Brightest Young Things

Washington, I asked you last week: what if you want to go above and beyond the typical alcohol-related gift of putting a bottle of wine in a bag and handing it over? What if you want to put more love and effort into your gift (unless it's a Brunello di Montalcino, in which case there's plenty of love in there)? Make your own. Or rather, flavor your own. It’s like making sun tea except you’re not old and well, sun tea kind of bothers me.

Step one, get a one-quart jar (MOST SPAGHETTI JARS WILL NOT BE BIG ENOUGH, it needs to hold at least 4 cups comfortably) with a screw lid. You can find these at most hardware stores, but sadly they’re generally sold in bulk. I had to buy 12 outright. If you need a one-quart Mason jar, I will sell you one for a dollar. To be extra sketchy, meet me in Malcolm X Park/Meridian Hill, and leave your dollar on the ground near the Joan of Arc statue. Or just ask me nicely.  Alternately you can get one of the plastic jugs with a spigot that you use to make sun tea; frankly the notion of letting something sit potentially for weeks in plastic worries me (you know, that whole left-wing agenda BPA thing. Sorry, did I just expose myself as a pinko?), though the concept of a spigot intrigues me. Make your own call there, fellas.

Now get some booze. Use a grain alcohol, like vodka or Everclear. I’ve read that Everclear is recommended for this kind of stuff because it soaks up the flavor faster. However, this means you’re then drinking flavored Everclear, which is just a bad idea in my book (oh Everclear, you heinous slut, your burning throat sensation forcing college students to cross state lines in search of you).  For the lemon I’ve used Everclear, and for the Basil I did two jars: one Everclear, one vodka. I chose Skyy because  you don’t want to use top shelf stuff (hey, you’re putting it into a jar. C’mon.) but you don’t want to use the vodka equivalent of lighter fluid, either. Could I have used a plastic jug of Popov? Can you? Sure, but just because it’s flavored doesn’t mean you can skimp on quality. If this is going to be a gift, using the cheapest shit you can find probably isn’t the best way to go. I have an $8 handle of Mr. Boston Triple Sec that I can’t bear to drink that constantly reminds me of this fact: yes, it’s a recession, but at least consider spending a few bucks more for quality.

For this I’ve used lemons and basil, but tinker around and use something different:  oranges, bay leaves, fennel, fresh fruit (keep reading, because I have a recipe for an apple and cinnamon digestif and raspberry digestif). I’m a big citrus person and can’t wait to go home for Christmas and steal the fruit my mom buys from area marching bands and turn it into flavored liquor. Look at it this way – I’m getting drunk AND preventing scurvy. What’s your PBR or vodka and Red Bull doing? Nothing. That’s right.

Now take four lemons and peel them with a vegetable peeler, ensuring that you’re not getting the pith (white stuff that tastes like paper). The essential oils are in the peel, flavoring the booze. For those who are unfamiliar with vegetable peelers for god’s sake don’t slice your fingernail off. The lemon will make it burn like hell. Put the peels in the jar with two cups of grain alcohol. Now the easiest part: put the lid on it. Put it on the shelf. Forget about it for six days. Don’t touch it, resist the urge to open it. Just hang out. Rent some movies, grow a beard, whatever.

After six days come back and stir it up. Add 1 ½ cups simple syrup (don’t buy it - make your own!). Put in the freezer to chill. Well, it's been six days. I have the following tips for you: it helps to make the simple syrup beforehand, but refrigerate it until you need it and let it sit and get to room temperature before you mix it with the alcohol. Otherwise it looks like sludge.

The lemon flavored Everclear smells the best, but the Everclear makes it taste pretty harsh. Digestifs aren't supposed to be sweet and cocktail-y, but to me it tastes like lemon flavored burning. I have a sensitive palate to acetone (to the point where some Pinot Grigios bother me), so don't take my word as canon.

The basil flavored Everclear is a bright, festive green but also a little harsh. I'm pretty sure this would make an excellent Molotov cocktail.

