All words: Victoria Kurzweg
All photos: Chris Svetlik
Yes really, REAGANPALOOZA
“No music and lots of jellybeans – now that’s key for a good party.” Reaganpalooza was off to a slow start.
Every year, thousands gather in Washington to hate Big Government and love freedom, America, guns, and the Constitution at CPAC. On the final night of the conference, young Republican groups unite and co-host “THE young professional conservative event of the year,” dedicated to our 40th president. Last year the event brought 750 boozing conservatives to Hawk 'n Dove.
The crowd was sparse and standoffish when we arrived, but circumstances improved dramatically at the bar: free drinks for the next hour! We sat at a back table and watched the bowties and Reagan shirts trickle in.
Why more young conservatives weren’t into the open bar was beyond us. But it turns out that as we were drinking free PBR and Patron for the Gipper, Glenn Beck was wrapping up a speech across town. By 9:30, Reaganpalooza was in full effect.
Suited 20- and 30-somethings in CPAC badges were taking over both floors of Hawk n Dove when it hit us: Young conservatives love to partake in Reaganpalooza, but they don’t want any photographic evidence of it. Bummer.
It was time for a break.
At this point I was fortunate enough to be with a Hawk n Dove veteran who smokes (and, naturally, prefers to remain anonymous). We stepped out to a “secret” open-air passageway in a remote corner downstairs. It happened to look directly into a makeshift coat check room, and our attention was immediately drawn to the only person inside.
A guy in a red “security” shirt was right in the middle of ransacking the coat pile. Digging into the pockets of fiscal conservatives!
Stunned, we watched him zero in on a grey hooded parka with fur trim. He searched through the pockets, pulled out an iPhone, and walked back to the front desk with a small wad of cash. Some smoke-and-mirrors effect had apparently rendered us invisible to the inside.
I assumed we should alert the Hawk 'n Dove authorities, and paranoia struck my Republican friend. “It’ll be our word against security, we’ll get kicked out!” Plus, the shady guard was no longer alone.
The situation called for grassroots action. “Let’s just tell everybody to empty their pockets.” We spread the word about coat check, and then Chris hit him up for a photo. Unlike some civil servants we met that night, the pickpocket was happy to oblige.
Reagan would not have approved.
Coat check corruption, rampant camera phobia, and Glenn Beck over free drinks: too many strikes to give Reaganpalooza the gold star. Still, it was a fine evening of partisan partying.
The boozing conservatives may have been camera shy, but at least they're polite. The organizers welcomed us. We made some new Republican friends, who gave us the lowdown on CPAC Day 3 (Ron Paul?!). And there were charming little details, like the “Supply Sider” shot special (Bailey’s and mint schnapps) and the curled, color-coordinated ribbons tied around Daily Caller t-shirts.
As we walked out of the packed Hawk 'n Dove a guy with a snow shovel and a plate of cupcakes was on his way in. Amateur hour was over.
“I know it’s hard when you’re up to your armpits in alligators to remember you came here to drain the swamp.”- Ronald Reagan
Previously in I Heart DC:
- 2/9: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/8: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/8: Perfect Date Outfits + Outings
- 2/7: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/6: DC News You Can Maybe Use:
- 2/2: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use:
- 2/1: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use:
- 1/31: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 1/30: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 1/30: Capital City Diner: Up All Night
God loves a cheerful giver.
nicely written victoria, bravo… the only thing that would have made this more entertaining was if it was actually ryan sorba “digging into the pockets of fiscal conservatives”
Love that you got the thief's photo, Chris.
Of course, getting the tool's photo probably is going to do little to get the phone back for the person who was robbed.
God forbid you actually go out of your way to report a crime and help someone not have their expensive shit stolen, on the off chance it might prevent you from getting a few more free drinks.
Which makes you not only essentially an accomplice to the crime, but also just as much of a fucking tool as the asshole pictured. Congratulations.
I personally wouldn't report a thief stealing young republicans iphones either, in fact this story has warmed my bleeding liberal heart.
and this folks is why its ridiculously easy to be an even slightly desirable single male in dc...
Desperately wanted to find Sorba and feed him to the lions at Mixtape...
Open bar was over then, Tom. We told a LOT of people what happened, and no one even asked if we had contacted management. Sorry you weren't there to be our moral compass.
Also, just to clarify, dude walked away with cash only. Messed with the phone and put it back, which is still f*d up...
whole lot of shirted missionary-only sex going on in the district that night.
snitches die slow, Tom. K.A.R.(kill all rats)
If that was Baltimore you would have been killed for even thinking about making a scene. Stop snitchin' stop lyin'.
No phone even taken? This crime gets more petty by the minute. Enjoy your free beer, hide your money deep in the pockets of Ludwig von Mises hoodie, and get back to your jelly beans. No reason to get in a fight with the staff over a couple of bucks that were diverted from YAF.
Hmmmm could this be him?
http://www.facebook.com/Wuski
Looks like he works at Hawk n Dove...
Conservative girls are ugly.
cute, a bunch of hipsters (who are likely ill-informed morons on par with the people showing up to those teabagger events) going to a bar to make fun of square conservatives. i never could have predicted this. what's next, trucker hats and ironic t shirts?
are all the girls who show up to BYT events conservatives?