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all photos and videos: Dakota Fine

You are busy, Washingtonian, we realize this.  You’ve got to be at your friend’s sister’s going away party at that all-canned-beer spot in Columbia Heights (because nobody ever STAYS in D.C.) and then it’s off to some art gallery that’s opened it’s doors til midnight so that you can spend hours NOT looking at the art.  Trust us, we know.  Your days are chock full.  And don’t even get us started on what you’re going to do once all the outdoor concerts in the park and movies on the lawn roll around this summer.  How can one even choose?  But let’s not jump to summer yet.  It’s Spring.  Officially.  And while you might not think you have time to celebrate Spring the way most of the tourists in this country do, by coming to DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival, we’re here to argue that you do have time.  Obviously, all you need is 15 minutes.

Don’t stress.  It’s not hard.  We’ll show you how.  Let’s get down to business.  Start off by taking a quick minute for a Stress Test administered by the Church of Scientology.  It’s really just two cans connected to some sort of a ‘meter’, but it’s definitely good for a laugh. DO NOT purchase Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard.  My friend, Erik, has two giant boxes of Dianetics books just sitting in his apartment that he was going to use for some art installation.  If you want one, email me.

Scientologists get really uncomfortable and awkward about the time they realize that you’re not there to join the ranks.  Best to move on after about one minute.  You’re in a hurry anyway.  A lot to see.  Head on over to the mall and you should find about seventeen different people with kites.  One thing you should know about kite-flyers.  They are usually quite nice and enjoy sharing their hobby with others.  Kindly ask if you can fly their kite for a moment.  I’m sure you’ll find someone who will oblige.  We did.  This should take no more than one minute and thirty seconds.  Which is about the maximum amount of time that kite flying is an enjoyable hobby for adults.  Move on.

Jeff & Brock Flying Kites from Dakota Fine on Vimeo.

Obligatory Washington Monument picture.

The best thing about the CBFest is the kids.  And the dogs.  Damn cutest kids I’ve ever seen.  Damn cutest dogs I’ve ever seen.  This isn’t really going to chop any time off your 15 minutes.  Just be aware and keep your eyes alert for cute dogs and kids.  They’re everywhere.  You’re about 2.5 minutes in at this point.  You want to get from the mall to the Jefferson Memorial by walking around the tidal basin in about five minutes.  That’s a long walk.  A lot to see.  Walk briskly, but again, keep watch for the Kids/Dogs/Cherry Blossoms.  Go.

Cute Kid:

Cute Dog (not a fan of being held):

Cute Kids

Cute Dog (very, very odd owner):

Cute Kid (although his chocolate eating skills don’t necessarily live up to his t-shirt proclamation):

REALLY Cute Kid:

Have a rest, you’re almost there.  If you’re an artist, and you happen to have all your paints and a canvas with you, there’s no better time of year to do a portrait of scenic Washington D.C.  It’s lovely.  Brock took a few minutes to whip something up.

Alright, you’ve made it to Jefferson.  You’re about 7 to 9 minutes in at this point, depending on how many dogs you kissed and whether or not you painted a landscape.  This is where the main stage of the festivites is set up.  On any given day, you’ll find all sorts of Cherry Blossom-themed goings on.  Partake.  Enjoy.  Bang the drum slowly.  Spend four minutes basking in the beauty of the Nation’s Capitol.

This dog’s name is Scout.  He was the cutest dog there.

More Cute Kids.

Seriously, these two little kids kept kissing on the lips.  They were cousins.  Their fathers kept running over and yelling at them to find someone outside the family to make out with.  It was hilarious.  I sense trouble brewing.

Alright, bail on the Jefferson, et. al.  It’s Roosevelt’s turn.  You’ve got about a one minute walk from Jefferson to Roosevelt.  If you hustle.  Hustle.  Again.  Cute kids everywhere.  The FDR Monument is easily the most interesting and accessible feature of the mall.  It seems to be different during the day and at night and with each different season.  Spend your last five minutes climbing on statues, playing in the water, touching things, or standing in line for food with the poor jobless men of the Great Depression.  I mean, you’re going to be one soon anyways, might as well practice.

Cute Kid:

I’ve had this debate many times.  Somebody told me it’s disrespectful to climb on the statues and monuments (it was actually Erik Stallman when I put my sunglasses on a Buddhist statue in Thailand, he of the giant box of Dianetics fame).  I disagree.  I think that’s what they’re there for.  For you to get up close and personal with this Nation’s great leaders.  If they weren’t meant to be touched, they’d be made of glass.

Cute Dog:

Cute Dog:

An earlier mention about the statue-climbing debate was meant within reason.  We do not condone climbing on top of a bronzed, wheelchair-bound Franklin Delano Roosevelt and riding him like a bucking bronco.  It’s just that sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we get a little carried away.  You have to understand, dear reader, that the Cherry Blossom is exciting.

That’s it.  Fifteen minutes.  You’re done.  Okay, actually, you’re not.  You’re at the front entrance of the FDR Memorial.  You aren’t near your car, nor are there any metro stations close by.  And you’re most likely really hungry.  My advice is to hail a cab (if you can get one) and take it to Thai Tanic on 14th Street.  Order the Thai Tanic Star.

Previously on ‘15 Minutes’:

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/art-design/artomatic-in-15-minutes/
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/featured/sculpture-garden-in-fifteen-minutes/
http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/featured/washington-auto-show-in-15-minutes/

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