Pravda Online: Russians on Sex, America, & Vegetarianism

August 1, 2008 by Libby  Send to a Friend

Pravda or “The Truth” in Russian, used to be the USSR’s voice during the Cold War. In the years after the fall of the iron curtain Pravda has splintered into a hard copy news source and an unrelated online paper run by its former editors. Holy shit is it hilarious and disturbing– isn’t that how most hilarious things are? You will see that writers for Pravda Online acknowledge liberal western social values but digest them in this amazingly backwards way that produces articles dripping with sexist overtones and patriotic sentiment. Sigh… Oh Russia!!!

This was yesterday’s top story on Pravda:

• “Herbivorous and carnivorous humans will never understand each other’s eating habits”

Pravda’s stance on vegetarianism is pretty apparent when you take into account some other articles recently published:

• “When are Indians Going to Eat Cows?”
• “Vegetarianism Proves to be a Perversion of Nature”

Highlights from the article:

Practically nobody argues with them (vegetarians), since it is really difficult to convince a vegetarian of his or her self-deception. Maybe that is the reason why the vegetarian movement develops so actively around the globe and continues to recruit many new members.

Cosmetologists say that a typical vegetarian has dry and fragile hair, dull eyes and unhealthy complexion. They can hardly stand criticism and have a low boiling point. They raise their voice, swing their arms and splutter when arguing. They are weak even in their logic. They exemplify their righteousness with the cow, a herbivorous animal, and say that nature originally made a human being as a vegetarian creature.

Experts have recently put forward a hypothesis that can justify vegetarians. Scientists assert that there are people with irregular metabolism. They do not need animal protein at all. However, such people can be described as a mistake of nature.

Naturally Pravda runs amazing articles about America:

• “Happy Birthday America: A Bunch of Spoiled, Whiny Brats”

In this article, the author compares a complacent American public that has allowed for the degeneration of their politics to a character in the new Angelina Jolie assassin film:

At fault in it all are the American people who like the main character Wesley Gibson in the thrilling movie Wanted, is willingly tied to a chair and takes punch after punch in the face until he finally “gets it.” But America today is no movie where the main character recovers. The American people need to suck it up and stop taking sucker punches before they have no blood left to bleed…

Then the author adds this low blow!

…In this Olympic year, it’s worth noting that Americans hold just six world records in track & field competitions. They hold none in weightlifting. Americans are fat and lazy.

Also published on our Independence Day:

• “4th of July - Nothing to Celebrate” with the following graphic:
  

Other recent American headlines:

• “Another US family kills another baby adopted from Russia”
• “Russia to USA: ‘Don’t tell us whom we should be friends with and whom we should sleep with’”
• “USA Still Afraid of Soviet Weapons“

Pravda also does an AMAZING job of unloading on women especially one American woman:

• “Condoleezza Rice’s anti-Russian Stance Based on Sexual Problems”

Hilarious highlights include this incredible quote from the leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party of Russia (LDPR), Vladimir Zhirinovsky:

”Condoleezza Rice released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. She loses her reason because of her late single status. Nature takes it all.

”Such women are very rough. They are all workaholics, public workaholics. They can be happy only when they are talked and written about everywhere: “Oh, Condoleezza, what a remarkable woman, what a charming Afro-American lady! How well she can play the piano and speak Russian! What a courageous, tough and strong female she is!

“Complex-prone women are especially dangerous. They are like malicious mothers-in-law, women that evoke hatred and irritation with everyone. Everybody tries to part with such women as soon as possible. A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.

”Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied. On the other hand, she can hardly be satisfied because of her age. This is a complex.

When Pravda addresses and supports “womens issues” their logic just blows your mind and leave you thinking WTF?!. Take their stance on abortion:

• “Why did you kill me, mother?” with the following graphic:

Abortion is not something to be proud of. Abortion is not the best thing that can happen to a woman, no matter whether she treats it as a common medical procedure or a sinful action that kills an innocent life inside her. It goes without saying that abortion is evil. It obviously affects the woman’s health and her ability to become a mother in the future.

However, if abortion happens, a woman should not be punished for it. She needs to be rendered all possible help to survive the sad experience with minimum of damage. An abortion may lead to a whole bouquet of diseases. Like any other surgery, an abortion can be dangerous. No one can be insured against inflammations, hemorrhage or other complication

Other great headlines about gender and sex:

• “Women suffer from sexual discrimination even when it comes to tattoos”

• “Sex crimes increase dramatically in summer because of women’s scanty outfits”

• “Men become impotent because of women’s low-cut dresses and bare legs”

• “World must be more attentive to male virgins”

• “Young pimpled girls grow into stunning women in gynecologist’s office”

• “Women going on sex tours look for big bamboos and Marlboro men”

• “Moscow to turn into Europe’s gay capital for Eurovision 2009

• “Homosexual mobsters can never escape deadly bullets”

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I GUESS THIS IS WHAT PASSES AS TRUTH or “PRAVDA” IN RUSSIA!!!!

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