Since it went over better than expected (see? I am self-deprecating at times) and since I likely will be attending other parties, and since I am a magnanimous son of a bitch on occasion, I've decided to share the recipe for Michael’s Super Awesome Amazing Make Your Dick Grow Bigger (if you are a guy) and Your Boobs Get Bigger (or smaller, depending, if you are a girl) And Get All Around Smarter, More Charming, and Better Looking Special Holiday* Mulled Bourbon Punch.
*(Should you serve this post 1 January you can remove the "Holiday" from the title.)
What you will need:
- One big fucking pot. I used a stainless steel lobster pot.
- One stove with a very low heat setting (you do not ever want it to boil. You boil it and you've ruined it).
- About $80 with which to purchase the following:
- 2 liters of Bourbon. I used Jim Beam but any bourbon will work. You do not want to mix your liquors with this drink (i.e., Beam and Jameson wouldn't work, nor would bourbon and vodka, etc). I added about 1/3 liter of Southern Comfort Reserve (not regular Southern Comfort which is NOT bourbon based. Do not be confused by the coloring, there is no bourbon in SoCo. SoCo Reserve is a mix of regular SoCo and Bourbon.
- Approximately 1.5 gallons of Cranberry Juice Cocktail.
- Two large cans of Pineapple Juice (straight Pineapple juice - no blends). The large cans are 46 oz. You need two of these (though you will only use 1 and a half).
- Pure Pomegranate juice (again, no blends). I added about half a liter.
- Pomegranate Syrup (which is actually Grenadine, but not the stuff that comes in the red bottle). You have to make this: 2 lbs pomegranates. Separate the seeds from the membrane and skin. Cover seeds with 1 pint of water and simmer until the seeds release their juices. Strain through cheesecloth. Mix equal amount of pomegranate juice and sugar, bring to boil then simmer about 10 minutes (until all sugar is dissolved).
- Spices: Cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, allspice, vanilla (for the cinnamon and vanilla you can use extract (a tiny bit works - all of this is adjusted to taste).
- About 2 cups of brown sugar (about 1.5 cups if you use SoCo in your recipe).
What to do:
Combine all ingredients except for the bourbon. Bring to almost a boil and then reduce heat so that it is just on the verge of boiling. Add liquor. Bring up to almost boiling (you really want to be careful with boiling here - do NOT allow it to boil once the liquor is added - should it start to boil before the liquor you're ok, just bring it back down before the liquor is added). Now reduce heat to a very low simmer. Cover. You have to cover. If you don't the alcohol will evaporate. Allow to simmer for approximately 2 hours (up to 3, but no more).
Taste. Adjust spices and sugar. You won't really be able to taste the liquor and you shouldn't so don't go ruin it by trying to add more liquor until you taste it. This ain't a frat-boy drink. If you do taste the liquor add some of the pineapple juice you have left over. If it isn't sweet enough add some more brown sugar.
Serve warm.
God loves a cheerful giver.
delicious. and I hope the claim of bigger boobs is a valid one.
What does it do for hermaphrodites?
big boobs are highly overrated. this punch, however, is not.
Just don't overdo it, eh
i feel that my boobs are the perfect size. what will this do for me?
um i want some of this punch. it sounds delightful!
This will probably improve their shape then.
It will shrink your insecurities, Amanda.
This shit was delicious
Hey Michael! It was awesome seeing you at the BYT staff party last night!
i know, right. I had a gay scooter club gift exchange partydidn't get out until 11 was in the rain on the bike and figured it was over.
As punishment I crashed the ducati this am .... 2 spraiend wrists sprained knee broke helmet and left side of bike left parts all over road - andyone want ducati cheap?
Michael - is/was yours the red Ducati I've seen parked on P St? And pmyoung@gmail.com if you want to talk about that bike...
Peace,
Peter
Hey "Peter" please get a new comments name. I don't want anyone thinking I would ever ride a scooter or be solicitous of Michael's health..
l8r,
--P
Hey "pedro" quit harassing the contributors. Also learn the difference between a 1000cc, 160+mph Italian hand made motorcycle and a scooter (which are still cooler forms of transportation than that fiberglass skateboard you ride around).
Read the dates e-mail people, wrecked last year, not this.
didn't you wreck again this year?
No. Last year. You wrecked this year. Never fixed the bike though, just pulled all the bodywork off of it.
have you tried Adam Bernbach's Pisco Winter??? it's amazing!!! it's a macchu pisco sour but warm with marshmellows instead of the egg white
bump. it's winter.
i remember reading and commenting a lot on this site before the homepage gave me seizures.
michael, let's go halves and make this punch immediately if not sooner