festival, Japanese Festival or Gay Pride, its mostly corporations and fast-food vendors marketing themselves with a “We Love Gays/Asians/Barbadians” tag. Despite its largely cookie-cutter nature, it is a good opportunity to catch up with others and to tourist-watch. The best activity is standing at any entrance to the festival on Pennsylvania Avenue and following tourists with fanny packs who wander in wearing their “FBI” novelty t-shirts exclaiming “Look honey, a street festival!” Follow them for a block. The look on their faces when they finally realize where they are is worth your visit.
Best opportunity: Capitol Pride Festival (Sunday, June 15 - 11:00am until 6:00pm). On Pennsylvania Avenue, NW between 3rd and 7th Streets.
4) Ladies - For a city with such a large lesbian population, D.C. has few bars that serve a primarily lesbian clientèle. Pride is one of the few times of the year that offers nightlife options other than a night at The Phase or a potluck in Takoma Park.
Best opportunity: Official Capital Pride Women’s Concert & Party - (Friday, June 13 - 11:00pm until 4:00am) $25 for the concert and party. $15 for the party after 11:00pm. 9:30Club - 9th and V Streets, NW. Featuring Melissa Ferrick, BETTY, Bitch, Odd Girl Out and the Ladies First DJ Collective.
5) Hook Ups - The intent of Pride isn’t to get laid, but if your straight buddy is hooking up in a gay bar (see above) then you might as well too.
Best opportunity: Just stand on any street corner in Dupont or Logan Circles. Wait 30 seconds.
6) Alterna-Queers -If the rainbow-themed floats clash too much with your mood, Pride weekend offers hipster gays other outlets. The gang over at TheNewGay.net have organized a gay-infiltration of Mousetrap at the Black Cat on Saturday for those who want to skip the overpriced drinks and over-pitched diva tracks at local gay bars. Meanwhile, muscle bears can be found up the street at the same time dancing to legendary musician (and now DJ) Bob Mould at the 9:30Club.
Best opportunity #1: TNG Presents Mousetrap Pride Edition (Saturday, June 14 -10:00pm until 2:00am). $10. Black Cat - 14th and S Streets, NW.
Best opportunity #2: Blowoff featuring Bob Mould and Richard Morel (Saturday, June 14 - 11:30pm until close) $12. 9:30Club - 9th and V Streets, NW
Well NOW you correct it. Sheesh.
June 11, 2008 at 2:50 pmThanx. Spelling and grammar are knot my strongpoyntes.
June 11, 2008 at 3:39 pm“Any straight girl in a gay bar is secretly hoping to find that one needle-in-a-haystack straight boy who happens to be there as well.”
Not true, girls often go partly so that they don’t have to worry about creepy guys hitting on them. I hate when guys come up to you at Cobalt and say things like “soooo, I’m straight.” Good for you, asshole, you’re part of the status quo, that’s no reason for me to fuck you.
June 11, 2008 at 4:37 pmOoh…don’t go home with anyone (gay or straight) at Cobalt!
June 11, 2008 at 4:40 pmAlexandra - but what if he reads my article and shaves like a man, is that a good reason?
June 11, 2008 at 4:45 pmThanks for the shout-out John.
The Black Cat is actually at 1811 14th street, between S and T. Not at R st.
Looking forward to having a fun night. Hope to see you there.
June 11, 2008 at 5:26 pmThose guys at TheNewGay.net have their work cut out for them if they’re trying to make the black cat (especially mousetrap) any gayer than it already is.
June 12, 2008 at 4:10 amIt’s been said before, but best line:
5) Hook Ups - The intent of Pride isn’t to get laid, but if your straight buddy is hooking up in a gay bar (see above) then you might as well too.
Best opportunity: Just stand on any street corner in Dupont or Logan Circles. Wait 30 seconds.
June 12, 2008 at 9:55 amfor the best space to view the tourists walk into Pride, go to the corner of PA and 4th. The National Gallery East Wing’s is a gateway from the Mall to Pride…funny
June 12, 2008 at 11:48 amAh, why do you have to expose this secret to other straight men! Now I’m going to have more competition. :/
June 12, 2008 at 1:12 pmAlexandria, you sound like a real sweetheart.
June 13, 2008 at 10:07 pmYeah, very funny Sam.
June 14, 2008 at 6:16 pm
John, This is the kind of self-deprecating dry wit that I really enjoy when you pull it off (corrected for typo):
“5) Hook Ups - The intent of Pride isn’t to get laid, but if your straight buddy is hooking up in a gay bar (see above) then you might as [well] too.
Best opportunity: Just stand on any street corner in Dupont or Logan Circles. Wait 30 seconds.”
Good show.
June 11, 2008 at 2:13 pm