The worst looking yet absolutely 100% best tasting one is the basil flavored vodka. Let this be the biggest tip of all: Everclear will soak in more flavor but it will make your drink taste like flavored nail polish remover. Use vodka. It's not as fragrant but trust me, it's delicious. You might think "a drink with fermented alcohol, basil, and sugar that looks like pond scum from a fountain? No thanks". Trust me. Dear God, if you trust nothing else from this post, or even trust that I'm a chick and not some hairy, mass murdering biker dude at a prison in Kansas impersonating a wine chick, trust that this tastes great. Enjoy, my ersatz compatriot in the war against holiday sobriety.

EASY RECIPE FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T FOCUS ENOUGH TO GLEAN DIRECTIONS FROM ABOVE:

*Two cups of grain alcohol go into one-quart glass jar, along with the zest and rind of four lemons or if you prefer, fresh basil (not dried, McCormick style. I used about two handfuls but it depends on your taste).

*Let it sit in the jar at room temperature, away from light, for six days.

*After six days add 1 ½ cups simple syrup. Freeze after mixing. Don't freeze before mixing!

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You can serve this at your next holiday party or better yet, give it as a gift. Find a cute glass bottle from a local store (check Miss Pixies or Georgetown Flea Market). Wash it thoroughly and if it’s heavily painted check and see if there’s a sticker or anything that says “lead paint, not for food or beverage use”. I say this from experience – it’s bad form to give someone a flavored alcohol gift in a glass bottle that says “CAUTION: PAINT CONTAINS LEAD. FOR DECORATIVE USE ONLY”. Now here’s the super fun part: using an old cork (if you don’t keep some on hand your local wine store or wine bar will gladly give you some) superglue or epoxy a small, adorable ornament on top to creative a beautiful and decorative Christmas-themed stopper.

Now some other recipes that I haven't personally tried...you get to be the guinea pigs! Report back!

Apple and Cinnamon Infused Vodka
6-8 Granny Smith apples (or any tart apple)
4 cinnamon sticks
2 (750ml) bottles vodka

Start with a 2 gallon jar. The kind with a spigot at the
bottom for pouring is the least messy, but any jar will do.
Fill the jar with the washed apples quartered and pitted,
but not peeled. Add cinnamon sticks and then fill with vodka.
With all the apples in the jar it should hold about
1 1/2 quarts. Store the jar for 3 or 4 days at room temperature
and then refrigerate to serve.

Raspberry Liqueur

Ingredients:

1 pt FRESH raspberries
2 1/2 c Vodka
1 Vanilla bean
1/4 tsp. Whole allspice
1/2 c Simple syrup

1) Rinse berries and place in a mixing bowl, lightly crushing
to release flavor.
2) Add vodka, vanilla bean, and allspice.
3) Stir and store in bottle in cool dark place for 3 weeks.
4) Strain mixture through dampened cheesecoth squeezing as much
juice as possible.
5) Pour back in bottle adding sugar syrup to taste (1/3 to 1/2
cup per pint)
6) Age another 3-5 weeks.

Apricot Brandy
This takes six weeks, so unless you don’t mind giving holiday gifts late or you’re Orthodox, you may want to skip it this Christmas in favor of the cinnamon and apple variety.

*   1/2 cup(s)  sugar
* 2 tablespoon(s) honey
* 3 cup(s) brandy
* 2 pound(s) dried apricots

Directions:
* 1. Make the brandy mixture: Combine 1 1/2 cups water, sugar, and honey in a small saucepan and cook over medium-high heat until sugar dissolves. Allow syrup to cool slightly and combine with brandy and fruit in a large, sealable jar. Store in a cool, dark place for 4 to 8 weeks.
* 2. Strain the brandy: Line a strainer with a double layer of dampened cheesecloth and strain the brandy. Discard apricots or save for another use. Transfer the brandy to a clean container and store for up to 1 year.

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Have a happy holiday season BYT readers; may your days be merry and bright, and always remember to recycle your empty bottles. You may be a drunk, but you'll earn points for being an eco-friendly drunk!