The first thing I noticed about this episode was Hung’s appearance at the Quickfire challenge. The only problem with bringing back the best contestant the show has ever had to judge: the implicit comparison between his talent and the current makeup of the season is not favorable. I’d even bring back Season Three’s cartoon dinosaur/’mo stereotype Dale if that meant we were bringing back that season’s talent.
So this season has largely been the season of gimmicks (maybe to camouflage the low talent level of this season’s cooks?), but at least the gimmicks have been fun. I liked the “one-pot” challenge from a couple weeks ago and the palate test from the second or third week of the season was another winner. This week’s quickfire is another nice idea: cook using only canned “pantry staples” like SPAM, baked beans, and canned green beans. Yum. AND, and, and, because Hung—”the fastest chef in Top Chef history”—is judging, they only get fifteen minutes to cook their dish.
Surprisingly, most of the food the chefs manage to concoct actually looks pretty good, and sounds relatively sophistocated. (Notable exceptions: Jaime’s loogie on toast of a bruschetta, Ariane’s open-faced poop sandwich and Radhika’s bean dip.) Stefan takes the prize for his bean/SPAM soup and grilled cheese/SPAM sandwich. Which isn’t helping his ego any—he spends the rest of the episode with the look on his face of a someone who just farted in a crowded elevator, then watched someone else get blamed for it.
The main challenge this week is all about “respecting your ingredients,” a phrase we would hear repeated just about every other sentence for the rest of the show. In order to really give the chefs a chance to do that, they put them in three groups: Lamb, Pork and Chicken, and ship them out to Blue Hill Farm to cook for the farm workers and chef Dan Barber.
One complaint—where is the “New York” in “Top Chef: New York”? Besides the opening challenge, which involved apples and neighborhood cuisine, all the challenges so far could have really happened anywhere. I don’t really have anything to say about that except that it sucks.
Serendipitously, the pairings bring together most of the interesting personality clashes we’ve had ealier in the season: Jaime and her erstwhile hetero-evangelist Stefan are paired with poor Carla. They of course spend the show sniping at each other—Stefan even calls her a “dushbag”—while Carla whines about “negative energy.” Maybe you could teach them the Hootie-hooo call, Carla! That would lighten the mood.
Lia and Hosea (”the lovebirds” as Ariane snipes) are paired with Ariane, who clearly can’t stand the two of them, earning a little more respect in my eyes. Finally, you have the “whatever, it’s everyone else” team: Fabio, Radhika and Jeff. One thing I loved, however; when Fabio was discussing how to come up with a simple menu and he said “No Indian,” they panned to Radhika. When he said “no overthinking,” they panned to Jeff. Not like it was too hard, but clearly everyone has got those two pegged.
I don’t really feel like talking about the challenge itself—needless to say, Jaime and Stefan fought, Radhika stood around with her eyes bugging out, Leah and Hosea whispered at each other. That’s it. Going into elimination, it looks to me like Ariane is poised to fall back to Earth, as her poorly butchered and overcooked lamb draws some disapproval.
Speaking of Toby, Crazy Wise Crackin’ Toby!© is back for another go around. I zoned out a couple of times, but I caught, “this pesto was the big bad wolf that blew this dish down,” and “when I see a well reared piece of meat, I want to have full blown, unprotected, sex.” Though to be fair, that last comment was fantastic. I love unprotected sex with sheep/roasts. That’s how you keep a relationship fresh!
It is Ariane who goes home, which completes her journey from “this lady has no idea how to cook,” to “oh look, the lady who has no idea how to cook is winning challenges,” and back. Too bad—I liked her, and I liked her exit interview, where she called out Leah for “not doing anything,” and Hosea for “being a wuss.” That’s how we do it in Jersey! (Not that I would know, I’m from Minnesota.) On the flip side, chef Barber can’t pick a winner and names Team Chicken (Carla, Jaime, Stefan), co-winners for the week; something which clearly didn’t sit well with two-thirds of that team.
And with that, we’re off to next week, which will be the always entertaining Restaurant Wars. Also, it looks like Toby and his favorite pork loin won’t be the only ones getting laid. What do we think: will Leah and Hosea consumate their simmering romance on national TV? Or is that too much to ask from this season/too horrible to contemplate?
I’m just going to say that Leah reminds me of the weird girl on the bus who would pick her nose and eat it, yet still find a way to have boyfriends and make fun of me.
January 15, 2009 at 11:27 amyou forgot to mention the constant taunting of other contestants referring to stefan as fabio’s boyfriend. finally, they came out in the open. amazing!!
January 15, 2009 at 12:50 pm
bonus follow-up: what’s with “i turn my camera on” being played at varying speeds every fucking episode?
January 15, 2009 at 10:57 am