Brightest Young Things

Wine News for you to peruse:

• The Corcoran's Artini event is this Saturday (but you knew that already).
• You all voted Vinoteca as the best wine bar (Cork and Proof in second and third, respectively) and PX as having the best cocktail menu. Well alright. You also voted Wonderland as the best neighborhood bar. Thank God you didn't vote Playbill! (stay away from my precious, precious Playbill!)
• The Museum of the American Cocktail and Darlington House are presenting Rendering Unto Caesar and Sticking it to Uncle Sam - Being a Non-taxing and Slightly Evasive Cocktail Seminar. Join them on the eve of Tax Day with an evening of cocktails and history at the renowned Darlington House Restaurant in Dupont. You'll also enjoy classic libations such as the Income Tax Cocktail, the Scoff Law, the Rum Runner, the Three Mile Limit, and others, and you'll learn how to mix 'em, too. On hand will be Derek Brown (The Gibson) and Phil Greene (Museum of the American Cocktail) who will be joined by Garrett Peck, author of the forthcoming book The Prohibition Hangover and founder of D.C.'s own "Temperance Tour". Tickets are $40, April 14th from 6:45-8:45.

"Unwanted liquor" is an oxymoron, right? That's like saying "jumbo shrimp" or "entertaining CBS show that isn't a crime drama". It just doesn't exist.

Wrong.  For those who have appreciated palates (or can no longer stomach the smell of $10 TGI Friday's Long Island Iced Tea in a bottle), getting rid of unwanted libations is a problem. You don't want to put it in your building's basement or freecycle area for fear of some 10 year old getting alcohol poisoning, your best friend just decided to get sober and stop making out with Northrup Grumman contractors at Lucky Bar, and dumping it down the drain seems like a big waste. I know I'm not the only person here who ever purchased a bottle of tequila with a plastic red cowboy hat for a cap, or a $3 flask bottle of E&J Brandy, or several miniature bottles of Hypnotiq because I thought they'd make brightly-colored stocking stuffers.

Here's how you can use alcohol you don't want anymore, whether it's bad (Popov in a plastic jug), just not your style ("Aww, 3 bottles of Metaxa for Christmas? You shouldn't have..."), or if you smell it one more time you will puke (Captain Morgan's spiced rum).

THINGS YOU WILL NEED: Gumption, an open mind and a crock pot. A side note: crock pots are amazing and if you don't have it, you need to get it. Crock pots can do more than just pot roasts and beer-infused chilis: they can make soups, curries, desserts, punches, macaroni and cheese, and loads of amazing vegetarian things. All you have to do is fill it, fix it and forget it. Yay crock pots.

Problem: Tequila makes me barf and I have a bottle that needs to go. Now.

There are poor frat boys in Foggy Bottom that will shed a silent tear if you dump this down the drain. (Oh hell, who am I kidding - they aren't poor, they're just cheap bastards. They'll still cry, though) It's a pungent, pretty distinctive liquor so it's tricky to work with. However with a crockpot you can turn revolting bad-quality tequila into a delicious tortilla soup. (This recipe is found in the Fresh From the Slow Cooker Vegetarian Cookbook; if you're in the market for a vegetarian cookbook for crock pots I highly recommend this one.)

Problem: I've had the same handle of Aristocrat since college and no one will take it off my hands. Not even the bum hanging out in front of Yum's and Lalibela on 14th.

I've used this stuff as a free weight for yoga. I've since purchased real weights, but I'm just saying it can be done. This and any high octane clear liquor can be used around the house as a cleaning agent for really tough stains. Use it in tubs, sinks and counters for hard stains but BE CAREFUL and don't use it it in an area where someone might throw their cigarette butt down the drain. It can also be used to strip waxy buildup on linoleum or tile floors but again, be careful: the smell might overwhelm and you want to test it on a small, inconspicuous space first before you go the whole nine yards with your nice tile floor.

Problem: I tried to get into drinking Bourbon but bought Old Crow instead of Maker's Mark. I can't force myself to drink this.

Common problem there, champ. Solution: make it into Bourbon Bread Pudding! Either Classic New Orleans style or for a change of pace, Apple Bourbon Bread Pudding.

Problem: As a consequence of making your daily drinks, I have a bunch of what I can only describe as really bizarre liquors and liqueurs that I will never use again.

This is something you can regift. To me. Or to anyone else who wants to try new cocktails (but might end up not liking some of them). Fragrantly nutty liqueurs like Frangelico, Tia Maria, and Amaretto can be used when baking cakes and cookies. Aperitifs like Pernod and Chartreuse can be used in punches; you may not like it straight or in a cold mixed drink, but it's amazing what a little heat can do to a flavored punch.

Things like grappa, Aquavit, Ouzo, and Metaxa are different. They're such a strong, definitive taste that's hard to work around.  Give it one more shot: try this pan-fried shrimp with lemon and Ouzo, for example. I hate the taste of Ouzo, but it greatly compliments the taste of lemon and shrimp when cooked. If you're really into Greek food here are some other recipes for that errant bottle of Ouzo.

As the New York Times profiled last year, grappa can be more than just something to begrudgingly swill at your Italian family reunion. Try it with pork! For vegetarians, use it in marinades! Of things that are not pork!

Do you have a bottle of Aquavit that you absolutely hate? Sorry pal - unless you have a Norwegian friend in a fjord somewhere, you might be stuck with it. Recipes that incorporate Aquavit are just as bizarre as the beverage itself: Fennel-aquavit gravlax with caraway crème fraîche, anyone?

Problem: I bought bad wine at Trader Joe's (hey, I can't blame you. The prices are too good). What can I do with this open bottle of red/white that tastes like spoiled Juicy Juice?

For red wine in winter, mull it over. For summer time try making a red wine sorbet (you don't even need an ice cream maker!). For, I dunno, shits and giggles, make mulled red wine sorbet. You can also turn any old red or white wine into wine vinegar to be used in cooking or as a salad dressing.

Still reading? Do you have anything to add?